“I just ate less…among other things…”

“IS MY NIGHTLY CHOCOLATE BAR…

A GATEWAY DRUG TO…TO…

I don’t know….I have no idea what the future holds for me….

I have been thinking about hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn lately…

There was a time in my past when I had no control and started to have one regular size  Hershey bar AND a bowl of hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn EVERY SINGLE NIGHT…but my beloved cat Lulu had just died…

I didn’t plan on her dying…I planned on her getting well from “something” that was causing a brief lull in her eating habits…she was not eating nearly enough…and chubby, little Lulu LOVED to eat more than anything.

So I was bringing her to the University of Minnesota Veterinarian School for testing at the highest level…

…unfortunately they found after hours of waiting and testing that she had a tumor the size of a softball on her lung that was pressing on her little throat and “we could put a feeding tube down her throat and she would last a couple more weeks…if that’s an option for you…”  They said…

I said.   “I love you Lulu.  You are my best friend and sometimes I think you are my only friend and because I love you so very much I will not be bringing you home with me today…but I will remember…as per our discussion on the way over here …to take the Hoyt Avenue shortcut on the way home.”

That night (and every night for almost a year) I had a  large bowl of hot, buttered lightly salted  (regular not sea) popcorn and a Hershey bar.  I gained almost 20 pounds…which is what Lulu weighed when she died…

Life is crummy right now and can be unbearably sad and fraught with anxiety…but then…I remember my little black cat named Lulu who was…very probably…my best friend…who loved to eat until one day when she couldn’t…

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

133.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT…I’m on this.

I realize now that I had forgotten to allow for the “X” Factor” when I was doing my  recent “Hershey” candy bar research…you know…the research that almost left me blind???  (What kind of scientist am I for heaven’s sake?) …

(Well, Tina…you are the “I Am Not a Scientist” kind).

I don’t know exactly what the hell the “X” Factor” is…I may have been partially blind at that point during my research…however…

It is possible that I am the “X Factor”…which would make sense since I have now discovered (I WORK SO HARD FOR THIS DAMN BLOG!!) that the definition of “X Factor” is:

“Telling yourself what you want to hear (or finding facts…however outrageous on Google…((I LOVE YOU, GOOGLE))!!!!) so you can feel really good right now…but will later come to realize that perhaps those ‘facts’ were wrong and that you are a completely idiotic person and you better now stop doing whatever you are doing to get yourself to this point (where you do not want to be)…like…

…RIGHT NOW.”*

*This definition might be slightly flawed…or maybe a little incorrect…or possibly skewered a tad…and…’bat-shit crazy’ will also work here.

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“I’m still here…”

You know…I saw this damn virus thing coming around the second week of January…

There was this ever so tiny, two inch article…buried deep on page 5 or 6…in my local newspaper that caught my eye…something along the lines of … and I’m PARAPHRASING here…

MYSTERIOUS VIRUS IN CHINA WILL JUST ABOUT KILL ALL OF US!!!!!

And then I remembered noted University of Minnesota doctor of diseases…Michael Osterholm saying on PBS about a dozen years ago that “SOME HUGE PANDEMIC IS COMING AND DON’T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I AM WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT!!!!”

I also remember looking over at my husband and saying…”Wow…who is this dope?”

So I was wrong…shoot me.

Anyway…back to ‘I saw this damn virus thing coming’...

There was something in those few words that led me to Google…Wuhan, China.   (God I love Google…so beats the “Guide to Periodical Literature” for fact finding)…

And there I saw an interesting map with red, not so red, and pink circles, showing how many cases of ‘this new virus’ there were today…and…MORE IMPORTANTLY…how many there were.. yesterday…OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN…I Googled…:)…Japan…(Don’t know why..) and saw empty shelves on which toilet paper used to be sitting…and that scared the crap (no pun intended) out of me.

So…long story short…I started buying some “extra” toilet paper and enough food to last…for enough time.

BUT…I have not been able to “BE WHO I AM” and so…I have not lost any more  weight…AND IN FACT…have gained A POUND!!!!!!!!!!

But…here’s the deal.  You know how when you go to prison for doing some really horrible stuff?

And then they’re going to “gas you or electrocute you or inject you (not with disinfectant…I might add…lol) with poison? …you know…to kill you?

Well, they ALSO  let you have your favorite meal the night before…right?

RIGHT???  You bet they do…

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

***BULLETIN***

  FULL DISCLOSURE…no real bulletin…

STILL 132.2…

However…I feel that in these wretchedly crap times…I must confess to anybody or everybody…that if I wake up one morning in the future….walk out to my kitchen…pull out the scale and weigh myself …which I do RELIGIOUSLY EVERY DAY…

…and discover that I have cracked the 130.0 mark on my scale…I will do one of two things:

ONE…

I will step off the scale, quietly walk over and open the curtains, pour myself  a cup of coffee, step back on the scale and weigh myself again because I will absolutely not believe that the scale  is telling me the truth…OR

TWO…

Ever so carefully put the scale back in the corner and THEN do a silent although wildly effusive HAPPY DANCE all the way down the hall to my bedroom where I will retrieve and subsequently eat one whole Hershey bar for breakfast.

Gee…I wonder what I will do…

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

Well…that was notthebut perhaps

THE dumbest idea I have ever had!

 133.2!!!!!!!!!!

…and trust me…I have had some righteously, colossal dumb ideas.

What the holy hell was I thinking?  Who can eat only one-half of a Hershey’s candy bar?  Who?

Was I completely out of my mind?  YES!  YES I WAS...!!!  I WAS 100% out of my mind.

