“At first I was sad…”

………..but then I smiled…

 

img_20191119_2145397764891407947712122740.jpg…it’s who I am…

Have a nice day…

“I see you…”

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“I’m not blind, you know.”

“Don’t think for one moment that I don’t see you…sitting there…all propped up and cute-like in your little silver and brown wrapper…tempting me…enticing me…

“You may not be aware…but there is a little dust on you…just a little…but it’s there.

“And I know what you’re thinking…’Just reach over and rip off my wrapper…break off one little piece of me at a time, let it melt ever so slowly on your tongue…'”

“NO!!!!!!!!” SAY I…

“I am not weak!!!!!  I am strong!!!!!    I am kind of strong…I am kind of a little strong…”

And I get up, turn out the desk light…turn the desk light back on… because the room was completely dark and I couldn’t see shit…walk over to another lamp and turn that one on and  then return to turn off the desk light again even though it was highlighting all your goodness and glory and wonderfulness…OH FOR FUCK’S  SAKE!!!

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

 

“I just ate a little less…”

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL…

Life happens.

 

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“I just ate less…”

24 DAYS…

but who’s counting.

Me.  I have less than a month to go and my goal of 125 by Nov. 1 looms.  I like that word.  LOOMS.  Current weight:  129.4 and apparently holding forever…

Let’s go back 56 years…yes…I am 20 years old…sigh.  That was a splendid year…if only I could tell more people.   You know.

But I digress.  Summer 1963.  I was 20 and I weighed 99 pounds.

And because of my extraordinary skills (okay, no one else would do it), I was the catcher for a fast pitch softball team.  Read 70 mph…yup.

It was a hot July night in old Bloomington, Minnesota and we were playing a really tough, championship team from the mean streets of Minneapolis.

I was taking a few warm-ups from my pitcher who…incidentally…had a smoking  fast ball that would drop a little just before the plate.  Have I set the picture?

Let continue…I flipped up my catcher’s mask (I thought I was so cool) to quickly take a drag off my ‘lit’ Marlboro cigarette…which was conveniently nestled in the sand right next to me…hey…this was 55 years ago.  Don’t judge me.

I looked down to pick up the Marlboro and just as I looked up to take a drag…my obviously non-aware pitcher threw a sizzling, fast ball, hitting my unprotected face, sending me backwards about a foot…no really…a whole 12 inches.

Not only did the lit cigarette cause a burn on my cheek, I couldn’t chew real food for about 3 weeks.  I wasn’t wired shut…it was just too painful to do anything but drink fluids or very mushy foods.

There is no moral to this telling…just background to the fact that…I lost 5 pounds in less than a month.

Anyone looking for a 75 year old catcher?

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I just ate less…”

…sigh…

No Change.

HOWEVER…every time I jump on the scale…I see the 130.8 & and then it settles on 131.0.  I cut 3″ off my hair yesterday so I was REALLYHOPEFULLY…expecting good news!!!!  Oh well…there’s always tomorrow…of course, until there isn’t!  HAH!!!

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…”

****129.8**** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IKR…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So…here’s the deal.  I cut my hair.

I figured “how hard could it be?”

I figured “just a little snip here…and…there…”

It’s the only explanation I can offer…since yesterday I took a hour and a half nap, did not walk because the dew point was…like 150…and I had an extra half popsicle because it was Monday.

Truth in Telling:  My avatar is slightly exaggerated…

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

Chapter 6

The Parents’  first attempt at ‘parenting’ was to volunteer at my 7th grade “Welcome Back” school dance which incidentally was my first foray into “socializing” on a grander scale than play dates with neighborhood kids.   Some memories are best not shared.

Two weeks before the dance, The Parents descended unannounced upon a clueless Principal Nelson (such a nice, normal man).

He had previously been informed when Karlie began 7th grade that the parents of Karlie and Tobey Carlson had been tragically killed on their third attempt to climb Mt. Everest.

The Parents had bravely tried to rescue their loyal Sherpa who had fallen into a deep crevasse.  All three bodies were never recovered…so Karlie and younger sister Tobey were now being lovingly raised by a grandma named Sylvia…so you just call her if anything comes up.

This compellingly sad tale had been created by our highly imaginative grandma after a couple of glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon.  Both Karlie and I thought it was a sound plan and we all agreed that there was no reason whatsoever to mention this to The Parents…ever.

But now…The Parents told the puzzled Mr. Nelson, that “Yes!  Of course we’re Tobey’s  parents!  Who else would we be?”

And they added for good measure, “We’re Karlie’s parents too!”  They figured this  further claim would seal the deal.

A hesitant and slightly confused Principal Nelson said he “would see if they would be needed.”

It should have ended there but The Parents were now on a mission and made sure of being ‘needed’ by donating $100,000 to renovating the teachers’ lounge.  They were more than ‘needed’…they were revered.

Imagine riding a roller coaster with no safety bar to hold you in place…that was my life for the next 6 years…