“I just ate less…among other things…”

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

WAY TO GO…YAY, ME!!!

140.0 !!!!!

Okay.  Ten minutes have passed…which (in my humble opinion) is quite long enough to celebrate this current weight loss victory.

MY NEW WEIGHT GOAL:  BY DECEMBER 25, 2020…drum roll please…is…

139.0

Now…I know there are “people out there” who may think that losing one pound in approximately 25 days is a ridiculous goal…but…

I would beg to disagree.

For all the countless people in this world…achieving a goal of any kind is awesome…

But if you are a person (like me) who struggles with weight loss or weight gain…you know, agree and understand the impact of losing just one pound…

…and more importantly…keeping that one pound “gone”.

The irony of this most recent move from 140.6 to 140.0…is that I can’t figure out how I did it…

Oh.  Wait…  🙂

“I just ate less…among other things…”

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“WOO HOO!!!!”

140.06 pounds…two days in a row!!!

I wanted to tell everyone this fantastic news yesterday…but then I thought…some really deep thoughts…

“What if this is just some quirk in the universe?  A miss-alignment of the planets?  A black hole…whatever…?”

I personally blame the ‘black hole phenomenon’ for everything…good and bad…because…well…why not?”

So yesterday I decided to just stop eating…just to make sure the weight would stay off…

HAH!!  Just kidding.  I actually ate normally…and may I suggest the “thin” little chocolate cookies with the white stuff in the middle”?  Okay I will.  Just one.  Dipped into coffee…so it doesn’t break a crown?  So yummy!

However…back to the beginning…two nights ago I was SO DAMN TIRED!  

Even though I have gotten just a “slightly bit older” (I have such a way with words, don’t I?) I don’t always know when to stop doing things and just take a little nap…

So…two nights ago I got into bed and because I was so EXHAUSTED, I skipped the small bowl of potato chips I now have (instead of the wheat crackers I used to have).

Will you quit yelling at me and let me finish? 

Chips can be very good for you…mentally…and…and emotionally! I’m pretty sure about that…

And…WAIT!!!!  I almost forgot!!  This little bedtime snack actually stopped my acid reflux!!!

SO…ANYWAY…I read one page and my eyes started to close.  My head started to droop.

And before I could even put one chip into my mouth, I shut off the light and went to sleep.

Weight in the morning was 140.6!

I danced around  for about 10 seconds… make that 3… (you read the ‘slightly bit older’ part didn’t you?) and then wondered why my weight has gone down. 

Being the unrecognized genius that I am…I then remembered that…

I had skipped the chips!  

So…last night I did the same thing and this morning I ran…I am so funny…I dragged myself slowly to the kitchen, eyes still almost shut and weighed myself…

140.06 pounds!!!!!!

Don’t you just love science?

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“139”…no change…

but still hopeful…

My new media entry on the opening page of my blog  is not meant to be pessimistic…

But rather…optimistic in that it shows spaces for possibilities…like if I thought really hard….I could fill them in and even add more!! 

Not that there was a choice mind you…but still…

It’s Friday, October 30, 2020 and in a few short days we will have a new president/leader in this country…OR if notI will begin having two candy bars after dinner and resume smoking…because…well…why the fuck not…life will be over…relatively speaking.

However…closing here on a positive note…I tried (BECAUSE I COULDN’T JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, COULD I???…) a trial run on our freeway system anticipating a return trip to the doctor’s office later in the week and MISSED the exit sign… “11C…11C…11C!!!!!!!”

I took 11B…

And…ended up incorrectly following the “light rail” construction site detour.  JFC…

It was bad.  I won’t lie to you…but it could have been worse.  I could have ended up in Wisconsin…

 This would have broken most people…but not me…

I obviously survived.  Somehow I knew that my life was not going to end…either literally or metaphorically…on some fucked up freeway system in the heartland of America.

See?  I filled in line one already…

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“A story of death…”

 

(A true Minnesota story…)

This is what happens when 18 zillion inches of snow fall to earth in the autumnal days of October…and foolish you go outside even though your wife tells you “Don’t do it…”

So yesterday I was sitting here writing and looking outside my patio doors and the birds were flying past like it was a damn freeway during rush hour.

I was busy…writing…so I didn’t get up to investigate. I would have failed miserably as an investigative reporter…

THIS morning I walked over to see if any of the 18 zillion inches of snow had melted (some had) and I happened to look down…and saw a broken sprinkler head…except it wasn’t a broken sprinkler head…

It was a robin. Deader than a door nail. It’s little feet pointed straight up. Wings slightly fluffed. Red breast looking almost alive… I couldn’t see his head…under the snow…I hope.