To think that I could do that and then…wait for it…and then…when I was able to actually secure one box of my beloved popsicles…but have only ONE…because I AM A POPSICLE ADDICT and wanted to make that box of 36 last forever…

…decide to also have one half of a Hershey’s candy bar as well…because…because…I have no sound answer to that question.  Next question?

“Did you also have a piece of hot apple pie that you had baked solely for the enjoyment of your husband?

…I’m not going to answer that question either.

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“BASICALLY…*#@* THE WORLD…”

And…you ALL know what I mean…right?

Here’s the deal:   Exiting an automated (my first mistake) parking ramp yesterday afternoon after taking my husband in for an MRI.

1,  Doing so at ‘quitting’ time for all hospital employees…(second mistake).

2,  There are “2” exit lines…one for EMPLOYEE CONTRACT PARKING and the other for us regular people…using cash or a credit card.

3,   ONE of those lines is not working…but NO ONE KNOWS WHICH ONE until they are at the “pay” booth.

4.   Lines get longer…lots of waiting…people upset…etc. etc.

5…BUT people allow the CONTRACT PARKING PEOPLE into the regular line…takes time but people are kind and decent…now…

6.   THEN it’s my turn and this 8″ solid, metal bar is preventing me (and EVERYONE ELSE)  from driving through without paying…IMPORTANT!!!!  REMEMBER THIS!!!!

7.   I am having some difficulty putting in the receipt…and PEOPLE START TO HONK AT ME!!!!!!  Not just one honk.  Many honks.  Many, many honks

8.   Do these people with an apparent IQ of less than 12 actually believe that honking their horn at me will ACTUALLY help me to figure out what to do?  OR do they perhaps  believe the vibration of their NOW LOUD horns will magically make the “8” solid, metal bar rise…without me paying?

9.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????????

10.  Obviously I made it through and one would think that I would weight less today… because…well…because yesterday I had a crummy day.

11.  But there is no justice on the “weight loss court” scale.  I had not lost once fucking ounce.  But at least I didn’t gain anything…in spite of the fact that I had McDonald’s for dinner last night…so HAH all you stupid horn-honking people.  I win.

P.S.  The ‘bunny avatar’ is completely unaware of how life works…but who cares…she has lots of chocolate.

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

   Chocolate Chip Cookies…

Hear me out…please…

I am so, so serious about this…I’m not even showing a cute photo…

Even though I PROMISED NOT TO SHARE RECIPES…I am breaking that promise tonight.

And I am doing so because this is the BEST chocolate chip cookie I have ever made…and I AM REALLY, REALLY OLD.

…and the reason they are the best (for me) is that they are soft and buttery and so flavorful…like Sweet Martha’s. (Minnesota State Fair reference which might not be applicable to all people…)  Only Better.

So.  Go to:  Very Best Baking by NESTLE  Then:  Go to ORIGINAL NESTLE TOLL HOUSE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Do not waiver from the recipe.  DO IT EXACTLY AS THEY SAY.  Actually when they said “beat” I used my electric hand mixer and continued right up until the end when it got too hard…but I have a really old mixer…I should get a stand mixer.

I used a really small (golf ball size) cookie scoop–no bigger.  Then I put them in the Cuisinart (non-convection) Toaster Oven (370 degrees) because I don’t use my regular oven…(THAT IS A HUGE STORY…but for a later date).  I only baked them for 4 minutes.

I removed them immediately from the sheet and transferred to a cooling rack so they would stop baking quicker.

Now…if you want a crispy cookie…I have just wasted your time and I am truly sorry.

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“I just ate less…”

Merry Christmas!!!

Plus…other appropriate greetings to ALL those to whom Merry Christmas does not apply!!

Well…now that I have all that covered…I can share what’s going on with me…with my weight loss goal of losing 5 pounds before next November 1…that is…November 2010.

Since I was 5 pounds short THIS November 1…I gave myself a new goal.

I have gained one whole pound…NOT LOST…gained.  It must have been the “food poisoning/bad deli food/bad…something that caused my body to NOT lose…even though I was not eating a whole lot for about 3 weeks.

Okay.  I did consume:  Sprite, jello (which we all know is pure sugar in a jiggly form), pretzels, crackers…did I mention Sprite?  I believe I am addicted to Sprite now.  Oh, sigh.

Anyway…I hope everyone who is trying to lose weight this year (and next) will not be too hard on themselves during the holidays…whatever your holiday may be.

One is okay.  Ten is pushing it.  Enjoy life for Pete’s sake.

I tripped over a picture frame last week (such a long, boring story) and as I was trying to “catch myself” as one does…I was thinking…really…well this is  going to hurt like hell.

It did.  But the fear of not being able to get up…moved me to immediately get up.  A little blood on the kneecap and SORE body for a few days…was the aftermath of the fall.

So see?  Life happens and if…unlike me…you hit your head and die…you are going to be SO SORRY that you didn’t have that one piece of homemade fudge.  Really.

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…”

I have no clue…

Well…I’m still at 130.4…even though I had a stomach bug and didn’t eat for a day and a half…there was NO loss.

IKR!!!!!!

And…like any normal person…when I could eat I ate a lot.  Sorry.  Sad Truth.

NOT crap.  Good food…mostly…

Sooooo…I have a secret to share.

img_20191207_1237219041646932985525562564.jpgYes…there are 2.  And yes…it does appear that they are hidden in my bureau drawer…because…they are.

I don’t know what came over me!!!!

It was like I was possessed!!  It’s really the fault of the woman who was ahead of me in line at the grocery store.  She was moving forward and then she stopped to reach back and grab a Hershey bar.

Well.  What could I do?

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Don’t tell.

 

 

 

“At first I was sad…”

………..but then I smiled…

 

img_20191119_2145397764891407947712122740.jpg…it’s who I am…

Have a nice day…