Gaining one pound a year doesn’t sound like a big deal until 25 years go by…my amusing and precarious journey of weight loss.

Dear World…

It has been a while…and I know that I have said that I was where I wanted to be…

And…that if you know me at all after these couple of years…

You know that I was probably just going off on another one of my insane tangents due to the fact that I (and my severely immunosuppressed husband) have been in isolated quarantine close to 2 years.

Apparently this type of quarantine is now called “sheltering”…which I kind of like…

Anyway.  Here is what I need to tell you.

Poutine.

This alone may save my life…if not my sanity.

I have not made it yet…but I will be doing so this week.  Right now the splendid, colorful picture is enough to soothe my soul.

I also now weigh 140.4 pounds…due to my latest addiction…Haagen-Dazs “Soft Dipped” ice cream bars.  I have one each night along with my husband who desperately needs to gain weight.

I have to support him…don’t I?   And also have one…in total camaraderie?

I knew you would agree.

Have a nice day…

Giving Up???

“Define ‘giving up’…” 🙂

I had a period of time last week when I contemplated ending my personal pursuit of weighing less.

I mean…I am (and have been for many weeks) currently at 138.8#…having recovered from a temporary surge to 139.4# experienced a couple of weeks ago.  I still haven’t figured that one out…

So last week I wondered if perhaps my original end game goal of 125# was unattainable…or even desirable anymore.  

And so I sad to myself… “Well, Tina.  If you stop trying to reach that goal then you can start eating whatever you want and walking  as much or as little as you want and stop all this nonsense.”

AND THEN I SAID TO MYSELF…  “Well, Tina…that is exactly how you are living your life right now.”  Hmmmmm…

And that stopped me cold.  BECAUSE… it occurred to me that I don’t WANT to eat more.  I don’t WANT to walk less.

I figure I have reached a spectrum of weight range (I made that up…) whereby (so I could use that word 🙂 ) I will maintain my weight just by living as I do right now.

See what I mean?  I know there are people who would kill to weight 138#. 

I myself thought when I weighed 149# that reaching 138# was a fantastic goal and when I initially reached it I was joyous.  But it wasn’t my end game goal.  So?

So…for me…(I tried to type elderly woman here and failed…)…someone who is above the age of 70 (I like that phrase much better)…I have to say I am done.

Because I can’t eat any less nor can I walk any more.  I believe I have reached a plateau that will not change…and I am okay with that.

And tonight I will have half a donut for dessert…not because I have to share it with my  husband BUT because I don’t want to eat a whole donut.

And that is the story.  I have…over the past couple of years…changed how I look at food…which actually was my original concept from the beginning…

I will always have a small Dairy Queen chocolate sundae once a week (when I can get there) and 3 White Castle hamburgers and a small regular Coke once a week (when I can get there) and I will never walk 2 miles a day.  

This is who I am now.  And more importantly.  THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE!!

Have a nice day…

 

“Be Careful What You Ask For…”

You know how it is when you’re driving your car…perhaps on a long trip and you get a little tired?

Or you’re coming home late at night from either a party or a late shift at work and your head starts to nod?

AND THEN YOU HIT A CEMENT WALL?

Well that is what “kind of” happened to me with my boring 138.6 weight.

For WEEKS my weight had remained the same…so, so boring…even though I had given up those beloved Hershey bars and was starting to walk on more days than not…

BUT this morning I got up and walked to the scale and it said:  (Actually it seemed to SHOUT!!)

139.4 !!!!!!

Let me tell you folks, I weighed myself about 15 times.  I adjusted the placement of the scale.  I stood on it backwards.  I held onto the counter and then slowly let go. I exhaled until I thought I was going to faint.

(It even occurred to me to jog around the living room a couple of times…but I realized in a swift moment of brilliance that doing so could possibly injure me…so I did not.)

NOTHING CHANGED.  STILL 139.4!!!!  What the fuck???

Of course this resulted in a thorough analysis of my life…took about 10 seconds.

This process resulted in the thought that maybe the homemade, delicious  chocolate chip cookie I ate  every morning was to blame.  (I’m actually looking at the cookie jar right now as we speak…)

Or maybe I have been putting just a “tad” more food on my plate the last couple of days…

I find this whole thing challenging and quite interesting and I am so on it…   Think Sherlock Holmes…with me as Dr. Watson…of course.

I will get back to you as soon as I get my “bumper repaired”…so to speak.

Have a nice day…

FOOTBALL… 🙂

That’s it. *

Have a nice day…

* Except…may I just add…I now I have a really excusable reason…other than the fact that the world is coming to an end…to eat whatever I want while I sit through 16 KAZILLION commercials to see if my crap field goal kicker can kick the ball 32 yards for which he is being paid a KAZILLION dollars to do…and by doing so… therefore secure a victory for my team…ensuring my happiness for several hours…possibly even longer if the opposing team is Dallas.

Now…THAT’S it.

Oh BTW… I STILL WEIGH 138.6 pounds and “Yes.  Yes I do expect that to change exponentially in the coming weeks…depending on the win/loss record of my team(s).”

And to be quite honest.  Right now…I am not caring a whole hell of a lot.  Just saying…

This is not a good time to be messing around with me, WordPress…

18 MONTHS OF ISOLATION QUARANTINE…
CAN LEAVE ONE REELING…

I know it’s been a couple of weeks since I have written…but still…

Whoever said “new is better”…was not entirely correct.  New is sometimes better…

But I digress…possibly to avoid the subject of poundage.  Mine to be exact.

I currently weigh 138.6…which is funny because I have CURRENTLY weighed 138.6 forever.

This process can be so tedious and tiring and yet I know without a shadow of doubt that soon my number will be less and I will be happy.  Happier.

Yes.  I am saying that…even after 18 months of total isolated quarantine…I still find myself to be happy.

Weight reduction is so doable…and so within our control it really is surprising that more people don’t just do it.  You know…like the Nike slogan “Just Do It”.

I mean…really…all you have to do is “put less food into your body” and “move that body” just a little more than before.

I mean it’s like quantum physics, right?  So simple.  So easy.  EVERYONE understands that.  It’s like the cracking the Enigma code…or  using the binary system…right?

I have completely lost my mind…

But…hopefully by next writing…I will have found it and instead have lost some weight..

Have a nice day…

“BREAKING NEWS…”

“SERIOUSLY…THIS IS HOT STUFF…”

Okay…maybe…lukewarm stuff.”

So.

Remember when I said I wasn’t going to pay any attention to all those .#s after my weight number on the scale?  Because…well…for whatever dumb reason I may have had at the time?

Well.

I have been weighing in at 138.8 for about FOREVER now and this morning I decided to weigh myself one day early…instead of waiting for Sunday…which is my NEW PLAN…(do not even ask…I have so many plans going…)

And.

I weighed 138.6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    IKR??????

Which.

Explains my insanely, happy dance around the living room at 6:47 a.m.

Also.

This is probably not a good time to go into great detail about the new Haagen Daz Soft Dipped ice cream bars that I purchased this week…BUT I will anyway because that is who I am…such a sharing, kind person.

I have already had one…so I AM a complete authority on how FANTASTIC they are at…270 (I know, I know) calories….and…to further wonder how can they keep the chocolate part soft as well as the ice cream part…

Breathe, Tina.

Okay…I’m good now…so…

While I have your attention here…temporarily at least…whatever happened to the clingability of Cling Wrap…which used to just GRAB AND CLING forever?  (I just know there are inquiring minds out  there…just like mine…wanting to know.)

There.  I am now done.

Have a nice day…

Cell Block #104

I am in prison.  No.  Don’t say anything.  There is nothing to say.  Jail.  Because of extenuating circumstances…my husband and I have to remain isolated…*

I looked at Post #66 a few minutes ago.  It was last June…when the pandemic was wandering the world and changing EVERYONE’S life.

It was horrible, terrible and really, really awful. It still is.  Millions have died and many more millions have been impacted by it’s wrath.

What the fuck did this world do?  Who did we piss off?

But now with the vaccine…a lot of people can go about their lives and do mostly normal things…every day…whenever they want.  Oh…what a luxury.

I, however, am in prison and I haven’t even done the crime.  As in “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”

Please note however, if you were to ask me, “Hey Tina!  What did you weigh last year at this time?”…there may be a crime after all.

On a positive note…I AM STILL DANCING.  Current weight 138#. The scale whispered 137# a couple of days ago but then coughed and settled at 138#.

Don’t worry…I’ll get there.

You.  Have a nice day…

* We represent between 3 to 4 % of the U.S. population for whom the vaccine may not work fully.  So even fully vaccinated, we are still at risk and have to behave as though we are not vaccinated.  Yes.  It does suck.

NO MORE ‘CLEAN PLATE CLUB’ FOR ME

When I was just a wee little kid growing up on the mean streets of good old Minneapolis, Minnesota…I used to walk with my mom to the doctor’s office.  It was only a few blocks.   (Yes…even when I was sick…)

One car per family in “the good old days”.  Plus my dad left for work at 4:00 a.m. and my mom didn’t know how to drive…

Dr. Peterson’s office was located above the neighborhood drug store…Peterson’s Drug Store…no connection.

The drug store was on one corner, Tommy’s Bar was on another corner and a hardware store and a gas station completed the intersection.   

Surrounding these establishments was a smattering of other businesses…a grocery store, a bakery, a gift shop, a move theater, another bar…The Greenwood and an upcoming boat business that catered to all the Scandinavian fishermen in the area…

It was the 1950’s version of today’s strip mall.  

Now as a kid…I was super skinny.  I was all bones and I ran everywhere. 

Apparently my mother was worried that maybe there was something wrong with me since I was so skinny, so she took me to see Dr. Peterson.  Oh joy.

After a very cursory examination of me…he told her there was nothing at all wrong with me…I was just skinny.

My mom THEN said I never finished eating…I always left food on my plate…

Dr. Peterson turns to me, leans closer and looks me in the eye and says…very stern like… 

“Don’t you belong to “The Clean Plate Club, Tina”?

I had no idea what he was talking about but not wanting this visit to go any longer…his nurse had picked up my file and was starting to open it…so I promptly said, “No…but I did hope to be a Girl Scout when I got older…”  I thought that this would be an impressive answer and he would pat me on the head and we would be out that door.

But no…Dr. Peterson sat back in his chair…pulled out his desk drawer and took out a pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes.  (OH I AM NOT KIDDING…).

He politely offered one to my mom…who politely took one.  He grabbed a book of Peterson Drug Store matches and lit her cigarette first and then his.

Then he leaned back in his creaky wooden desk chair and started to  tell me about all the poor, starving children in the world and how I should always finish my plate because those kids didn’t have enough to eat….somehow implying that it was all my fault…

I solemnly said that I would ALWAYS finish my plate from now on.

“Are you going to become a member of ‘The Clean Plate Club’, Tina?”  He asked with a big grin on his face…smoke encircling his head.

“Yes, Dr. Peterson.  I will.  I really, really will!!”  

I would have agreed to anything at this point since I noticed his very efficient nurse, Dorothy,  was starting to flip through the pages of my file…probably looking to see if I needed a booster shot or two…and I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

As luck would have it…no shot.  But as a reward for “being such a good, little girl” I did get a double-decker, French Vanilla ice cream cone in Peterson’s Drug Store to enjoy on the walk home.  My mom smoked another cigarette.  Oh those 50’s…

For about 3 weeks after that appointment, my mom tried to “strongly encourage” me to eat more and to “clean my plate”…to the point when one night  I got so nervous and upset that I threw up spaghetti all over the dinner table. 

And that…my friends… was the end of my membership in “The Clean Plate Club”.

How does all this tie into my current weight loss plan?  Well…for the past couple of weeks, I have been purposely not “cleaning my plate”…just leaving a little…just eating a little less…and…

And…of course…it is working since I currently am still at #139!!   Yay “Clean Plate Club” drop out!!  C’mon #138…

Have a nice day…

OMG!!!!!

DID YOU KNOW THE AVERAGE AMERICAN EATS 30 POUNDS OF FRENCH FRIES A YEAR?*  

That’s the size of a small child!!!

Sharing Time.  On dinner runs to Mickey D’s my daughter and I used to get a small order of fries (SO GOOD when they’re hot!!) just for snacking on the way home.

Oh, c’mon…..I’m not the only one who has done this…right?  Right.  Just saying.

DO YOU KNOW HOW INCREDIBLY LUCKY YOU ARE…TO HAVE ME HERE… “AT THE READY…EYES ALWAYS WIDE OPEN”…JUST TO KEEP  YOU ABREAST OF ALL THESE IMPORTANT FACTS OF LIFE…and…you know…other good stuff too…like guess who still weighs 139#?  Me 🙂 🙂

Have a nice day…

*National Geographic said so and I believe them…I mean…who wouldn’t?

“Okay…let’s all take a deep breath…”

My husband has fourteen million health problems...

Not really of course…but enough so that the Covid-19 vaccine will provide little if any protection.

He is an organ transplant.  He has had rheumatoid arthritis (an auto-immune disorder) for 40 years. He has type 2 diabetes. He is frail. He…  I could go on…but won’t.  I have made my point.*

So his truly safe path is to continue isolation.  There is no other way…since we all know he will probably if not assuredly die if he contracts this deadly disease.

And.  Since I am in constant contact with him and since even though I could get vaccinated and go about my merry way doing all the fun things I love to do…as millions of vaccinated people are doing right now… I cannot in all good faith take that tiniest chance that I would bring home that virus to him.  And kill him.

So.  Whereas he is somewhat content to not see our beautiful apartment and gorgeous views as a “prison with  big windows”…sometimes I do.  There I said it.

So.  Long story short. I have decided on a new weight-loss goal.  Because I need to focus on SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 month goal of 130# to be achieved by June 1, 2022 .

6 month goal of 135# to be achieved by January 1, 2022.

*Incidentally there are millions of people in the world just like my husband for whom the vaccine’s efficacy is poor perhaps even non-nonexistent. 