So now I know why all the birds were flying by my door yesterday…it was a “fly by funeral”.

Today…like just now…I saw one robin walk stoically by my window heading for the dead robin…which was out of my current range of sight. It was a female robin. Perhaps this was “the wife”.

I know just what she said as she looked down at his little dead body… maybe even pecking his cold, frozen corpse for emphasis…

She said, “I told you not to go outside…but noooooo....you had to get one last worm before we left for Texas.”

Is there a moral to this story? Yes. She’s always right…

P.S. I was going to attach a photo of Mr. Dead Robin (not that I could actually do this with any semblance of professionalism) but chose not to…since after looking again at Mr. Dead Robin…I don’t think there actually IS a head. You’re welcome…

Have a a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“Okay… Here’s the deal…”

I am not dead!!  Woo Hoo!!!  Super!!!

That being said…what I have been doing is… writing/publishing my latest short story…“One guy…One girl…One motorcycle or…”  which…

…is appearing…somewhere in this blog…

Do not even ask where…because I don’t know how to tell you how to just push a button and get there…because…because…I just don’t know…)

I (personally) think it’s just a miracle I managed to mentally, emotionally and spiritually figure out how to use the new BLOCK  EDITOR! *

*(Okay, I am not really using it…I just push that little ‘classic’ square and go from there…DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!!)

And now before I begin my next story…which is Christmas (holiday) themed/cookie related…I am making a checklist of all the boring  stuff I have to do before I can start writing again…and  one of the items on my list is: LOSE  10 pounds…5 pounds…1 more fucking pound…

If you recall (or care) I was stuck at 140 pounds FOREVER…AND…I had been and am still refusing to give up my daily chocolate bar…and a couple of potato chips…(Oh…stop shaking your head…)

BUT in spite of all my horrible addictions, I somehow magically have lost one pound and now weigh… 139 pounds.!  Yay Me!!

AND…this is not just some… “One day I forgot to eat!!!”  deal...which I have done and really should never.. ever do again…but that’s another tale for another day…

So…without my “not-eating all day diet”…I am consistently weighing in at 139 pounds.

NOW…the next thing on my ‘TO DO’ list is:

Oh…I even hate to put it in print because then it becomes SO FINAL.  Okay.  Here goes…

I HAVE TO CLEAN MY HOUSE…  There.  I said it.  Everyone happy now???  

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

I keep hearing these little voices…*

It was 7:29 a.m. and I was just innocently sitting at my kitchen table…minding my own business…just looking out the window  and watching the rain fall.

So very, very peaceful…and sane.

But then…I heard this little voice in my head…you know the kind I mean…they usually appear in a bubble over someone’s head in a cartoon…

The voice said, “It would be really, really swell to have a sugar cookie right now.”  And the voice was exceptionally enticing.

And…because I always pay attention when I am talking to myself…I answered… “You know…it really would.”

However…I didn’t have any sugar cookies.  My cookie jar was empty.

So in order to have a cookie…I would have to bake a cookie…or bake many cookies.

And so then I said…out loud…”Well, I guess I have to bake some cookies.”

So…if you happen to overhear someone talking to themselves…and it’s pretty obvious they are not on a cell phone.

Don’t necessarily assume that they are…you know…wacko.

It’s very possible that they just need a cookie.

*And that is why I still weigh 137.0 

Have a nice day…

“It Was a Dark and Stormy Night”

INTRODUCING…

“The Johnsons”

“Where the Simpsons meet the Sopranos…sort of…”

Chapter One

It was a bitter, cold December night in Minnesota…and even though I was not yet born…I remember very clearly every detail of that exciting winter evening because…

…my mother was an authentic genius with a tested IQ of 171 and could correctly remember absolutely everything that had ever happened to her and…

…because my father was a devilishly clever storyteller who could weave a tale that kept you listening…with your mouth hanging open…for hours.

Sometimes…in the middle of one of his stories that took place during my “non-remembered early life”…I would be holding my breath until my mom would gently tug one of my pigtails and say, “Lottie…don’t worry…you don’t die!”

So…as this particular story goes…it was on that cold December night when my “35 1/2 weeks” pregnant mother pulled a gun on a very nice policeman…who “as they so often do”…was just trying to help.

But…let’s begin at the beginning…shall we?

