“I just ate less…among other things…”

Well…that was notthebut perhaps

THE dumbest idea I have ever had!

 133.2!!!!!!!!!!

…and trust me…I have had some righteously, colossal dumb ideas.

What the holy hell was I thinking?  Who can eat only one-half of a Hershey’s candy bar?  Who?

Was I completely out of my mind?  YES!  YES I WAS...!!!  I WAS 100% out of my mind.

To think that I could do that and then…wait for it…and then…when I was able to actually secure one box of my beloved popsicles…but have only ONE…because I AM A POPSICLE ADDICT and wanted to make that box of 36 last forever…

…decide to also have one half of a Hershey’s candy bar as well…because…because…I have no sound answer to that question.  Next question?

“Did you also have a piece of hot apple pie that you had baked solely for the enjoyment of your husband?

…I’m not going to answer that question either.

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Quite By Accident” Chapter 9

The Paperback Edition…

Four years have passed since that tragic day and I am now tucked into my very own apartment that walks out to a courtyard with tall evergreen trees now beautifully covered with snow…watching the next to the last episode of “The Housewives of New York City”.

“The Parents” are sitting on a book shelf right next to my TV.  They are surrounded by all my favorite books and favorite pictures of them as well as photos of Karlie, George, Annie and Cantor…and, of course, my best friend Emma.

I have a “Family on the Shelf” as opposed to an “Elf on the Shelf”.

I keep “The Parents” for a couple of months and then they journey over to Karlie and George’s house where they sit in an equally revered place.  It seemed like a better idea than…you know…separating them…like eggs.

But now it was very late…scenes from next week’s episode were running.  I clicked the remote off

I stood up, stretched and turned off the lamp beside my chair.  I dropped the blinds but not before appreciating again how peaceful the falling snow looked.

I put the chain lock on my door even though I know in my heart of hearts that a chain is  not going to stop a crazed man from entering my cozy little abode and stealing my super swell TV…or worse.

But nevertheless…I would hear him and be able to stealthily pull my always fully loaded Glock out from my bedside table and blow him to smithereens…HAH!!  I have no gun.

But at least I would hear him…

I flipped the hall light on and walked down the hall.  The full length mirror at the end  was there for a purpose.  I gave myself a B+…which considering the events of the day was pretty damn good…in my world anyway.

I fluffed my hair like I always do when finding myself in front of any mirror and then walked into my bedroom and paused…

I clapped my hands twice and my bedside light went on.  Yes.  I have “The Clapper”.

Don’t laugh at  me…

 

 

 

 

 

“Quite By Accident” Chapter 6

The Paperback Edition…

“The Parents”‘  first attempt at ‘parenting’ was to volunteer at my 7th grade “Welcome Back to School”  dance.  This was, incidentally, was my first foray into “socializing” on a grander scale than play dates with neighborhood kids.

Two weeks before the dance, “The Parents” descended unannounced upon a clueless Principal Nelson…he was such a nice, normal man.  I believe he took early retirement…

He had previously been informed when Karlie began 7th grade that the parents of Karlie and Tobey Carlson had been tragically killed on their third attempt to climb Mt. Everest.

“The Parents” had bravely tried to rescue their loyal Sherpa who had unfortunately fallen into a deep crevasse.  As the story went…all three bodies were never recovered…so Karlie and younger sister Tobey were now being lovingly raised by a grandma named Sylvia…so you can just call her if anything came up.

This compellingly sad tale had been created by our highly imaginative grandma Sylvia after a couple of glasses…perhaps more…of Cabernet Sauvignon.  Both Karlie and I thought it was a very sound plan and we all heartily agreed that there was no reason whatsoever to mention this to “The Parents”…ever.

But now…“The Parents” told the puzzled Mr. Nelson, that “Yes!  Of course we’re Tobey’s  parents!  Who else would we be?”

And then they added for good measure, “We’re Karlie’s parents too!”  They figured this  further claim would seal the deal.

A hesitant and slightly confused Principal Nelson said he “would check and see if they would be needed.”  He then rose to politely show them the door…vaguely remembering a sad tale involving a sherpa and Mt. Everest…and he pondered this as he walked toward the door with them.

However...”The Parents” were on a mission and ‘parenting magnificently’ had become their Holy Grail.   They were not going to be turned away…

So they made sure of being ‘needed’ by donating $200,000 toward renovating the teachers’ lounge and also gifting the school library with another $200,000.

This generous gesture of goodwill insured that no more questions would be asked on whether or not they would be needed.

They were more than ‘needed’…they were now revered.

Imagine riding a roller coaster with no safety bar to hold you in place…that was my life for the next 6 years…

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

Something is wrong…

and it’s not the Corona Virus…I don’t think…

Well…I’m pretty sure it’s not…

Okay.  Here’s the deal.  Nowbecause of the virus… when I order groceries online (as I now have to do–because of the virus)…I can’t always get what I want…or NEED.

But…if you are one of those SUPER ‘addictive’ type people as am I…you have to figure out what you can buy to replace something you are SUPER addicted to in case that particular item is UNAVAILABLE!!!!!!!

Okay, Tina…settle down, settle down.

So.  My current addiction is Popsicles.  I have 2 or 3 after dinner (they…by the way…replaced my PREVIOUS addiction of 2 or 3 cigarettes.)  I used to smoke them after dinner but no longer do because of a stroke…but that’s a story for another day….

So I spent literally hours trying to decide on a replacement addiction for my Popsicles in case they would not be available due to the virus.  I came up with a regular Hershey bar…pretty close in all the numbers I consider important.

SO I BOUGHT 60 BARS.

I figured I could have 1/2 bar every night after dinner and I would not be eating any more calories than the 2 or 3 popsicles that I would normally have.

So…didn’t  that sound like a great plan?  I thought so as well and I had to implement that plan last week when there were NO popsicles to be found at my store.

But guess what?  I am loosing weight…only a couple of ounces so far…BUT STILL…OMG…I could really be on to something here…which is why I am drinking a coke and eating potato chips as I write this…

Really…I am.

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…

“When do we cry?”

We are all so strong and so brave and so vigilant…all of us all over the world.

We are worried about our parents, our grandparents, our children, our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors…and the skinny, little cat who is wandering aimlessly down the street.

We worry about the nurses, the doctors and ALL the people they need to help them help us.

We plan way ahead…too far ahead for our brains to even rationally comprehend…but we do it anyway…because we know we must.

And even though we are so busy being strong, being brave and being vigilant…a time will come…

…when it will be time to cry…and that will be okay.

“I just ate less…among other things…”

The world may be falling apart…

but…

The VERY FIRST news story I chose to read this morning was…”Tom Brady is not going to quarterback the New England Patriots any longer…”

WHERE ARE MY PRIORITIES???????

THIS is what happens when you get so giddy after losing some weight…after not losing some weight for so long…as in…NOW I WEIGH…drum roll please…………

130.1

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

Happy Valentine’s Day…

…to ME!!!

And before you start thinking…”Oh that’s pretty pathetic…selfish…nutso…let me explain.

Even though I am still at 132.2…RATS…and have not (yet) returned to the glory day of January 25, 2020 when I weighed in at 130.6…I AM ALSO NOT AT 141.4 which was my weight LAST February 14…

SO…now what do you think…pretty swell, huh?

I thought you might agree…and I hope you also agree that I deserve a treat…one full-size Hershey bar that has been living in my top drawer for months…waiting just for me.

wp-1581695998455.png  Have a nice day…