The brains behind the vaccine development in all cases purposely decided to NOT allow organ transplant recipients and others with auto-immune diseases to be part of the vaccine trials. 

So…when that magic liquid was shot into the arms of those people no one really knew what would happen or more importantly…as it turns out…what NOT would happen.  Just so you know…in case you are in that group of people and have gotten vaccinated.

Now…let’s get happy and talk about my homemade Betty Crocker “dinette” cake with homemade chocolate frosting—which somehow took away any desire I may have had to eat even a half Hershey bar…  What the hell is up with that?

Have a nice day…

“Well…I made it!!!!!!”

8 ounces a week for a month–gone!

Oh, please…don’t fall off your chair laughing…  This was an ordeal!!!.  This was terrifically hard.  

For those of you who are beginning a weight loss program of any kind…perhaps one that is designed for you to lose a LOT OF WEIGHT–FAST…losing 8 ounces a week or 2 pounds in a month will seem crazy.  But hey…

You get back to me when you are at the end of your goal and then you will understand what I mean.

It took me 4 long and arduous weeks but I persevered.  

And…there was absolutely no limb removal…I did cut off most of my hair though.  Seriously.  Pixie cuts are cool 🙂

Here is what I did…

I started to (AGAIN) look at my plate and see what was there…REALLY SEE…and then I would remove a little.  I stopped missing meals.  (I am not a big breakfast fan…before I stopped smoking in 2006…my breakfast was coffee and 5-6 cigarettes!)  I know…I know…

But this past month I started eating a half banana for breakfast.  So now I am not starving for lunch!!!  

SHOCKING NEWS  ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

I no longer have a whole Hershey candy bar after dinner…every…night. 

Once in a while I will have half…but I am back on the popsicle bandwagon again and…really do love them. 

But…I am not going to say good by to that half Hershey bar…no way.  It can just wait patiently for me in the drawer of the table by my chair.

The weather has been crappy so walking outside has been dicey…but I did it when I could.  Maybe 3 times a week.  That will increase now that it is warmer 🙂

Anyway…I now weigh 139# and have done so since May 16. I may sound a bit gleeful…but honestly..it was so damn hard. 

The one thing that I have always said (preaching to the choir here) is that “time is so important.”  You didn’t gain that extra weight overnight…and you will not lose it overnight.  That is the hard truth.  But you will probably keep it off…barring a pandemic…

A long time ago…when I started this blog…I said, “How bad can it be to gain just one pound a year?” 

You don’t need a calculator to figure that in 25 years you will go from 125 pounds to 150 pounds without even blinking.  So… 

I did not gain those 2 pounds in one month.  It probably took me about 3+ months.  AND…it did take me a year to gain over 10 pounds.

Anyone remember me weighing 130# on March 1, 2020?  Don’t worry if you don’t…I do.

HAH!  Thank you Covid-19…you fucking, bastard virus…

So…are you wondering if I am going to set another weight loss goal? 

So am I…so am I…

Have a nice day…

 

TODAY IS THE DAY, FOLKS…

PLACE YOUR BETS…

Did I achieve my  goal that I set on May 2, 2021 of losing 2 pounds in 30  days??????

Was I successful at shedding 32 ounces in 30 days?????

Did I go from 141# to 139# ????  I know but you don’t…not yet anyway.  Here’s what I thought would be fun… 🙂

It’s not too late for an office pool…I know there is always a “post-holiday” gloominess…so go for it.

The “over/under” gambling bit is fun…I’m not sure I completely understand it…but…whatever….

I will check in with you later today with the exciting results!!!  Have fun!!

P.S. Don’t be led by the optimistic tone of this post…I pride myself on waking up cheerful each morning! *

Have a nice day…

* Plus…I haven’t checked in with CNN yet…

Noteworthy…

I was just sitting here thinking about the fact that I have weighed 139# for a whole week…

…in case you missed it…my current weight goal is 139# by June 1st…yay me 🙂

When all of a sudden…this wild and crazy thought raced through my brain… “No one is going to be more surprised than me when I die…”

WTF????????????????? Where is that coming from?  Okay.  I actually do know where.  It is because I do not completely…or at all…understand the concept of age.

I cannot grasp how old I am.  I have never been able to do that.  I have “grown up”…to be sure…I got married, had a kid, voted…yadda yadda yadda..

But in my little  mind…the one in which I spend most of my time…I think I’m like… I don’t know… maybe 12?  

I’m pretty sure twelve was a good year.

Have a nice day…

 

WELL…

Long Story Short…

Of all the things important in this crappy, Covid-19 world…my journey of weight loss is (and should be) at the very bottom and I know that.

I really do.

But…so that I do not cry every second of every day at the almost overwhelming horror of it all…I know I will feel a little better if I weigh 139# on June 1…because it is something that I can ACTUALLY CONTROL if I choose to…or not.

Today’s weight………………….140#.  (I HAVE LOST ONE POUND!!!!)

Have a nice day…hopefully one in which you do not cry…but if you do…that’s okay too.

A NEW GOAL…

Not because I have achieved my previous goal…which I really don’t even remember.

BUT…because…

Today is May 2 and I am feeling that I must move on from my failure to achieve my previous goal…which I really don’t even remember.

SO. My new goal is #139 by June 1…

Of this year…

I weighed myself this morning and I still weigh #141…

You may now…if you wish…insert your favorite swear word as you commiserate with me.

My favorite swear word is FUDGE!!!

No, I’m just messing with you…it’s FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also…since it is May 2…I was going to be so clever and use the international distress call for help… MAYDAY!! MAYDAY!! …as a heading for this post.

But then I realized I didn’t need help.  What I needed was “resolve”…

I do not know the international call for RESOLVE.

I need to lose 2 pounds in one month.  I need to lose 1/2 pound per week…

I also need to eat…

“Oh, this is going to be one fun ride…” she said sarcastically…

Have a nice day…

“WHY???”

I just don’t get it.  And…it is really starting to tick me off…BIG TIME.

I eat “a little less”.  I walk…when I can…

But still…this morning I weighed 141#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just don’t get it and that is bothering me more than anything.  I am one of “those people” who cannot abide “not knowing the answer”.    Sorry.  It is who I am.  I love Google more than…well almost anything…

Like if someone came up to me tomorrow morning as I am walking in our nearby park and grabbed my phone out of my hand (because of course I am holding it…and looking at it for some idiotic but absolutely necessary reason) and then said to me…

“Hello, Tina.  I am going to throw your phone into that lake over there.”

And then…I would scream, “But WHY???????????? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU?  I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!!”

And then…he would say, “See?  That’s the problem.  My name is Jacob Zacharias.  Back in the third grade, you gave everybody Valentine’s Day cards and you didn’t give me one.”

And then…I would pause, think and then say, “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…right, right, right.  I remember now.  I ran out of cards…I was going by the alphabetical list the teacher gave us and…well…your last name does start with the letter Z.”

And then…I would say.  “I am really very sorry, Jacob. Are you still going to throw my phone in the lake?”

And then…he would say.  “Of course.”

BUT AT LEAST I WOULD KNOW WHY!!!!!!

Where was I going with this whole damn thing anyway?  Oh, yeah.  The “whys” of life.

I am NOT eating more.  I am NOT walking less (well a little less…maybe…but still.) I am not just sitting around watching grass grow.

LAST YEAR…I weighed 130#!!!!!  IKR??????

And…even though I am older…I am more tired than I should be…

It has to be Covid!!!  I don’t have it…but just the presence of this horrific monster spreading all over this world is so desperately defeating…

If I were a doctor/scientist of any kind, I would really look into this…I think I’m on to something…

I think…

Have a nice day…

(I was just about to write “PROGRESS” here but then I noticed some cookie crumbs on my keyboard and when I went to blow them off…they didn’t move…so I  instead accidentally hit a key and deleted everything I had written…)

SO THERE’S THAT…

PROGRESS…I walked today for the second day in a row…Minnesota weather is so sketchy…

But…it felt good to be out of the apartment and I was glad I had brought my long, winter scarf (I just noticed another cookie crumb but I am GOING TO IGNORE IT…) so I wrapped that around my neck and I am sure I looked like a complete idiot but I DO NOT CARE.

I still am hitting the scale at 140#…but am temporarily consoling myself* with these homemade…PURE BUTTER BEAUTIES!!

Have a nice day…

*Just found out that with my husband’s many medical conditions…the covid vaccine will be less then 10% effective…so isolation for us will continue UNTIL GOD KNOWS WHEN!!!!!!!!!

THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR EATING 3 PIECES OF CAKE…

(WITHIN A 2-HOUR TIME FRAME…)

EXCEPT…THE NCAA BAsketball final game… 🙂

Where my team…BAYLOR…beat Gonzaga…poor Gonzaga…

OMG…I have watched enough basketball games that seemed to be dashing towards victory…only to suddenly crumble in defeat…to KNOW that Baylor…in spite of their huge lead…could lose.  I HATE the 3-point shot.

I made the cake just  before dinner…I frosted it just before the game started…

There was no going back now…I was committed…perhaps I should BE committed…but that’s a story for another time.

DO NOT EVEN WONDER IF I AM WEIGHING MYSELF THIS WEEK…  

Have a nice day…


 BECAUSE…

I AM STILL AT #140…

I am surprised that I am not more upset…even slightly depressed.

Will I ever continue my (desired) downward spiral?  To my goal of #125…which was my original goal about a billion years ago?

Of course I will…I am not a complete idiot…notice I said “complete“…

Soon I will be outside more often…carelessly walking in the sun…getting sunburned (don’t care) and literally feeling the weight slip off my body.

BECAUSE...”That’s how life goes…” said my brilliant mother to me about a billion years ago…before she died…

Have a nice day…

“The mills of the gods grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.” *

WHICH MEANS…OR SO I HAVE READ…

Justice may be slow but it will come EVENTUALLY…

Here’s the deal…I am still at #140…still…STILL!!!!

Just casually wondering here…how long is EVENTUALLY?

Because I am only eating 1/2 of a Hershey bar now and have given up the BBQ potato chips entirely…

So.  There should be some justice for all my sacrifice, right?  I just knew you’d agree.

Have a nice day…

* Sextus Empiricus (3rd century Greek guy)  Hey!!  I don’t make this stuff up.

“WHAT????”

This is one of the worst days of the year for me…

This is when “someone” takes one hour out of my life and I have no idea where they are keeping it…in case I need it.  And I am pretty damn sure I will need it in the next few weeks…just saying…just a simple shout out…

I will be totally wrecked for the next 4 or 5 days…tired, hazy, unfocused…whatever.  Family and close friends may say…”Well…is that any different for you?”

And…I would answer…”Do I even know you?”

As the week meanders on…please do not ask me what time it is…

By mid-week…I will be wondering what the hell day it is..

I should be allowed to eat whatever I want today…just as a comfort.  OH, WAT…I already do that…I just eat less…

Have a nice…one…

“Speaking of obituaries…”

…Referencing A PREVIOUS POST…

So I was just sitting on the sofa…being all polite to my husband who was going through movies on Netflix to see if anything caught his eye…

Since I was near, he was sharing his thoughts…hence my politeness.

BYW...the “NUDITY” warning always caught his eye…ALWAYS…

My mind wandered…

I began thinking about my obituary picture…because sitting on my dresser is a really great one where I am sitting on the steps of our deck with my aviator sunglasses on, a cigarette dangling from one hand and I’m all tan since I have been working in the garden for many hours and am happily contemplating ordering Dominos’  sausage, onion and tomato pizza for dinner.  I look very happy and peaceful.  I also look pretty fucking  young…since I was…

Then…I  sadly realized that no one (I know) has THAT kind of money for a picture THAT big .

Plus…it would have to be in color to capture my sweat-enhanced, glowing tan… and so then…slightly discouraged… I thought…I wonder what the first line in my obit  should  be…

“Tina was a really nice person…who was liked by everyone who met her…even though she swore an awful lot.”

THAT should grab their attention…right?

And…NO…I am not thinking about obituaries because I haven’t lost any weight since last week…even though I could if I wanted…which I do not.

Have a nice day…

 

First things first…

OKAY.  FINE.  I had to abandon my new and much loved “truck-driver-type” breakfast and go back to the half banana and coffee bit.  Sigh…

BUT…as I was slowly eating my half banana…I began day-dreaming about all the things I planned to do when I could…when Covid would no longer haunt me.

THEN…I let my mind wander back into my past…remembering so many of the things I had actually done…some of which I probably shouldn’t have…heh…heh…heh…nothing illegal you know…just things… 🙂

AND…not to my my surprise at all, since I am so totally in touch with who I was then and with who I am now…well…once in a while…

I realized…that without a doubt…unequivocally…I was absolutely joyful about everything I had done…most of which of course I can’t share with anyone I happen to now know or be related to…well, obviously.  But…point is…no regrets.  None.

So there was that…

SECONDLY…           I am back to weighing 140#…

LASTLY…                 I looked at my blog from March 17, 2020 and I weighed…130.1#… 😦

I hate you Covid.  

Have a nice day…

 

#142… 😦

Well…I guess I can rack up another failed experiment.*

How is it possible to gain 2 fucking pounds in 4 days and yet impossible to lose 2 fucking  pounds in 4 months….OMG!!!! 

*Science was never my best subject.

Today I will walk…it’s going to be 40 degrees!!!!!!!!   SPRING 🙂

Have a nice day…

“A grand and glorious good morning to all!

Today…actually this morning…which is about 10:30 a.m. where I live…I am just finishing up my soon-to-be-everyday breakfast!  

Yup…you heard right.  I am no longer starving myself into a semi-unconscious zone until lunch time…or longer…if the fates allowed.  Very bad…I know…but I wasn’t actually hungry so…oh forget all that…it’s not the new me.

THIS IS THE NEW ME!!!!!:  2 green grapes, 1/2 banana, 1 slice white bread, 1 1/2 Tablespoons butter (unsalted), 1/2 ounce smoky (I love anything smoky.) cheddar cheese, 3 Tablespoons of sugar with my coffee and one chocolate chip cookie (homemade).

