“I just ate less…among other things…”

“I can’t believe I didn’t just kill him…

OMG!!!!!”

So.  My Husband needed to see a dermatologist for some odd growth removal on his jaw…don’t worry…it was nothing.

However, a consultation was needed in addition to the procedure so we were looking at two long journeys.   The office was in an unfamiliar suburb several miles away.

Now…I personally like to take the non-freeway road option on my map app whenever I can.

Even though I know I am a very competent driver I also know that others are often times not…and they generally pass me even when I’m going 70-80 MPH…in a 65MPH zone.

Yes!!!!   I do know that I am currently speeding at this point…but only a little…and these idiots are passing me anyway!!!!

Now this particular non-freeway road option was unusually complex and winding… with a couple of signage errors (not my fault)…so that I unfortunately made a couple of wrong turns.   A couple of minutes were lost…whatever. 

Things like this do not bother me at all…  Husband, however…is another story. 

Husband apparently had something important to do when we returned home that day.

Note:  He had nothing important to do when we returned home that day. 

However…in the interest of keeping Husband happy…see how nice I am?…I mentioned to  Him that I happened to notice a sign to an entrance ramp for a major freeway that could get us home a tad sooner.

I did this before looking at my map app… THAT WAS MY SECOND MISTAKE.  (My first mistake…involved wedding vows…but I digress.)

“Oh.  YES!!!  We MUST take this route home!!” He said gleefully.   

While He is getting ‘consulted’ about his slice and dice procedure…I looked at our return trip on my map app…via freeway road option.  Oh my…

I want you to now imagine 6 strands of cooked spaghetti, cut up into two or three pieces and then whimsically thrown on a dinner plate. 

Detailed directions accompanying this “map photo” went something like this…

Go right, go left, go right, go right again, take the third left, go left, go back, go around, go left again, go to Hell.

(I should mention here that I have just a teeny, tiny vision problem…when it comes to reading signs…at a distance…going 70 MPH.

And also…sometimes I occasionally confuse…just momentarily mind you…right and left…but never red or green…okay there was that one time but that was all.)

Suffice it to say…as I was desperately trying to figure out where the hell the EAST entrance ramp was  and which lane (there were 4) I needed to be in right now in order to access it…(going 55 MPH) LIKE EVERYONE ELSE…yeswe ARE ALL EXCEEDING THE SPEED LIMIT!!!)

Husband says to me…in a tone that suggested that he had absolutely nothing else going on in his little mind) as I am frantically trying to read and recognize signs…and pay attention to…I don’t know…EVERYTHING…and NOW going 60 MPH LIKE EVERYONE ELSE…

“Can you spray the windows?  I can’t see very good…there’s a little smudge here…right in front of me…”  He points…

“YOU CAN’T SEE VERY GOOD???…  

I  AM SO CLOSE TO CAUSING A MULTI-CAR CRASH… KILLING US…OR AT THE VERY LEAST CAUSING SERIOUS BODILY HARM TO EVERYONE…SO I CAN GET YOU HOME 5 MINUTES SOONER…AND THERE’S A LITTLE SMUDGE IN FRONT OF YOU????”

There wasn’t a competent judge in this world who would have thrown me in jail had I just brained him on the spot…but then…the definition of competent these days is a little sketchy… right?

I didn’t want to take a chance.

Have a nice day…

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