Chapter 18

Those two weeks with Bobby had been unbelievably wonderful.  I had taken time off from work so that we could be together…much to the displeasure of my mother.

“I see he’s already a bad influence on you, Samantha.” she said coldly.  She knew I had taken vacation time but that made no difference to her.

Bobby talked a lot about life aboard ship.  He really loved the Navy…and I wondered how much he had missed me before…how hurt he had been when we broke up…he never said.

Even when I had told him that I had never really stopped loving him…he didn’t say the same to me.  Had he stopped?

He never really talked about “us” and what would happen when he got out of the Navy.  He seemed to shy away from that.

I was a little scared  now…scared to say too much…scared I would be hurt again…better to wait and see.

What if…what if he didn’t love me when the three years were over?  What if I was just someone he had wanted to connect with when he was home on leave. 

No…no…  That couldn’t be true…not Bobby.  He did love me…I was sure…I was so sure.

But always in my ear was my mother’s voice…warning me over and over…telling me that Bobby wasn’t right for me.

Sam still did not know how much Bobby loved her because he too, was scared of being hurt again and so…and so he had not told her that life without her would be impossible.

Still so young and after having his heart seemingly ripped out after losing Sam before, Bobby was still unsure…still dared not to tell her she was his life…now more than ever before.

Dared not to tell her that he could not bear the thought of losing her…that it would destroy him.

Dared not to tell her that her smile not only brightened his day…it brightened his whole world.

Dared not to tell her that every night he made plans for their future and went to sleep with a grin on his face…thinking of them being together.

How could Samantha Jones have known all of that, if Bobby Flanagan had not dared to tell her?

She could have known, would have known… if she had been able to real all of the letters he had sent to her the first weeks back aboard ship…not just the quick, first note he had written to tell her that his ship would be sailing to Japan.

If she had been able to read all the letters where he finally dared to open up his heart and tell Sam she was his life and always had been from that first, cold, November day so long ago…and that he loved her beyond all else.

In those letters, Bobby tells Sam that he’s sure he can get special leave so that they can get married even before he gets out of the Navy…”soon, very soon, Sammy”.

He tells her he is now looking forward to working with his dad at the hardware store.  He says, if she wants, she can start looking for an apartment for them and…and…so much more.

He goes on and on about their future…their future together.  Bobby has plans and he hopes that she does too…and can’t wait to hear from her.

But…he never does.