And THEN…I am going down to the swimming pool and swim 25 laps…

HAH!!!…That’s never happening:) I even hate to take showers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I think at some point in my life I may have come close to “dying by water”…or as some people say…drowning…but that implies a lack of parental control which would cast aspersions on my beloved now dead mother and that simply would not be the case.

I was a strangely yet lovingly micro-managed child.

Have a nice day…

“What did you do?”

Remember when you were a kid and you went to the front door to pay the pizza delivery guy and then there was this horrible crash that sounded like a plane had hit the house but was instead the pizza delivery guy’s car barreling into our closed  garage door  because he had forgotten to secure the parking brake on his car correctly…yet you mother comes running out of the kitchen and shouts at you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when you were fifteen and you somehow got a date with the drop-dead, good-looking captain of the football team who (erroneously) was led to believe that you would be “a lot of fun” on the first date…and then when he never called you again because you were not…your best friend asked you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when the 200-year-old water heater sprung a leak and your husband (who is a complete idiot anyway) came up the stairs, looked at you cooking yet again another  fabulous dinner because he NEVER likes to eat out…told you about it and then said…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Andfinally…when you watched the Super Bowl and your beloved team and  quarterback were getting crushed from almost the very first snap…instead of pushing excessive amounts of comfort food into your mouth (which is what you wanted to do) you just pulled up a cozy, fleece blanket and went to sleep for about a half hour…only to discover upon waking… that things had gotten infinitely worse instead of better…but being a true fan you sat and watched it to the bitter end…ever hopeful for the miracle…that never came.

So…you just got up and walked forlornly out into the kitchen and fixed dinner and did NOT EAT extra food or more than one piece of white cake with chocolate/fudge frosting that you had made “special for the game” yesterday…

Yet…when I weighed myself this next morning… the scale showed #140!!!

And…of course... the very first thought that came into my little pea-sized brain was…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?????”

Nothing.  I did nothing wrong.  Sometimes life just sucks.

(At least I didn’t bet $125 on the over…)

Have a nice day…

SUPER BOWL, BABY…

HOWEVER…MORE IMPORTANTLY…

I have weighed #139 for 6 days in a row!!!!!!!

AND…here’s how I accomplished this milestone of leaving #140 behind…

To be honest…I’m not sure.

EXCEPT…I have been putting “less” food on my plate. Not a lot less…just a little less.   I kid you not!!!

Seriously.  That’s it!  No denial of chocolate bars.  No reduction of barbecue potato chips (my latest addiction).  No marathon running…BOOM!!!!The sound you just  heard was me falling off my chair laughing hysterically….hey, I can barely spell marathon…

So…just like the title of this blog…”I (basically) just ate less…”   I guess it pays to listen to myself…once in a while.

AND NOW I BETTER NOT FUCK THIS UP…

Because…the Super Bow is in 3 days and I LOVE Patrick Mahomes and I LOVE Andy Reid and…don’t even get me started on Travis Kelce… I LOVE…oh it doesn’t matter.  I fucking love the whole team and I want them to win so badly…

(I also want to trade our quarterback  Kirk Cousins to Houston so we can get Deshaun Watson and then Houston can trade Kirk Cousins to New England for Cam Newton…Cam would love Houston… )

Hey…this is my world…however nuts it may seem to you…PLUS I NOW WEIGH #139!!

HOWEVER…we all know what happened the last time I ate my way thru a crucial football game…I gained like 2 pounds!!!  NOT this time…no way…

…however…don’t bet the house on me…

Have a nice day…

Flirtations…Temptations

DECISIONS…COMPLICATIONS…

Welcome to my world,,,such as it is…

The Lay’s Potato Chip slogan in the sixties… “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One…” was pure genius.

Okay…here’s what happened to me last week.   I weighed myself and the scale “flirted” with #139 and then settled at #140…again…sigh

It’s been at #140 for a few weeks…as you all know…because I’ve told you this so many times…but…this morning…the “flirtation”. 

I was pretty damn excited…I don’t mind telling you.

I was thinking…maybe I’m turning the corner.  Maybe this is it…the downward spiral.  I am finally going to get to #139…stay there and then…the sky’s the limit!

I actually was eating less…and was completely done with the whole Christmas cookie thing…and I was walking a little…  Okay, walking sometimes.  Oh…I am so pathetic.

But here’s the deal…  You knew this was coming, right?

I am such a loser…but moving forward in this tale…

I have now become addicted to Lay’s BBQ potato chips.  IKR?

And it wasn’t even my fault.  REALLY!!!!  What the hell happened…you might ask?  Well, I will tell you…

A regular sized bag of Lay’s BBQ potato chips mysteriously appeared in my grocery bag a few days ago…maybe the delivery packer/person thought I needed more  spice in my life…I don’t know…  I wasn’t even charged for them!

So there this bag sat on my counter…next to some bananas and tomatoes.   I do eat some good stuff, you know…

I knew these chips have been around forever…decades probably…and I had never tried them.  I love barbecued ribs and chicken.   So I thought…”Oh, what the hell…”

I’ll just have one…

And then I had ten.

And now…when I go to bed at night… I bring the whole bag with me…not a bowl…the whole bag…

I know this sounds perfectly horrible but I only eat one or two (maybe three) chips…

This amount is loads less than if I were to take a regular sized bowl out of the cupboard, put it on the counter and then add… you know…some chips.  NO ONE would put 3 chips in a bowl…

Let’s face it…two or three chips would look crazy…unless I used a teeny-tiny bowl…which I do not even have…so…

It made perfect sense to me!   Honestly, sometimes I think I should just run this whole world…

So there you go.  Life…my life…

Have a nice day…

#140… 😦

You knew that was coming…right?  You knew the #139 wouldn’t last… after Christmas and all that?  Right?  Well…here’s what I am thinking…

It could have been so much worse.  Positivity!!  The key to success…or an excuse to go have a cookie.  Hey.  I’m okay with that….they’re MY cookies…I can do what I want with them…right?  Right!

2 Things: 

#1.  My brilliant daughter completely re-did my website (apparently I really didn’t have one that functioned) AND it is fantastic!!   All organized and beautiful!

She also told me “Don’t Touch Anything!!”...just write.  Lol.  (BTW, Erika, I am not touching anything.)

#2.  I never thought I would sit in front of my television set and say…”I can’t believe that this is happening here.”  Again. Life was already abnormal with Covid-19 and now domestic terrorism.  Unbelievable.

#3.  I know I said “2 things”…but this is really important.  I have one task for today and it is a really important one.

I am going  to bake a chocolate cake with chocolate fudge frosting.  There.  I said it.  I relegated it to a phantom #3 position…but nonetheless…I said it.

And I will eat it…

Have a nice day…

I’m just glad I didn’t go to #141 or #142.

Well…

…sometimes…somethings don’t always go

the way you want…but…

As you may recall…I had a weight goal of 139.0# by December 25, 2020.  That is 139.0..

A couple of weeks ago…I flirted with 139.2…for a couple of days….then I returned to 140.0…

BUT THEN I hit 139.2 again and stayed…

Picture happy me dancing around my  apartment at 6:58 a.m.!!!

However,  the sane, non-dancing part of me knew that Christmas Eve was coming…and I had a killer potato recipe that involved cheese and garlic pepper and I also had a new way to fix ham…AND…

Let us not forget…strawberry cream cheese pie for dessert.  (There may have been a veggie or two but I can’t remember…)

Not only did I NOT move from 139.2 to 139.0…I went to 139.6!!!!!!!

SO I HAVE DECIDED…BECAUSE I CAN…TO ELIMINATE THE .#’s…as in no more .2, .4, or .6…you get the idea.

From now on…when I weigh in…I either weigh 138 or I weigh 139 or I weigh 892…again…you get the idea.

I never liked fractions in school anyway…so here’s what all this means…

I MADE MY GOAL!!!  Merry Christmas and Happy New New!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a nice day…

140.0…and

four days until Christmas goal of 139.0…

Yesterday…in the spirit of Christmas and baking and the Scandinavian  genes that run amok throughout my body…I baked three different kinds  of cookies.

Why would anyone desperately (and I do mean desperately) trying to lose weight…bake cookies?  Am I completely mad?

Perhaps…or perhaps I am just a mother/grandmother who finds it hard to say NO to requests of this nature…

The cookies were nothing special…just the favorites of my eldest granddaughter, my youngest granddaughter and my only daughter.

And…because I feel it is the responsibility, as matriarch of this tiny family unit,  to make sure that what I give them to eat will not…you know…make them sick or kill them…I had to… “taste test”.

Now…as any good or even mediocre cook knows…the “taste test”…is probably the most important step in the cooking process…AND…the most fun.

So yesterday…I thru caution to the wind (as I so often do) and taste tested to oblivion!!

I THOUGHT this morning’s scale encounter would show a weight gain…it surprisingly did NOT

Has there been some sort of “shapeshifting occurrence” of which I am not aware?

I am very fearful for what today might bring.

Have a nice day…

“Defining Moments…in MY life…

One Very Cold Winter Day…

It was December 28, 1958. The day dawned dark, dreary and supremely cold.  Did the sun even come up?  Oh, I guess so…it always does.  But in my world it was a a perfect day for watching football…I was just getting hooked on this incredible sport. 

(Did I just say hooked?  Oh.  My.)

Christmas?  A memory.  New Year’s Eve?  A  maybe plan.  A football game?    Why not…pop that corn and curl up.

The New York Giants, America’s Cinderella team, was playing the Baltimore Colts…the NFL championship game to be later crowned as  “The Greatest Game Ever Played”.  

The Baltimore Colts, artistically guided by the diminutive, Weeb Ewbank  and led by the  incomparable quarterback, Johnyy Unitas, who threw pass after pass to brilliant wide receiver, Ray Berry…secured a massive upset victory with only mere minutes left in the game… and in the process… led me down an Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole to years of football addiction….

I have stories…oh…I have stories…

BUT…today the story is simply this:

Eating not one but two Hershey’s candy bars and two popsicles and half of a donut in one afternoon (before a dinner of nachos) and then follow that the next afternoon… with pizza. hamburgers, homemade fries and  just a sliver of Neopolitan ice cream plus, of course, customary Hershey’s and popsicle and you have…drumroll please…

141.4 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no excuse.  Well…”I don’t know how he missed that field goal…AGAIN!!!”

Today…I weigh 140 pounds and am just hoping for the best…and to achieve my Christmas goal of 139:)

Have a nice day…

 

139.2 POUNDS!!!–WOO HOO!!

Okay…CLOSE…

BUT NO CIGAR (as they used to say a million years ago)

Okay.  Here’s the deal.  I am fully confident that I will reach my goal of 139# before my Christmas Day deadline…I have ALWAYS had an abundance of confidence…perhaps occasionally TOO much abundance…if that is possible?…  Trust me on this…it is.

But that is a tale for another day…

SO…if I reach my 139# goal…say on December 12th or…December 15th and then it stays for a couple of days…then what?

(I consider weight staying gone for 2-3 days to be the litmus test for success…because…

AS WE ALL KNOW TOO WELL…weight can mysteriously re-appear out of the bluethe very next day…after you have celebrated your loss by doing a rather joyful dance around your living room…NOT NAKED!!!)

SO…back to me…

Do I change my goal to 138 pounds?  That seems harsh…right?   I could just set a new goal  after Christmas Day…right?  Or on  New Year’s Eve…right?

Yeah.  I like that.  I’m not changing my goal weight…but…I’m not going to eat more either or stop weighing myself…because then I would have to change the title of this blog and I’m definitely not going there…

Have a nice day…

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

WAY TO GO…YAY, ME!!!

140.0 !!!!!

Okay.  Ten minutes have passed…which (in my humble opinion) is quite long enough to celebrate this current weight loss victory.

MY NEW WEIGHT GOAL:  BY DECEMBER 25, 2020…drum roll please…is…

139.0

Now…I know there are “people out there” who may think that losing one pound in approximately 25 days is a ridiculous goal…but…

I would beg to disagree.

For all the countless people in this world…achieving a goal of any kind is awesome…

But if you are a person (like me) who struggles with weight loss or weight gain…you know, agree and understand the impact of losing just one pound…

…and more importantly…keeping that one pound “gone”.

The irony of this most recent move from 140.6 to 140.0…is that I can’t figure out how I did it…

Oh.  Wait…  🙂

“I just ate less…among other things…”

Have a nice day…

 

“WOO HOO!!!!”

140.06 pounds…two days in a row!!!

I wanted to tell everyone this fantastic news yesterday…but then I thought…some really deep thoughts…

“What if this is just some quirk in the universe?  A miss-alignment of the planets?  A black hole…whatever…?”

I personally blame the ‘black hole phenomenon’ for everything…good and bad…because…well…why not?”

So yesterday I decided to just stop eating…just to make sure the weight would stay off…

HAH!!  Just kidding.  I actually ate normally…and may I suggest the “thin” little chocolate cookies with the white stuff in the middle”?  Okay I will.  Just one.  Dipped into coffee…so it doesn’t break a crown?  So yummy!

However…back to the beginning…two nights ago I was SO DAMN TIRED!  

Even though I have gotten just a “slightly bit older” (I have such a way with words, don’t I?) I don’t always know when to stop doing things and just take a little nap…

So…two nights ago I got into bed and because I was so EXHAUSTED, I skipped the small bowl of potato chips I now have (instead of the wheat crackers I used to have).

Will you quit yelling at me and let me finish? 

Chips can be very good for you…mentally…and…and emotionally! I’m pretty sure about that…

And…WAIT!!!!  I almost forgot!!  This little bedtime snack actually stopped my acid reflux!!!

SO…ANYWAY…I read one page and my eyes started to close.  My head started to droop.

And before I could even put one chip into my mouth, I shut off the light and went to sleep.

Weight in the morning was 140.6!