The 23-pound, golden brown Thanksgiving Day turkey had not yet even been carved…when Clive Johnson and his brainy and beautiful wife Gee (as in “Gee Whiz)…announced to all family and friends who had gathered together in Clive and Gee’s tiny  apartment…to celebrate this most beloved holiday event…that they would be moving the following week from their cozy but crowded one bedroom apartment with their adorable, chubby seven-year-old son Durwood and faithful hunting dog named Duke.

Worth noting:  My father did not hunt, had never hunted and would never hunt in the future…but had met some guy in a bar (of course he did) and the guy had been trying to sell his 6-month old purebred hunting dog…for a ridiculously cheap price.

Now my father really loved a good deal…but as he later told Gee, “His eyes just got to me, honey.”  And I’m pretty sure he meant the dog’s eyes…”

When I was able to talk…I called Duke “Thido Thia” for some strange, unknown reason.

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

ASTONISHING

COVID-19 BENEFIT…perhaps…

Here’s the deal.  Today I was taking my daily walk…okay…my almost daily walk.

I had just purchased some really cool looking face masks…HELLO!!!  COVID-19 (in case you were wondering)…..

So I decided on the black and white checked one.    I also had to put on my large black (super cool Ray-Ban) sun glasses because it was……….sunny!!

Since I was starting my walk in an area with no people I just had the mask pulled down below my chin…covering the…you know… “jowls” area.

For those youngsters who may not know (yet) what  jowls are…well good for you!!!..  But please allow me to enlighten you.

They are an area beneath your chin that you will almost assuredly get as you age and will also most assuredly not like hate.

But guess what?  No one could see them!!!   HAH!  (Important only to those who might care about that.)  (I do..on occasion.)

THEN…a couple of people came strolling down the lane towards me…not wearing masks.  Just so you know, I consider people who do not wear masks to be terribly unaware.

So…anyway… I flipped mine up and continued walking.  I wasn’t sure if I knew them…it is a relatively small apartment complex where I live so…I might have.

However, when I walk I keep my head down when people are approaching…I’m not into the stop & chat bit..so we passed each other and no one said anything.

After they passed…it suddenly occurred to me that most of my face had been  covered…I was basically unrecognizable.  I could have been anyone…and…any age!!!

So where is all this taking me?  I can now appear to look as young as I feel with no plastic surgery!!!

So there.  Take that corona virus.  I win.

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Still rocking 134.4 and NO, I AM NOT GIVING UP THAT DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR!!! !!!!!!!!!:)

 

 

 

“I Just Ate Less…among other things…”

I am a complete and total failure…

and I’m pretty sure it’s not my fault…

134.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s the deal.  How is it humanly possible for me to gain weight by just eating only one lousy candy bar…one…that unfortunately I am totally addicted to…every night after dinner?

I really don’t want to eat one every night after dinner!!!!

I love that damn candy bar…what is it…213 calories?

OH STOP!!!!!!!  I HEAR YOU…….

Getting back to “it’s not my fault”…I think that I should do an experiment. 

I believe if I got up and only drank black coffee and water ALL day long for a month…I would still gain weight…if I only ate “my precious”* candy bar for dinner.  I totally believe that!!  

I KNOW I would also probably die…so I won’t be doing that…in case you were wondering…

There are a lot of other things “I totally believe”…but those are tales for another time.

*Did you catch the ‘Lord of the Rings’ reference?  heh heh heh…

Have a nice day…

 

“I Just Ate Less…Among Other Things…”

Holding at 133.8…

and…damn happy to be doing so…considering…

Can you believe this mess we’re all in?  Sometimes I stop and think…this cannot be real!!

But..it is.

I called my daughter the other day and asked her, “Do you mind not shopping?”…and she said…”NOT AT ALL…I could happily become agoraphobic in a heart beat…”…

AND I…being the completely self-centered person that I am :)…thought…HOLY MACKEREL where did I go wrong?  Did I raise her incorrectly?  Who doesn’t miss shopping?  Is that even normal?  Is that even healthy?  

And then I answered myself..and said, “Of course, it is.  My daughter is absolutely brilliant (I DID raise her right) and is doing exactly what she should be doing…

…considering the situation…which is pretty frightening and horrible…and unknown.

DO YOU want to be that dumb girl who always goes down the basement when she hears a strange noise…even though she knows the power could go out at any moment because it’s storming and it’s  thundering and it’s lightning…AND…the light from her flashlight is really dim because the batteries are old (she tested it)…AND…she just heard on the television that there is a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a nearby prison…and is on the loose…in HER … neighborhood..?

WELL…DO YOU???????

I didn’t think so.  Me neither.

Have a nice day…