I danced around  for about 10 seconds… make that 3… (you read the ‘slightly bit older’ part didn’t you?) and then wondered why my weight has gone down. 

Being the unrecognized genius that I am…I then remembered that…

I had skipped the chips!  

So…last night I did the same thing and this morning I ran…I am so funny…I dragged myself slowly to the kitchen, eyes still almost shut and weighed myself…

140.06 pounds!!!!!!

Don’t you just love science?

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I AM A TOTAL FAILURE!…AGAIN!!!

Well…perhaps not a total failure…

But damn close.  I just weighed myself this morning and I weight 141.2 pounds.

I KNOW RIGHT?  This is the result of chocolate cake, candy bar(s), popsicle(s) potato chips and thinking I was too busy to walk…and that was just the first day of my slide into hell.

However…I apparently was not too busy to gain weight:(

This is what happens when you become consumed…with things that you really cannot control.  It doesn’t matter what those things are…the principle is the simple truth.

And, frankly and honestly I am way too far down my journey to “not know better.”  I did know and now I have to face the consequences.

I have always lived by this rule:  For every action there is a consequence.  Not complicated.  Not profound.  Basic common sense.

So.  Let’s keep this short.  NOW WHAT…

Well…I begin again.  Eating less and walking in the rain.

I have and I did.

Have a nice day…

“139”…no change…

but still hopeful…

My new media entry on the opening page of my blog  is not meant to be pessimistic…

But rather…optimistic in that it shows spaces for possibilities…like if I thought really hard….I could fill them in and even add more!! 

Not that there was a choice mind you…but still…

It’s Friday, October 30, 2020 and in a few short days we will have a new president/leader in this country…OR if notI will begin having two candy bars after dinner and resume smoking…because…well…why the fuck not…life will be over…relatively speaking.

However…closing here on a positive note…I tried (BECAUSE I COULDN’T JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, COULD I???…) a trial run on our freeway system anticipating a return trip to the doctor’s office later in the week and MISSED the exit sign… “11C…11C…11C!!!!!!!”

I took 11B…

And…ended up incorrectly following the “light rail” construction site detour.  JFC…

It was bad.  I won’t lie to you…but it could have been worse.  I could have ended up in Wisconsin…

 This would have broken most people…but not me…

I obviously survived.  Somehow I knew that my life was not going to end…either literally or metaphorically…on some fucked up freeway system in the heartland of America.

See?  I filled in line one already…

Have a nice day…

 

“I can’t believe I didn’t just kill him…

OMG!!!!!”

So.  My Husband needed to see a dermatologist for some odd growth removal on his jaw…don’t worry…it was nothing.

However, a consultation was needed in addition to the procedure so we were looking at two long journeys.   The office was in an unfamiliar suburb several miles away.

Now…I personally like to take the non-freeway road option on my map app whenever I can.

Even though I know I am a very competent driver I also know that others are often times not…and they generally pass me even when I’m going 70-80 MPH…in a 65MPH zone.

Yes!!!!  I do know that I am currently speeding at this point…but only a little…and these idiots are passing me anyway!!!!

Now this particular non-freeway road option was unusually complex and winding… with a couple of signage errors (not my fault)…so that I unfortunately made a couple of wrong turns.   A couple of minutes were lost…whatever. 

Things like this do not bother me at all…  Husband, however…is another story. 

Husband apparently had something important to do when we returned home that day.

Note:  He had nothing important to do when we returned home that day. 

However…in the interest of keeping Husband happy…see how nice I am?…I mentioned to  Him that I happened to notice a sign to an entrance ramp for a major freeway that could get us home a tad sooner.

I did this before looking at my map app… THAT WAS MY SECOND MISTAKE.  (My first mistake…involved wedding vows…but I digress.)

“Oh.  YES!!!  We MUST take this route home!!” He said gleefully.   

While He is getting ‘consulted’ about his slice and dice procedure…I looked at our return trip on my map app…via freeway road option.  Oh my…

I want you to now imagine 6 strands of cooked spaghetti, cut up into two or three pieces and then whimsically thrown on a dinner plate. 

Detailed directions accompanying this “map photo” went something like this…

Go right, go left, go right, go right again, take the third left, go left, go back, go around, go left again, go to Hell.

(I should mention here that I have just a teeny, tiny vision problem…when it comes to reading signs…at a distance…going 70 MPH.

And also…sometimes I occasionally confuse…just momentarily mind you…right and left…but never red or green…okay there was that one time but that was all.)

Suffice it to say…as I was desperately trying to figure out where the hell the EAST entrance ramp was  and which lane (there were 4) I needed to be in right nowin order to access it…(going 55 MPH) LIKE EVERYONE ELSE…yeswe ARE ALL EXCEEDING THE SPEED LIMIT!!!)

Husband says to me…in a tone that suggested that he had absolutely nothing else going on in his little mind) as I am frantically trying to read and recognize signs…and pay attention to…I don’t know…EVERYTHING…and NOW going 60 MPH LIKE EVERYONE ELSE…

“Can you spray the windows?  I can’t see very good…there’s a little smudge here…right in front of me…”  He points…

“YOU CAN’T SEE VERY GOOD???…

I  AM SO CLOSE TO CAUSING A MULTI-CAR CRASH… KILLING US…OR AT THE VERY LEAST CAUSING SERIOUS BODILY HARM TO EVERYONE…SO I CAN GET YOU HOME 5 MINUTES SOONER…AND THERE’S A LITTLE SMUDGE IN FRONT OF YOU????”

There wasn’t a competent judge in this world who would have thrown me in jail had I just brained him on the spot…but then…the definition of competent these days is a little sketchy… right?

I didn’t want to take a chance.

Have a nice day…

“Okay… Here’s the deal…”

I am not dead!!  Woo Hoo!!!  Super!!!

That being said…what I have been doing is… writing/publishing my latest short story…“One guy…One girl…One motorcycle or…” which…

…is appearing…somewhere in this blog…

Do not even ask where…because I don’t know how to tell you how to just push a button and get there…because…because…I just don’t know…)

I (personally) think it’s just a miracle I managed to mentally, emotionally and spiritually figure out how to use the new BLOCK  EDITOR! *

*(Okay, I am not really using it…I just push that little ‘classic’ square and go from there…DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!!)

And now before I begin my next story…which is Christmas (holiday) themed/cookie related…I am making a checklist of all the boring  stuff I have to do before I can start writing again…and  one of the items on my list is: LOSE  10 pounds…5 pounds…1 more fucking pound…

If you recall (or care) I was stuck at 140 pounds FOREVER…AND…I had been and am still refusing to give up my daily chocolate bar…and a couple of potato chips…(Oh…stop shaking your head…)

BUT in spite of all my horrible addictions, I somehow magically have lost one pound and now weigh… 139 pounds.!  Yay Me!!

AND…this is not just some… “One day I forgot to eat!!!”  deal...which I have done and really should never.. ever do again…but that’s another tale for another day…

So…without my “not-eating all day diet”…I am consistently weighing in at 139 pounds.

NOW…the next thing on my ‘TO DO’ list is:

Oh…I even hate to put it in print because then it becomes SO FINAL.  Okay.  Here goes…

I HAVE TO CLEAN MY HOUSE…  There.  I said it.  Everyone happy now???  

Have a nice day…

…I am in BIG trouble…140#!!!

Holy Moly!!!  I heard you gasp from all the way over there…wherever ‘there’ is…

I was doing so well…

I was almost to the 129# mark on a regular basis…125# by November was happening…

AND THEN… COVID-19  hit.

Oh, don’t get me wrong here…I was a full and compliant participant.

No one was forcing chocolate bars and potato chips down my throat while I was strapped to a chair and bravely refusing to share “very secret secrets” with them. …

(BY THE WAY…potato chips are my NEW addiction.  Go big or go home, right?  Wrong…)

“But weren’t you walking on a regular basis?  I seem to recall you saying…” 

NO!!!! I STOPPED DOING THAT!  

It was… just…TOO HOT AND TOO HUMID!!!!! And…because…”insert whatever fucking  excuse you can think of.”

Basically…I just closed my eyes and flipped off the reality switch in my brain.  Sometimes reality is so…REAL.

So.

Now I have to go back to whatever sections in my little “I just ate less,,,” treatise that apply to me and start ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!   YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Incidentally.  A small factoid.   This is NOT an excuse for my total lack of self-control…but still…all roads lead to Rome…right?

I have dreams ALL the time that I have Covid-19.  It is the damnedest thing…and not surprising… very unsettling….

Have a nice day…

“How crazy is this???”

‘BTW…I’ve done worse…but that’s a tale for another time…’

Last night…about midnight…I was just about to turn off the harsh and mostly unforgiving bathroom light and head off to dreamland…when…

…I sleepily glanced in the ‘HUGE‘ bathroom mirror and noticed that my hair looked really awful…kinda straight and stringy…no snap…

Now…to be fair…the morning had been ‘hectic’…and I didn’t really get a chance to…you know…”style” my ‘bob length” hair.

However…I had run a comb thru it in the morning and…during the day  I had probably ‘fluffed’ it every time I looked in any mirror (which was often)…but I had not officially put a curling iron or flat iron to an actual hair strand.

So…about 12:11 a.m….I got out my curing iron…and plugged it in.

Then I did a slow stroll out to the living room to look out the patio door window into the dark courtyard to see if there was anyone lurking out there…(there never is…but I continue to look nonetheless)…and then I returned to the bathroom…

…where I proceeded to completely curl and carelessly style my hair.

…SO… that I would look good (or hopefully less horrible) when I got up in the morning.

And…full disclosure…at 6:03 a.m. this morning…I looked pretty damn good!!

Have a nice day…

I keep hearing these little voices…*

It was 7:29 a.m. and I was just innocently sitting at my kitchen table…minding my own business…just looking out the window  and watching the rain fall.

So very, very peaceful…and sane.

But then…I heard this little voice in my head…you know the kind I mean…they usually appear in a bubble over someone’s head in a cartoon…

The voice said, “It would be really, really swell to have a sugar cookie right now.”  And the voice was exceptionally enticing.

And…because I always pay attention when I am talking to myself…I answered… “You know…it really would.”

However…I didn’t have any sugar cookies.  My cookie jar was empty.

So in order to have a cookie…I would have to bake a cookie…or bake many cookies.

And so then I said…out loud…”Well, I guess I have to bake some cookies.”

So…if you happen to overhear someone talking to themselves…and it’s pretty obvious they are not on a cell phone.

Don’t necessarily assume that they are…you know…wacko.

It’s very possible that they just need a cookie.

*And that is why I still weigh 137.0 

Have a nice day…

137.0#

There are no excuses…only a new plan…

A million years ago…on a 92 degree summer day…I shoveled 5 yards of black dirt.  The dew point was in the upper 60’s.

 

It was a hot one, my friends…

I  worked all day…smoked way too many cigarettes…but I got the job done…

Just like I will get the job done now…

NEW GOAL…….132.0 by August 10, 2020…..

Have a nice day…

P.S.  I know you’re wondering…I will do this without giving up my chocolate bar…hey…it was bad enough I had to give up cigarettes 14 years ago…give me a break…

So…….

Could someone please tell me…*

How I can spend over an hour of my precious time writing, editing, writing, changing, writing…….and more…..to get one perfect sentence…

And then have absolutely NO willpower when it comes to blithely (as in having not a care in the world) getting up and walking four steps to the cookie jar and grabbing two (NOT ONE…but TWO)  chocolate chip cookies and then eating them in like less than 3 minutes?

*Don’t really tell me…I don’t want to know…ignorance can be bliss.   The cookies were homemade…by me:)

Have a nice day…

ASTONISHING

COVID-19 BENEFIT…perhaps…

Here’s the deal.  Today I was taking my daily walk…okay…my almost daily walk.

I had just purchased some really cool looking face masks…HELLO!!!  COVID-19 (in case you were wondering)…..

So I decided on the black and white checked one.    I also had to put on my large black (super cool Ray-Ban) sun glasses because it was……….sunny!!

Since I was starting my walk in an area with no people I just had the mask pulled down below my chin…covering the…you know… “jowls” area.

For those youngsters who may not know (yet) what  jowls are…well good for you!!!..  But please allow me to enlighten you.

They are an area beneath your chin that you will almost assuredly get as you age and will also most assuredly not like hate.

But guess what?  No one could see them!!!   HAH!  (Important only to those who might care about that.)  (I do..on occasion.)

THEN…a couple of people came strolling down the lane towards me…not wearing masks.  Just so you know, I consider people who do not wear masks to be terribly unaware.

So…anyway… I flipped mine up and continued walking.  I wasn’t sure if I knew them…it is a relatively small apartment complex where I live so…I might have.

However, when I walk I keep my head down when people are approaching…I’m not into the stop & chat bit..so we passed each other and no one said anything.

After they passed…it suddenly occurred to me that most of my face had been  covered…I was basically unrecognizable.  I could have been anyone…and…any age!!!

So where is all this taking me?  I can now appear to look as young as I feel with no plastic surgery!!!

So there.  Take that corona virus.  I win.

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Still rocking 134.4 and NO, I AMNOT GIVING UP THAT DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR!!! !!!!!!!!!:)

I AM A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURE…

And I’m pretty sure it’s not my fault…

134.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s the deal.  How is it humanly possible for me to gain weight by just eating only one lousy candy bar…one…that unfortunately I am totally addicted to…every night after dinner?

I really don’t want to eat one every night after dinner!!!!

I love that damn candy bar…what is it…213 calories?

OH STOP!!!!!!!  I HEAR YOU…….

Getting back to “it’s not my fault”…I think that I should do an experiment. 

I believe if I got up and only drank black coffee and water ALL day long for a month…I would still gain weight…if I only ate “my precious”* candy bar for dinner.  I totally believe that!!  

I KNOW I would also probably die…so I won’t be doing that…in case you were wondering…

There are a lot of other things “I totally believe”…but those are tales for another time.

*Did you catch the ‘Lord of the Rings’ reference?  heh heh heh…

Have a nice day…

 

 

Holding at 133.8…

and…damn happy to be doing so…considering…

Can you believe this mess we’re all in?  Sometimes I stop and think…this cannot be real!!

But..it is.

I called my daughter the other day and asked her, “Do you mind not shopping?”…and she said…”NOT AT ALL…I could happily become agoraphobic in a heart beat…”…

AND I…being the completely self-centered person that I am :)…thought…HOLY MACKEREL where did I go wrong?  Did I raise her incorrectly?  Who doesn’t miss shopping?  Is that even normal?  Is that even healthy?  

And then I answered myself..and said, “Of course, it is.  My daughter is absolutely brilliant (I DID raise her right) and is doing exactly what she should be doing…

…considering the situation…which is pretty frightening and horrible…and unknown.

DO YOU want to be that dumb girl who always goes down the basement when she hears a strange noise…even though she knows the power could go out at any moment because it’s storming and it’s  thundering and it’s lightning…AND…the light from her flashlight is really dim because the batteries are old (she tested it)…AND…she just heard on the television that there is a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a nearby prison…and is on the loose…in HER … neighborhood..?

WELL…DO YOU???????

I didn’t think so.  Me neither.

Have a nice day…

“IS MY NIGHTLY CHOCOLATE BAR…

A GATEWAY DRUG TO…TO…

I don’t know….I have no idea what the future holds for me….

I have been thinking about hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn lately…

There was a time in my past when I had no control and started to have one regular size  Hershey bar AND a bowl of hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn EVERY SINGLE NIGHT…but my beloved cat Lulu had just died…

I didn’t plan on her dying…I planned on her getting well from “something” that was causing a brief lull in her eating habits…she was not eating nearly enough…and chubby, little Lulu LOVED to eat more than anything.

So I was bringing her to the University of Minnesota Veterinarian School for testing at the highest level…

…unfortunately they found after hours of waiting and testing that she had a tumor the size of a softball on her lung that was pressing on her little throat and “we could put a feeding tube down her throat and she would last a couple more weeks…if that’s an option for you…”  They said…

I said.   “I love you Lulu.  You are my best friend and sometimes I think you are my only friend and because I love you so very much I will not be bringing you home with me today…but I will remember…as per our discussion on the way over here …to take the Hoyt Avenue shortcut on the way home.”

That night (and every night for almost a year) I had a  large bowl of hot, buttered lightly salted  (regular not sea) popcorn and a Hershey bar.  I gained almost 20 pounds…which is what Lulu weighed when she died…

Life is crummy right now and can be unbearably sad and fraught with anxiety…but then…I remember my little black cat named Lulu who was…very probably…my best friend…who loved to eat until one day when she couldn’t…

Have a nice day…

133.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT…I’m on this.

I realize now that I had forgotten to allow for the “X” Factor” when I was doing my  recent “Hershey” candy bar research…you know…the research that almost left me blind???  (What kind of scientist am I for heaven’s sake?) …

(Well, Tina…you are the “I Am Not a Scientist” kind).

I don’t know exactly what the hell the “X” Factor” is…I may have been partially blind at that point during my research…however…

It is possible that I am the “X Factor”…which would make sense since I have now discovered (I WORK SO HARD FOR THIS DAMN BLOG!!) that the definition of “X Factor” is:

“Telling yourself what you want to hear (or finding facts…however outrageous on Google…((I LOVE YOU, GOOGLE))!!!!) so you can feel really good right now…but will later come to realize that perhaps those ‘facts’ were wrong and that you are a completely idiotic person and you better now stop doing whatever you are doing to get yourself to this point (where you do not want to be)…like…

…RIGHT NOW.”*

*This definition might be slightly flawed…or maybe a little incorrect…or possibly skewered a tad…and…’bat-shit crazy’ will also work here.

Have a nice day…

HERE’S THE DEAL…

I have done so much damn research on this I am almost blind…

But.  I have double checked the results and I can report beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can eat one whole Hershey’s candy bar (no nuts) every day after dinner and it will be just fine.

I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.  I WOULD NOT KID YOU!!!!!

Listen to me…I NEED that candy bar…now…more than ever!!

My daughter just informed me over ZOOM that I won’t be seeing her or my 2 AWESOME granddaughters and super son-in-law until…maybe…

NEXT THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!  AS IN 2021!!!!!!!!!!

IKR? WTF!!!!!!!!!  😦

Have a nice day…

“I’m still here…”

You know…I saw this damn virus thing coming around the second week of January…

There was this ever so tiny, two inch article…buried deep on page 5 or 6…in my local newspaper that caught my eye…something along the lines of … and I’m PARAPHRASING here…

MYSTERIOUS VIRUS IN CHINA WILL JUST ABOUT KILL ALL OF US!!!!!

And then I remembered noted University of Minnesota doctor of diseases…Michael Osterholm saying on PBS about a dozen years ago that “SOME HUGE PANDEMIC IS COMING AND DON’T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I AM WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT!!!!”

I also remember looking over at my husband and saying…”Wow…who is this dope?”

So I was wrong…shoot me.

Anyway…back to ‘I saw this damn virus thing coming’...

There was something in those few words that led me to Google…Wuhan, China.   (God I love Google…so beats the “Guide to Periodical Literature” for fact finding)…

And there I saw an interesting map with red, not so red, and pink circles, showing how many cases of ‘this new virus’ there were today…and…MORE IMPORTANTLY…how many there were.. yesterday…OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN…I Googled…:)…Japan…(Don’t know why..) and saw empty shelves on which toilet paper used to be sitting…and that scared the crap (no pun intended) out of me.

So…long story short…I started buying some “extra” toilet paper and enough food to last…for enough time.

BUT…I have not been able to “BE WHO I AM” and so…I have not lost any more  weight…AND IN FACT…have gained A POUND!!!!!!!!!!

But…here’s the deal.  You know how when you go to prison for doing some really horrible stuff?

And then they’re going to “gas you or electrocute you or inject you (not with disinfectant…I might add…lol) with poison? …you know…to kill you?

Well, they ALSO  let you have your favorite meal the night before…right?

RIGHT???  You bet they do…

Have a nice day…

“The doctor doesn’t want to see my husband until June 1…” 

and I said…

“WHAT THE FUCK!!!”

Okay, okay…relax.  I didn’t say that…exactly.  What I said to the very sweet nurse was…

“How about June 2 at 3:30?  Will that work?”… (see how polite and normal I can be?)

..and…of course it did work…BECAUSE THAT’S A VERY, VERY LONG TIME FROM NOW…..and I was the first person she called.

So, I’m thinking, if my husband’s kidney specialist…as in BIG TIME DOCTOR... doesn’t want to see patients until June 1…then that means HE’S  ‘social distancing’…for more than a month from now…right?  Am I right?  Yep…thought so also.

Jimminy Cricket Christ…I’m not sure I can hold out that long…before I GO COMPLETELY CRAZY… Please note I said “completely” crazy…I know who I am…

I WANT A BIG MAC!!!!  I WANT A QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE!!!!  TWO!!I WANT DOMINOS PIZZA…A LOT!!!! I WANT TAKE OUT FROM PERKINS, PANERA, BROADWAY PIZZA!!!!  I WANT TO VISIT THE WHITE CASTLE!!! I WANT IT ALL!!!!

OH!…but you say…you can do that right now!!!!

“THEY”  say it’s perfectly safe to eat food that absolutely complete strangers (but I’m sure wonderful people) cook/prepare and bag/box for you.  It’ll be just fine.  Don’t worry!”…(If you feel you must…you can wipe off the bag/box  with a Chlorox disinfectant wipe…)

Yeah??   Remember when… “THEY” also said we didn’t need to wear masks…cough, cough…

Have a nice day…

***BULLETIN***

  FULL DISCLOSURE…no real bulletin…

STILL 132.2...

However…I feel that in these wretchedly crap times…I must confess to anybody or everybody…that if I wake up one morning in the future….walk out to my kitchen…pull out the scale and weigh myself …which I do RELIGIOUSLY EVERY DAY…

…and discover that I have cracked the 130.0 mark on my scale…I will do one of two things:

ONE…

I will step off the scale, quietly walk over and open the curtains, pour myself  a cup of coffee, step back on the scale and weigh myself again because I will absolutely not believe that the scale  is telling me the truth…OR

TWO…

Ever so carefully put the scale back in the corner and THEN do a silent although wildly effusive HAPPY DANCE all the way down the hall to my bedroom where I will retrieve and subsequently eat one whole Hershey bar for breakfast.

Gee…I wonder what I will do…

Have a nice day…

Well…that was perhaps…

THE dumbest idea I have ever had!

 133.2!!!!!!!!!!

And trust me…I have had some righteously, colossal dumb ideas.

WAIT!  HOLD ON!  It appears that the dumb idea was so dumb it never made it into this blog.  Well.  I will correct that…tout suite.

PRESENTING TINA’S REALLY DUMB IDEA

Okay.  Here’s the deal  Now…because of the virus…when I order groceries online (as I now have to do because of the virus) … I can’t always get what I want…or NEED!

But…if you are one of those SUPER ‘addictive’ type people as am I…you have to figure out what you can buy to replace something you are SUPER addicted to in case that particular item is UNAVAILABLE!!!!!!!

Okay, Tina…settle down, settle down…

So.  My current addiction is Popsicles.  I have 2 or e after dinner (they…by the way…replaced my PREVIOUS addition of 2 or 3 cigarettes.)  I used to smoke them afteer dinner but no longer do because of a stroke…but that’s a story for another day…

So.  I spent literally hours trying to decide on a replacement addiction for my Popsicles in case they would not be available due to the virus.  I came up with a regular Hershey bar…pretty close in all the numbers I consider important.

SO.  I BOUGHT 60 BARS!!!

I figured I could have 1/2 bar every night after dinner and I would not be eating anymore calories than the 2 or 3 popsicles that I would normally have.

So…didn’t that sound like a great plan?  I thought so as well and I had to implement that plan last week when there were NO popsicles to be found at my store.

But guess what?  I am losing weight…only a couple of ounces so far…BUT STILL…OMG.  I could really be on to something here…which is why I am drinking a coke and eating potato chips as I write this.

Really…I am.

MUCH, MUCH LATER…

What the holy hell was I thinking?  Who can eat only one-half of a Hershey’s candy bar?  Who?

Was I completely out of my mind?  YES!  YES I WAS...!!!  I WAS 100% out of my mind.

To think that I could do that and then…wait for it…and then…when I was able to actually secure one box of my beloved popsicles…but have only ONE…because I AM A POPSICLE ADDICT and wanted to make that box of 36 last forever…

…decide to also have one half of a Hershey’s candy bar as well…because…because…I have no sound answer to that question.  Next question?

“Did you also have a piece of hot apple pie that you had baked solely for the enjoyment of your husband?

I do not believe I am going to answer that question either.

Have a nice day…

 

 

The world may be falling apart…

BUT…

The VERY FIRST news story I chose to read this morning was…”Tom Brady is not going to quarterback the New England Patriots any longer…”

WHERE ARE MY PRIORITIES???????

THIS is what happens when you get so giddy after losing some weight…after not losing some weight for so long…as in…NOW I WEIGH…drum roll please…………

130.1

Have a nice day…

“I had a dream…”

…and it was about BACON…and then…sadly… I woke up.

So…good morning!!!  I seldom write in the morning but this is a one-off because my dream was so vivid I had to share immediately…well, of course I had to have some coffee first…

My dream then segwayed into … why aren’t I eating bacon these days … and then my sleepy brain remembered…Ohhhhhhhh…… right….my stomach doesn’t always agree with my depraved desires…sigh…

However…I decided to throw caution to the wind, follow my dreams (lol) and move down that bacon path once again…and wondered (I am still in bed at this point…) if I could freeze bacon (more economical) since I had never done so in the past.  It was then I decided to get out of bed.  I had been given a mission and I had chosen to accept it.

YES YOU CAN!! And you can freeze bacon either raw or cooked and even though I have not moved into proper clothing I am soon going to do so…and then go to the store to buy,..

BACON!!!!

Don’t anyone wonder if I have a life…I do…mostly.

Have a nice day…

“BASICALLY…*#@* THE WORLD…”

And…you ALL know what I mean…right?

Here’s the deal:   Exiting an automated (my first mistake) parking ramp yesterday afternoon after taking my husband in for an MRI.

1,  Doing so at ‘quitting’ time for all hospital employees…(second mistake).

2,  There are “2” exit lines…one for EMPLOYEE CONTRACT PARKING and the other for us regular people…using cash or a credit card.

3,   ONE of those lines is not working…but NO ONE KNOWS WHICH ONE until they are at the “pay” booth.

4.   Lines get longer…lots of waiting…people upset…etc. etc.

5…BUT people allow the CONTRACT PARKING PEOPLE into the regular line…takes time but people are kind and decent…now…

6.   THEN it’s my turn and this 8″ solid, metal bar is preventing me (and EVERYONE ELSE)  from driving through without paying…IMPORTANT!!!!  REMEMBER THIS!!!!

7.   I am having some difficulty putting in the receipt…and PEOPLE START TO HONK AT ME!!!!!!  Not just one honk.  Many honks.  Many, many honks

8.   Do these people with an apparent IQ of less than 12 actually believe that honking their horn at me will ACTUALLY help me to figure out what to do?  OR do they perhaps  believe the vibration of their NOW LOUD horns will magically make the “8” solid, metal bar rise…without me paying?

9.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????????

10.  Obviously I made it through and one would think that I would weight less today… because…well…because yesterday I had a crummy day.

11.  But there is no justice on the “weight loss court” scale.  I had not lost once fucking ounce.  But at least I didn’t gain anything…in spite of the fact that I had McDonald’s for dinner last night…so HAH all you stupid horn-honking people.  I win.

P.S.  The ‘bunny avatar’ is completely unaware of how life works…but who cares…she has lots of chocolate.

Have a nice day…

Happy Valentine’s Day…

…to ME!!!

And before you start thinking…”Oh that’s pretty pathetic…selfish…nutso…let me explain.

Even though I am still at 132.2…RATS…and have not (yet) returned to the glory day of January 25, 2020 when I weighed in at 130.6…I AM ALSO NOT AT 141.4 which was my weight LAST February 14…

SO…now what do you think…pretty swell, huh?

I thought you might agree…and I hope you also agree that I deserve a treat…one full-size Hershey bar that has been living in my top drawer for months…waiting just for me.

Have a nice day…

“TRAPPED!!!!…”

So it just now occurred to me…that beginning October 1, 2020… if I wanted to “flee”somewhere…I could not.  And I’m talking FLEE!!

I would not be able to quickly get on a plane in Minnesota (or any other state in the USA for that matter) and just immediately…right now… “GO”.

Let’s just say that someone was chasing me…for whatever reason (not the police of course…let’s be very clear on that)…and I needed to get on an airplane and fly to Stockholm or Helsinki or Reykjavik or…or…Detroit.

I wouldn’t be able to do so.  I would be trapped!!

I would be standing at some ticket place and the ticket person would…ever so politely… say to me, “Can I see your real ID, please?”…and I would say…panicked, of course, because someone is chasing me (not the police, of course)…

“WHAT THE FUCK do you mean, REAL ID?” I would shout.

And I would drag out my driver’s license and credit card and wave them around in the air and start to breathe faster and faster…because of course I was panicking…

And the ticket person would send some kind of ‘eye’ signal to someone else and I would be asked to either leave or ‘come with them’.

I don’t know what would actually happen…since I have never flown anywhere…ever…so airport protocol is not  item #44 on my ”REMEMBER THIS” list.

I also have never felt the need to flee…but…NOW…if I want to flee…I can’t.

And this is when my quirky claustrophobia begins to kick in…

Normal claustrophobia means no elevators, no packed rooms with no visible red EXIT signs, no large gatherings out of doors with me somehow stuck in the middle and NO FLYING.  …or caves…yikes…

AND THIS IS THE QUIRKY PART of my claustrophobia…I also have to be able to move WHERE I want…WHEN…I want…which is why we can’t vacation on an island.  I can’t get there anyway…but still…if I could…think about it.  A person can only leave when the airline people…say you can.  So…choices…always choices.

I am choosing…TO FLY (somehow securing some really cool drugs) over not being able to flee…when I  want.

…where the hell do I get a Real ID anyway?

Two things:  You are 1.  Now beginning to understand me…or…2.  Now beginning to understand my insanity.

Have a nice day…

IT’S OVER…

I can’t believe it…my heart is breaking…it’s done.  I knew it was coming, but still…

It seems like only yesterday that everything was in front of me…a plan…a ritual…even dreams…

But now…IT’S OVER.

It started out so brilliantly…I was so full of hope and joy!

First came the crisp autumnal breezes blowing orange and red tinted leaves past  my window…and then…white flakes of snow fluttering down.

There was Domino’s Pizza every week!  And…dessert…with no regrets.

There wasn’t a day I didn’t think about you.  Some mornings I would wake early…so excited to be with you that day.

It was all part of the experience…and I loved it.  I’ve been down this road before.

I laughed.  I screamed.  Sometimes I was so still…I hardly breathed.  And yes…I even cried…once or twice…just a tear or two.

But even so…week after week…the joy was there… the promise…ALWAYS THERE!!!  ALWAYS!!

But now…GONE…GONE FOREVER…………………..well maybe not quite forever…

But at least until the 23rd of April……….NFL DRAFT DAY!!!!!!! 

(OF COURSE THERE IS THE NFL COMBINE ON FEBRUARY 23…BUT WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT THAT CRAP…)*

Have a nice day…

*Okay…I’ll probably listen to all the recaps on the radio…but that’s it.

“Put me in Coach, I’m ready to play!

I am sound asleep…dreaming ‘God knows what’ and at 8:00 a.m. my radio comes on to wake me.  Perfectly normal…so far.

My radio is tuned to a “Sports Talk Station”…because I love sports and I hate loud, jarring beeps.

However, I don’t always wake up right away…

Sometimes I am mysteriously drawn into whatever sports discussion they’re having…like last night…when my unconscious brain made some alterations to the conversation…

“Its a really close game…there are only 13 seconds left…the coach is looking down the bench…looking…looking…”

“ME!  ME!” I shout.  “PUT ME IN! I’M READY!  PUT ME IN, COACH!”

I RUN UP TO HIM.  I WAVE MY ARMS AT HIM AND EVEN TUG ON HIS SLEEVE but…

He doesn’t hear or see me in my green & white basketball uniform…frantically jumping up and down!!

Because, of course, I WAS DREAMING!!!

So I slowly struggled to wake up…but I was also trying to get back into that great dream…but I failed.

So then I wondered…what I would have done if he had turned to me and said, “Okay, Nelson.  Get your butt out there!”

Died…probably…

Have a nice day…

…132.2…

This number is for those of you who think that I have been just flitting around without a care in the world…discovering new recipes for chocolate chip cookies…and then…in the interest of science…testing those recipes.

And by testing…I mean…EATING THE RESULTS OF THOSE TESTS…

You would be 100% correct.  A+.  Go to the head of the class!  Have an extra cookie.

SCIENCE SUCKS…

Have a nice day…

WELL…

I obviously had time on my hands tonight…

…because today I re-arranged my whole day so I could spend a ZILLION hours on the phone with MY FAVORITE DRUG STORE…  WHY?  You ask politely.  Well…let me continue.

IF you need insulin to LIVE……………….AND……

You get a text saying “We are out of stock…don’t worry…we’ll get back to you…”

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR…

So…I thought that tonight I would do something really relaxing…like make my blog/post/site/whatever… prettier and smarter.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING…  (I wonder if there are any cookies left?)

Have a nice day…

I HAVE ALREADY EATEN 2 COOKIES…

…and I have only been up for an hour!!!!!!!!!!!…

Okay.  The first cookie was just to see if they were still soft and as wonderful as they were yesterday…and the day before…kind of like a ‘scientific experiment’.  Right?

THEY WERE!!!!  Okay, let me log that in my scientific journal…not.

The second cookie was…was…I have NO DAMN reason for eating the second cookie.

I have less than 10 months to lose 5 pounds and I am sliding down a slippery slope so fast I am dizzy.

I am completely out of control…using ‘old age’ as an excuse for ‘seizing the day’ (and by that I mean eating more cookies).  OMG  What’s next?????

Well, let me tell you…

NFL FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIX PLUS HOURS OF SITTING…PERHAPS SWEARING…PERHAPS GROANING…PERHAPS CHECKING TO SEE…

IF MY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE STILL SOFT???…

I AM SO SCREWED…

Have a nice day…

 

   CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES….

Hear me out…please…

I am so, so serious about this…I’m not even showing a cute photo…

Even though I PROMISED NOT TO SHARE RECIPES…I am breaking that promise tonight.

And I am doing so because this is the BEST chocolate chip cookie I have ever made…and I AM REALLY, REALLY OLD.

…and the reason they are the best (for me) is that they are soft and buttery and so flavorful…like Sweet Martha’s. (Minnesota State Fair reference which might not be applicable to all people…)  Only Better.

So.  Go to:  Very Best Baking by NESTLE  Then:  Go to ORIGINAL NESTLE TOLL HOUSE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Do not waiver from the recipe.  DO IT EXACTLY AS THEY SAY.  Actually when they said “beat” I used my electric hand mixer and continued right up until the end when it got too hard…but I have a really old mixer…I should get a stand mixer.

I used a really small (golf ball size) cookie scoop–no bigger.  Then I put them in the Cuisinart (non-convection) Toaster Oven (370 degrees) because I don’t use my regular oven…(THAT IS A HUGE STORY…but for a later date).  I only baked them for 4 minutes.

I removed them immediately from the sheet and transferred to a cooling rack so they would stop baking quicker.

Now…if you want a crispy cookie…I have just wasted your time and I am truly sorry.

Have a nice day…

I will be so mad if I die before I lose 5 MORE pounds…

St. Peter will not be pleased to see me…

Well, perhaps that is a little strong but SERIOUSLY…I realize that last November 2019 when I had failed to reach 125 lbs….which was my original goal from November 2018… losing 5 more pounds before November 2020 seemed like a  genuine, doable goal.

AND…don’t get me wrong…it is!!!!  I mean…losing 5 pounds in 12 months…pretty easy  stuff.

However, if you happen to reside in the +70 age range, the doability of that goal is a bit sketchy…in that I could “kick the bucket” (so to speak) at any moment.  I feel fine…thanks for asking.

(COMPUTER…DO NOT SPELL CHECK ME …DOABILITY IS A WORD…I DOUBLE  CHECKED…even though not used in most dictionaries…but still).

Every morning I get up and the numbers on the scale vary only an ounce or two up or down…but there doesn’t seem to be a downward trend.

Just a simple request…one tiny, little favor…

…and please understand that I am still very, very grateful that I know what time it is...ALL THE TIME…like now it is 10:09  p.m. CST.

Have a nice day…

Okay…here’s the deal…

Apparently I now have skinny wrists…YAY!!! 

Well, hold off on the applause and cheering because my brand new Swatch watch  keeps slipping to the outside of my wrist…and it is a real bitch to see what time it is without reaching over with my other hand and straightening it.

I wear my watch on my left wrist and DO NOT EVEN ASK BECAUSE I CANNOT WEAR A WATCH ON MY RIGHT WRIST.  Okay.  I feel better now.  And for all I know it would slip to the outside of my right wrist as well!

So.  I went on line and I FOUND A SOLUTION after only 45 minutes.  TIME WELL SPENT…pardon the pun.

So if you send me $5.00 in unmarked bills I will sha

Hey…I wouldn’t do that.  Here is the trick.  Reverse the band from one side of the watch to the other…if you can.  I have a Swatch so I can do that very easily.  IT’S AMAZING!!!

FYI…I am also telling you…I think I am getting sick of knowing what time it is every single second…like…right now it’s 10:46 p.m. CST.

P.S.  I couldn’t find a cute photo of a wrist watch so…this one had to do…

BYW…It’s now 11:01 p.m. CST

Have a nice day…

I’M JUST GOING TO DENY IT WAS ME…

You know…I found myself in a situation a few days ago that made me feel…sad, stupid and pathetic…

“OH NO!!!”

Yup.  And in the past, when things like this have happened, I have just ‘walked it around’ the block a few times and changed the scenario or ‘softened the experience’ or filed it away…and that has worked for me and probably for a million other people as well.

BUT NOW…I have decided to JUST DENY THAT IT WAS ME…

Yes, that is correct.  Because…”I” would not have chosen for that situation to have occurred.  I.  Would not have willingly put myself in a place where I knowingly would feel unhappy or upset.

I.  Am not stupid.  I.  Am not playing.

You can play…alone.

Have a nice day…

130.6…

AND…I may add…for a solid week…

GOOD BEGINNING TO THE NEW YEAR…RIGHT?

IF…that is what I want to achieve for the upcoming year…

I DON’T…                                                   

I’ll get back to you…

Have a nice day…

Merry Christmas!!!

Plus…other appropriate greetings to ALL those to whom Merry Christmas does not apply!!

Well…now that I have all that covered…I can share what’s going on with me…with my weight loss goal of losing 5 pounds before next November 1…that is…November 2010.

Since I was 5 pounds short THIS November 1…I gave myself a new goal.

I have gained one whole pound…NOT LOST…gained.  It must have been the “food poisoning/bad deli food/bad…something that caused my body to NOT lose…even though I was not eating a whole lot for about 3 weeks.

Okay.  I did consume:  Sprite, jello (which we all know is pure sugar in a jiggly form), pretzels, crackers…did I mention Sprite?  I believe I am addicted to Sprite now.  Oh, sigh.

Anyway…I hope everyone who is trying to lose weight this year (and next) will not be too hard on themselves during the holidays…whatever your holiday may be.

One is okay.  Ten is pushing it.  Enjoy life for Pete’s sake.

I tripped over a picture frame last week (such a long, boring story) and as I was trying to “catch myself” as one does…I was thinking…really…well this is  going to hurt like hell.

It did.  But the fear of not being able to get up…moved me to immediately get up.  A little blood on the kneecap and SORE body for a few days…was the aftermath of the fall.

So see?  Life happens and if…unlike me…you hit your head and die…you are going to be SO SORRY that you didn’t have that one piece of homemade fudge.  Really.

Have a nice day…

I have no clue…

Well…I’m still at 130.4…even though I had a stomach bug and didn’t eat for a day and a half…there was NO loss.

IKR!!!!!!

And…like any normal person…when I could eat I ate a lot.  Sorry.  Sad Truth.

NOT crap.  Good food…mostly…

Also… just in casual passing…I have a teensy, weensy secret to share.

Yes…there are 2.  And yes…it does appear that they are kind of hidden in my bureau drawer…because…they are.

I don’t know what came over me!!!!

It was like I was possessed!!  It’s really the fault of the woman who was ahead of me in line at the grocery store.  She was moving forward and then she stopped to reach back and grab a Hershey bar.

Well.  What could I do?

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Don’t tell.

NEW WEIGHT:  130.4…don’t holler at me!!!!!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…visualize the statue of “The Thinker”.

I think…when I notified my brain that I had another year to lose the 5 pounds I was not able to lose this past year and thereby reach my goal…my body slowed down.

My brain was probably thinking something like…”Hey, cool! What’s the hurry?…no worries, I have ALL YEAR.”

I also pondered this:  “If I continue eating and doing everything the same as I am doing right now…will I eventually weigh 100 pounds!!! …before I die, that is…?”

Pondering is always a bad idea…I think my body went into ‘survival’ mode…thinking…”Yeah, whatever floats your boat, honey.  Now I’m hanging on to whatever you’ve got…”

Have a nice day…

…BULLETIN…

…Because I KNOW that my weight is the the MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life…right?

Right?????

Okay, maybe not.  I can see that.  I’ll be brief.  After one solid week of not weighing myself in honor of HALLOWEEN*, today I ran…well not really ran…at my age running is not  something I will ever do again.  So I more or less sauntered sleepily out to the scale area (kitchen) and…weighed myself.

TA DA!!!!!129.4…No CHANGE!!!!!

  • which in my world meant I could eat one tiny candy bar every other day for 7 days…which I did!!!  I also made sure I walked those days and had one less popsicle half after dinner…but hey…CHOCOLATE!!!!

Have a nice day…

“I see you…”

“I’m not blind, you know.”

“Don’t think for one moment that I don’t see you…sitting there…all propped up and cute-like in your little silver and brown wrapper…tempting me…enticing me…

“You may not be aware…but there is a little dust on you…just a little…but it’s there.

“And I know what you’re thinking…’Just reach over and rip off my wrapper…break off one little piece of me at a time, let it melt ever so slowly on your tongue…'”

“NO!!!!!!!!” SAY I…

“I am not weak!!!!!  I am strong!!!!!    I am kind of strong…I am kind of a little strong…”

And I get up, turn out the desk light…turn the desk light back on… because the room was completely dark and I couldn’t see shit…walk over to another lamp and turn that one on and  then return to turn off the desk light again even though it was highlighting all your goodness and glory and wonderfulness…OH FOR FUCK’S  SAKE!!!

Have a nice day…

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...

NOVEMBER 1 IS ALMOST HERE…

AND…I have not yet reached my goal weight of 125 pounds….which I set last October.  I HAVE lost 18 pounds, 4 ounces…which is great!!!!!…but still…

Let’s just round numbers off and say I currently weigh 129  and thus (:)) need to lose 4 more pounds to be successful…

Well.  I do not anticipate that happening…although miracles do happen.  HAH!!

So.  Here is my new plan.  Today is October 20, 2019 and my new goal (in life) is to lose 4 pounds by November 2020.

Good plan, huh?  I thought so too.

I don’t know what it is…sometimes these fantastic  ideas just come to me like a lightning bolt shot out of the sky.  Oh.  My.

Have a nice day…

24 DAYS…

but who’s counting.

Me.  I have less than a month to go and my goal of 125 by Nov. 1 looms.  I like that word.  LOOMS.  Current weight:  129.4 and apparently holding forever…

Let’s go back 56 years…yes…I am 20 years old…sigh.  That was a splendid year…if only I could tell more people.   You know….there are things and events you can just never share…sweet memories and such…

But I digress.  Summer 1963.  I was 20 and I weighed 99 pounds.

And because of my extraordinary skills (okay, no one else would do it), I was the catcher for a fast pitch softball team.  Read 70 mph…yup.

It was a hot July night in old Bloomington, Minnesota and we were playing a really tough, championship team from the mean streets of Minneapolis.

I was taking a few warm-ups from my pitcher who…incidentally…had a smoking  fast ball that would drop a little just before the plate.  Have I set the picture?

Let continue…I flipped up my catcher’s mask (I thought I was so cool) to quickly take a drag off my ‘lit’ Marlboro cigarette…which was conveniently nestled in the sand right next to me…hey…this was 55 years ago.  Don’t judge me.

I looked down to pick up the Marlboro and just as I looked up to take a drag…my obviously non-aware pitcher threw a sizzling, fast ball, hitting my unprotected face, sending me backwards about a foot…no really…a whole 12 inches.

Not only did the lit cigarette cause a burn on my cheek, I couldn’t chew real food for about 3 weeks.  I wasn’t wired shut…it was just too painful to do anything but drink fluids or very mushy foods.

There is no moral to this telling…just background to the fact that…I lost 5 pounds in less than a month.

Anyone looking for a 75 year old catcher?

Have a nice day…

Still a boring 129.4...

As the weekend stretches out before me and I contemplate which day I should visit Dairy Queen (and I am visiting Dairy Queen because…well…it’s there…) to enjoy a small, chocolate sundae…this random thought raced through my brain…

How many of us…who are trying to lose a few unwanted pounds (BTW…are there any ‘wanted‘ pounds?)…have sat in a doctor’s office for our annual exam, filling out those stupid forms…and have come to this question…

“Have you had any unexplained weight loss in the past 6 months?”

And you thought…with perhaps a small smirk on your face…or maybe even said out loud…very quietly to no one in particular…”I wish.”

Have a nice day…

Still rocking 129.4…!!!

and I had a thought today…

Let’s just say I was walking down the street and someone (a man) would come up to me and say, “Hey, good looking…what’s your favorite season of the year?”

Okay…the whole “hey, good looking” thing probably wouldn’t happen…but the question of favorite season just might…so…I’ll continue…

“Hey, good looking…: (You didn’t think I was going to let that go, did you?)…tell me your favorite season.”

AND…I would say…

“Well, thank you for asking, kind sir.  As you are aware…I live in Minnesota.  It is September 15 and I was just told the weather forecast for tomorrow has a “heat alert watch” wrapped around it…I almost threw up.”

“I just watched my Vikings football team  lose to Green Bay today.   I don’t want to think about having heat stroke in the middle of September!”

“I want to think of crisp mornings, chilly nights and brisk walks…wearing the new clothes I have recently purchased because I have lost so much weight!!! AND…I don’t want to sweat anymore. ”

Answer to the question:  It isn’t summer.

Have a nice day…

NO “bleeping” CHANGE

STILL 130.4

I could have said NO fucking CHANGE…but I thought I would refrain from bold, blue  obscenities.

Here’s the deal:  IF I HAVE TO START JOGGING AT AGE 75…THE WORLD IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!  And I am not even kidding.

OK?  Just saying.  I am warning you world.  I don’t like the concept of jogging.  I have NEVER liked the concept of jogging.   I probably don’t even know HOW to jog…is it like running?  Only slower?  See…don’t know, care less.

Today is September 9, 2019 and my goal is to weigh 125 pounds by … what did I say????… end of October???  Okay.  It was November 1.  Grrrrrr…….

Tomorrow I walk A LITTLE MORE…That’s the best I can do…right now.

Have a nice day…

P.S.  I am basically a calm, happy person…

STILL…130.4

I honestly feel like Dorian…spinning in place…IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!!!!!  And the stupid scale does not change one little bit…very depressing.

So….to lift my spirits…I decided to ‘again’ use the tried and true cure for simple depression that my mother taught me decades ago when she said…

“Let’s color your hair platinum, Tina!!”

And I did.

Have a nice day…      🙂

****129.8**** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IKR…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So…here’s the deal.  I cut my hair.

I figured “how hard could it be?”

I figured “just a little snip here…and…there…”

It’s the only explanation I can offer…since yesterday I took a hour and a half nap, did not walk because the dew point was…like 150…and I had an extra half popsicle because it was Monday.

Truth in Telling:  My avatar is slightly exaggerated…

Have a nice day…

“Hey! “

“Let’s hear it for ‘Bloodletting’!!!”

Here’s the deal…yesterday I had to go to the lab for…you know…lab work…which involved removing some blood from my precious body.

I DO NOT LIKE THIS ONE BIT…but you ‘gotta do what you gotta do’…so I went…head down…feet dragging…just like any respectable 3-year-old would do.

Then I did a couple of errands and decided to treat myself to 2 White Castle hamburgers…known to aficionados as ‘sliders’…and a small REGULAR coke.

I did a few more errands and was still feeling the need to treat myself…so I went to Dairy Queen and had a small chocolate sundae.  Oh…so good!!!

I was really tired after all those errands…so when I got home I took a nap and then when I got up I did not feel like cooking so I had Domino’s famous pan pizza delivered…yummy!

Two popsicles for dessert…a few crackers at bedtime and I was done eating for the day…all the while completely understanding that perhaps there would be a slight rise…an ounce or two…in my morning weight….right?  Right.

NOT SO…my friend!!!  It was still 130.4!!!  ikr.

I wonder if those 14th century doctors and their “bloodletting” techniques as a cure for…anything & everything…were on to something…HAH!… just kidding…and apparently you can’t…on your own…order up miscellaneous blood draws…who knew?

Okay.  Okay…really just kidding on that.

Have a nice day…

…sigh…

No Change.

HOWEVER…every time I jump on the scale…I see the 130.8 & and then it settles on 131.0.  I cut 3″ off my hair yesterday so I was REALLYHOPEFULLY…expecting good news!!!!  Oh well…there’s always tomorrow…of course, until there isn’t!  HAH!!!

Have a nice day…

     Sigh…..

Bad news.  Good news.

Bad News:  It wasn’t the batteries…I still weigh (and apparently very correctly) 131.6.

Good News: I now have some spare batteries and…really…who couldn’t use some spare batteries, right?

Have a nice day…

Grrrrrrrrrr……

1.     Apparently…I have pissed off someone in the Universe who has some kind of control over me…

2.     BECAUSE…I am still at 131.6…even though…

3.     As the “starting to REALLY annoy me” title of this “I just ate less…” post states…I AM EATING LESS, DAMMIT!!!! and there is no change…zip…zero…nada…nothing.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.     It has to be the batteries in the scale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I better have new batteries, dammit.  TTYS.

Have a nice day…

FINALLY…131.6!!!!!!!!

I guess it pays to not eat at all for 2 days…JUST KIDDING!!!!!  Last night, I had the best homemade roast beef with au jus…aka fat…on top and mashed potatoes  with brown gravy for dinner.  Also asparagus slathered (love that word) in butter and one half can of 3.2 beer.  Three half popsicles for dessert and 4 buttery crackers as my bedtime snack.  And yes…I did have lunch.

And no…I didn’t exercise yesterday…I had to go shopping:) …. To buy a pair of jeans…one size smaller!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!

Patience pays…

Have a nice day…

132.2 and holding…

I could swear the scale flirted with 130.8 this morning…

So I ran up and down the halls for 10 minutes to see if I could get the number down…yeah…right.  THAT’S never going to happen…:)

Have a nice day…

I TOLD YOU SO…132.8 pounds!!!!

Actually that was yesterday… (and today) but I bought a new laptop and they were transferring data…yada, yada, yada …So I was unable to connect with the world…BUT…there it is…on the downward trend again.

Have a nice day  week-end!

W.   T.   F.   ???

133.6 POUNDS!!!!

Shocking trip to the scale this morning…and I couldn’t figure it out…

…until I realized that for the past 2 days I have been shopping for a new computer…

And…that’s it, folks.  That’s all she wrote…

Stress…it affects every single thing we do…right?  Right!

So,,,now I’m going to go out and run 2 miles…HAH!!!  In my dreams…

Have a nice day…

“NOT A REAL BULLETIN…”

Just a Message…

So…another day of … 132.8…  That’s the deal with this process…days will go by and the weight stays the same…but I feel that soon I will be moving down again.

I know that 130 pounds is out there…calling to me like distant Sirens…hopefully not to a watery doom…  I’ll keep you informed.

Have a nice day…

Here we go…the “bottom line…”

  • Buy a scale that shows not just pounds but ounces as well…as in 125.2 or 125.6.  Mine cost about $35.00…Amazon, of course.
  • This process is a very slow BUT steady one…and you will be thrilled when your weight shifts from .8 to .4…trust me on this…thrilled.
  • In the seven and a half months that I have been doing this, my weight has only increased a couple of times and that was only an ounce or two…not pounds.  99.9% of the time my weight has either decreased or stayed the same.
  • There have been days when I would weigh myself and it would be the same as it had been for the last 7 or 8 days…and then BOOM…down it would go…and stay there…until it went down again.
  • Don’t think for one second that this is not working.  If your weight stays the same…just wait…don’t get nutso and eat a whole blueberry pie heated in the microwave and topped with vanilla bean ice cream out of frustration.  (I think I’m hungry…)
  • Weigh yourself everyday at the same time.  I recommend in the morning right after you get up…go to the bathroom first.
  • And…then record your weight.  Do this every day.  You can also write down anything different or unusual…anything that might help you to understand what you are eating and what you are doing and why you have lost 6 more ounces.
  • I always do a little “happy dance” when the scale goes down…every single time.
  • This will take a long time.  BUT every pound/ounce you lose will be gone forever.
  • THIS WILL WORK!!!
  • After I had lost 4 pounds, I took a four pound bag of sugar and put it on the counter.  Then I picked it up a few times.  It was heavy!  That was the weight I was no longer carrying.  I did the same thing when I had lost 8 pounds…do you know how heavy two 4 pound bags of sugar are?  HEAVY!!!
  • I didn’t do 3 bags of sugar (or 12 pounds).  That was too much for me to pick up.  Exactly.
  • Remember…it took you a long time to gain those unwanted pounds…it will take a long time to lose them…especially if you are an “oldie” like me.
  • BE PATIENT!!!  Don’t give up…it will take your body a few days to adjust to your new changes…but it will adjust and you will start to lose weight.

    The  little more …

Last fall when I weighed 147.8 pounds, I knew I would reach 150 pounds during the winter if I didn’t do something.

I read weight-loss articles, did research on the different programs, ate some horrible diet food, seriously wondered about those diet pills and other junk out there that promised “QUICK WEIGHT LOSS” and knew I would have to figure out something on my own.

So what you have just read is what I came up with…and obviously, I am not done…I still have a way to go.  I should weight 125 pounds by November 1…this year.  I will let you know.

BUT…I feel that this is really a good plan for women over 60…but, of course, for anyone as well.

Most of us have worked really hard all of our lives and we shouldn’t have to go through this whole “weight gain/belly fat” bullshit.

We shouldn’t have to deny ourselves good food…or hot dogs…

(When I say “good” I don’t mean “healthy”…I mean…a cheeseburger with fried onions from Five Guys…and a small order of fries, please…to go…

We shouldn’t have to pay money to have other people tell us what to do at some club or weight-loss clinic…and maybe make us feel bad.

We shouldn’t have to start “running” or do “resistance training” or do “hot Yoga” (what is that anyway?) at age 60 or older…unless of course you’re partial to doing so…

In Minnesota, we have about 3 days when the weather is perfect for walking outside…so I have to gear up in the winter.  I know I look like some 14th century Swedish field worker when I walk outside and the temperature is only 10 degrees…but hey…it’s who I am.  Plus…everyone smiles at me.  I know…I know.

When the weather is really awful…too hot, too cold, too icy, too rainy, too sleety…I just slap on my headphones and walk the hallways of my apartment building…up and down…up and down.  This is really relaxing until people try to stop you to chat.  Then I smile and point to my headphones and mouth, “I’m on the phone…” and just keep going…works every time.

If you live in Minnesota and own a home with no hallways…I recommend buying a treadmill.  I had one when we owned a home and you can accomplish the same results as I do by walking the halls.  There are some really inexpensive ones out there…I know…I bought one for my daughter who was into “training for something” when she was fifteen.

We shouldn’t have to be punished because we ate a few too many cheese burgers or doughnuts a few years ago.  there should be a friendlier, more gentle way to lose those extra pounds and I believe my way will do the trick for most women…well, for everyone, really.

I have always loved food.  I love to cook and I love to eat.  I know that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life (such as it is) passing on delicacies such as chocolate cake with fudge frosting or…say…lutefisk, swimming in butter…I did mention I was of Swedish ancestry, didn’t I?

I hope you give my way of losing a few pounds a shot.  I truly believe it will work.  It did for me and I am nothing special…trust me.

Thanks for reading.  Now go have half of a chocolate chip cookie…and begin.

And, good luck!!

It really is amazing how quickly you can amass over 5,000 steps in a single day…which is my goal…not always achieved…but nevertheless…my goal.

  • As I have said, I am 75 and recently bought one of those walkers with all the bells and whistles.  I use this when I go walking distances or if I am going to walk for more than 30 minutes or if I am going to walk to the grocery store.  
  • I especially like the seat feature in that I can always find shade in the summer and warm sun in the winter.  The little basket is a great place to put small purchases and toss in water, a sandwich your cell, etc.
  • I always walk down to the lobby to get the mail and packages.
  • I sometimes just walk down to the lobby…for no reason…not even the reason that “it is good for me”.  Hmmm…I think there’s a story there…
  • When I shop at a large grocery store, I always take a cart even if I am not buying a lot of items because I feel more comfortable…and then I can also walk down a couple of extra aisles…browsing as I go.
  • I always park a small distance away from the store entrance when I am out shopping.  Those few extra steps really make a difference.
  • I am not trying to impress anyone with my walking…distance matters nothing to me other than the simple calculation of how far I have walked on a particular day.  I never talk about my walking…or ‘not walking’ for that matter.
  • We live on the ground floor and I always walk up the stairs from our parking spot in the underground garage after I have been out.
  • If I have a couple of light bags, I will carry them up with me.  Skinny husband will bring up the heavier bags with a grocery cart and use the elevator.
  • I take naps 2 or 3 times a week.  I have lunch in bed, read my  book and then sleep for an hour or so.  Pure pleasure.
  • I never do Yoga nor will I.  Too old…no matter what they say…75 is 75.  Walking is the best.  I did Tai Chi for a year a long time ago…but that was enough.
  • I got a Fitbit for my husband but I use it mostly and I average about 5,000 steps a day.  I have done 11,000 on some days and I have also done 700.  It’s no big deal.  It’s like a watch that does a little bit more…there for my convenience to see what’s up.
  • I DO NO FORMAL EXERCISING!  Don’t even ask if I swim…
  • But I am very active and I can feel it if I have sat too long…maybe pouring over the morning newspaper…and it feels crummy.  That old adage, “Use it or lose it” really does apply to us oldies…and to everyone…actually.

Nike says, “Just do it.”  I say…”Just move it…”  It’s the best thing anyone can do at any age.

A note before I begin: 

 I’ve been poking around “weight-loss” and “dieting” blogs and I found out that a lot of people suggest that “just eating less” won’t do it…you have to do a lot of other stuff to lose weight…plus you are going to be hungry and not feel satisfied.  Here is what I say:  Do you want to lose weight or not?  Okay, I’m done.

  • I love to cook, so I wasn’t going to stop cooking my fantastic food and buy crap  “diet food”.  So…I just put a little less of everything on my plate…every single night…except when I made pizza…or we had pizza delivered.  For every rule there should be one exception and this is the one I’m making.  I think this equals god mental health…I think.  I also think I really love pizza.
  • I love sugar with my coffee…so I just put a little less in my cup.
  • When my beloved furry friend, LuLu the Cat, died in 2015…I started to have a whole Hershey bar…every night after dinner for dessert.  I stopped doing that.
  • I have 1/2 to 1 whole can of 3.2 beer with my dinner every night.  (NOT Lite.)
  • I stopped making popcorn with butter every night.  Now I have it once a week. At first it was really hard but then I discovered popsicles!  I have 2 (halves) after dinner every night.
  • I really look at my plate when I am putting food on it.  I mean…really look at it.  I now know exactly when I should stop ladling the gravy over my mashed potatoes…about 2 ladles does it.
  • If we are eating a food that has pieces…like French toast for example…skinny husband will get 10 little squares…and I will get 6…plus butter, of course and maple syrup.
  • I still bake cookies and cakes and buy all sorts of delicious baked goods because my husband weighs 122 pounds…yes, that is exactly right…
  • Occasionally, if I want…I will take a bite out of whatever I am giving him…and then get a popsicle out of the freezer.
  • Christmas was hard this past year.  But instead of eating 3 or 4 warm cookies right out of the oven…I had a half of a cookie.  I had lost almost 3 pounds by then and I didn’t want to screw up…I knew I was on to something.
  • I kept thinking of that children’s book, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.”  I felt like, “If You Give Tina Half Of A Cookie…she’ll be happy!”  And I was.
  • I still go to Dairy Queen once a week and get a small chocolate sundae.
  • I try to get to White Castle once a week where I order 2 sliders and a small REGULAR Coke…or McDonalds for a Filet-O-Fish sandwich and a small REGULAR Coke.
  • That Coke is the only pop/soda I drink all week.
  • I have never drank diet pop/soda…I tasted it once…
  • I cook with butter.  I cook with whole milk.  I love meat…red, lovely meat.  AND I LOVE GRAVY…as previously mentioned.  I like chicken too…in case you wondered…with barbecue sauce or gravy, of course.
  • I never eat anything labeled “lite” “diet” “fat-free” or my favorite…”tastes awful but it only has 3 calories”…kidding on the last one.
  • I love potatoes in any form.
  • I seldom eat breakfast.  I just have coffee with sugar, no cream
  • But…I almost always have a good lunch.  Sandwiches made with ONE slice of white bread…tuna, chicken, ham, egg salad or peanut butter. I always use Mayo.  I love Mayo…full strength…not lite.  There is always cheese on my lunch plate because I love cheese.  Grapes and strawberries are also there.  And then I add 3 crackers.  My current favorites are Breton Originals…and Better Cheddars.
  • If I do feel like breakfast, I will have a small can of tomato juice or an egg fried in butter.
  • We do not eat out a lot but when we do…I just leave food on my plate if the portion is too large.
  • IMPORTANT!  Do not go to bed hungry!  Every night I read before I go to sleep so I have 3 or 4 crackers and 5 potato chips…and 3 LUDEN’S  cough drops.
  • Odd little observation:  Before I began this bedtime snack ritual, I used to have a little acid reflux.  It was really bothersome.  But now I never have it…go figure.
  • I NEVER deny myself anything because with this plan…I don’t have to.  Except excess…I deny myself excess…that’s fair to say.
  • I eat everything and anything…I just eat less.

So…that’s the “eating” part of my weight-loss process.

I know it is pretty simple but it really worked and obviously is still working since I just lost more weight yesterday!

P.S.  I am never hungry (except before dinner and, really, who isn’t) and I am so very satisfied…

The “Walk A Little Every Day” part  comes tomorrow.

 BULLETIN:  Weight today #133.6..”Woo-hoo”!!!

  • The metabolic rate is much slower when you pass 55 or 60…even slower in your 70’s.
  • After menopause, God is basically done with you and you will gain 5 pounds just by looking at a chocolate cake with buttercream frosting.  No.  Don’t argue with me.  It’s true.
  • If you smoke (like I did) the pounds will appear after you quit, but it’s still worth quitting.
  • Retirement means less structured work.  You have more time now for socializing…more opportunities for eating out…perhaps even having extra glasses of wine…or chocolate malts.
  • Living the good, retired life; sleeping late and lovely naps in the afternoon…all can equal weight gain…but so slowly…you hardy notice…until you do!
  • If you should move from a house to an apartment…there is generally less work to do.  And that means less routine burning of calories just by maintaining a certain “house-owning” lifestyle…like gardening, mowing, snow, leaf and twig removal…you know the drill if you have ever owned a house.
  • Question:  Do you really want to pay money to stop eating the foods you love and eat special food that tastes like crap?  Really?
  • Question:  Do you really want to help the U.S.  $68.2  (update)…$70.3  (NEW update…) $72 BILLION  weight-loss market increase their net worth?  Really?
  • Question:  Do you really want to take some probably unsafe/useless, non-FDA approved drug so you can lose 50 pounds in one week? (I’m exaggerating a little here..)  Really?
  • Do you really want to exercise a LOT and even sweat?  Do you really want to lift weights…and…you know…sweat?  Do you really want to pull on those resistance bands until one day you accidentally let go of one end and it snaps your eye out?  Really?
  • Do you want to pay good money (is there bad money??) to a fitness center to have some weight-loss/fitness expert who is probably 12…just kidding…give you a look…when you tell her you gained a pound or eaten half of a doughnut  that morning?  Really?

Yup…I totally agree and am impressed with everything I just said…SO, HERE IS WHAT I DID.

To find out, send $25.00 in unmarked bills to…

HAH!!!! GOTCHA!!!  I’m just kidding….

The Eating Part…Post #4 of “I just ate less…” comes tomorrow!!!!!

  • I am 5’3″ tall and as previously stated…I am 75.
  • I have never been overweight until now.
  • I have mostly weighed around 110-115 pounds…less in my teens and early twenties.
  • I have never dieted.
  • I have one child.
  • I am Caucasian and of Swedish descent.
  • I am in good health for being 75…whatever that means…
  • I am not Type 2 diabetic.  (Although it appears that most of the world is…)
  • WEIGHT LAST OCT. 2018:  147.8 (And yes…I had a big belly…sigh…)
  • CURRENT WEIGHT:  134.2 as of June 7, 2019
  • NOTE:  LOSS OF 13.6 POUNDS…YAY, ME!!!!  ALSO THERE IS BELLY SHRINKAGE.
  • GOAL:  To weigh 125 pounds by November 1, 2019
  • PROCESS:  Lose 1/2 pound per week or 2 pounds per month.  (Did not seem like a big deal, right?  HAH!!!  I was so wrong.)

In the very beginning, I couldn’t lose any weight at all…WE ARE TALKING ZERO POUNDS.

I even skipped meals.  Not a good idea…ever…okay…once in while we all do it.

I spent over a month trying to figure out what I was doing wrong because it was painfully obvious I was doing absolutely nothing right…when I gained 2 pounds!

And, of course, having a metabolism of dry paint (which is what you have when you reach age 75) doesn’t help.

Plus…when I was skipping breakfast and lunch in a wild attempt to lose SOMETHING…ANYTHING…my body thought I was stranded on a desert (not dessert) island and in danger of starving to death…so it decided to store my fat.  Thanks a lot, body.

I tried counting calories.   I used the “Lose It” app.  It was fine and good but I really did have better things to do with my dwindling years.

Plus…everyone knows 10 barbecued chicken wings have more calories than one stalk of celery…UNLESS you dip the celery in lard.

I clearly had no idea what I was doing…but I wasn’t giving up.  There had to be a way…and there was…BUT it wasn’t easy.

It was just plain simple.

P.S.  I’ve looked at other weight-loss blogs and they have very pretty pictures and really great recipes.  I apologize in advance (in case you hadn’t already noticed)…there are no pics and no recipes.  (But I did put this notice in green…so there’s that.)

 

This whole series of posts (and I believe there are only six) are generally for older women (over 60) who want to lose less than 50 pounds.  I imagine it would apply to all women…but if you are younger, you can try it also.  It will just work quicker…

This is NOT a guide to eating healthy or a guide to “healthful eating/living”.

This is simply how I have lost almost 14 pounds in 6 months (beginning last October) and am still on track to lose 11 more pounds by November.

So, if you need to lose 100 pounds or if you are looking for emotional guidance as you lose weight or if you believe you can actually lose 15 pounds in 2 weeks…STOP READING!!

For everyone else…Let’s Go!!!!

One day last month (May) I was chatting with my 46-year-old daughter.  I am 75 going on…

I mentioned to her that I had lost 13.5 pounds since last October.

She actually stopped what she was doing…she was eating a piece of her excellent homemade cinnamon roll…and looked at me.

I was really surprised because she normally doesn’t pay much attention to anything I say…you know how busy these young people are…

“How did you do that?” she asked me…in a TRULY interested voice.

And…she really wanted to know…

“Well,” I answered slowly, “I just ate less…”

“And I tried to walk a little every day.”

“Huh.”   She said thoughtfully…and I was so encouraged by this outburst of interest and excitement that I thought that maybe I should share my weight-loss process with others.

My goal here is to tell you what happened to me and I don’t see why it can’t happen to you.

My blog is mainly for publishing my short stories…not for giving out weight-loss advice…but this is really good stuff…so I hope it works for you (it will)…and you can also search around and read some of my short stories if you wish.

So, as my delightful 11-year-old granddaughter said recently before giving a very impressive speech to a large group of people, “Let’s just dive right in and get started.”