Gaining one pound a year doesn’t sound like a big deal until 25 years go by…my amusing and precarious journey of weight loss.

This has nothing to do with weight loss...
or…diets…

HOWEVER…I believe this does have a lot to do with joy.

I just came up with a fantastic way to deal with crank calls…NOT…robocalls because they are done by robots who have no brains or souls.

No…you want a real person on the other end of a call that just made you forget how many damn teaspoons of oregano you should put in your homemade spaghetti sauce…which you would have remembered even though you had to walk from your computer which was in the bedroom to the kitchen where the saucepot was waiting…if you had not been side-tracked by a “crank” call from some idiot wanting to sell you car insurance…

(And YES…I do know that these tele-marketing people have to work too…and that sometimes their jobs do not pay very well and the workplace conditions can be wretched…but nonetheless.)

Here is my idea:  PHONE RINGS.  YOU ANSWER.  THEY SAY SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF “HOW ARE YOU TODAY, MRS. SMITH?”  because they are always very polite…which is nice.

And then…BOOM…you say all thoughtful-like… “Well actually, I just started writing my obituary for the local newspaper.”

Is that perfect or what?  What can they do but hang-up, right? (And by doing so, break every tele-marketing rule known to mankind.)

I mean…what are they going to say…”Do you have a couple of minutes? ”  or  ” I’ve noticed that the date has passed on your subscription to “TV Guide”.  Would you like to renew at a ridiculously low price?”  or   “We have some really good packages being offered now in our Book Now, Travel Later plans. ”

I think not…

I should be paid for having ideas like this…

Have a nice day…

“a grand and glorious good morning to all!”

Today…actually this morning…which is about 10:30 a.m. where I live…I am just finishing up my soon-to-be-everyday breakfast!  

Yup…you heard right.  I am no longer starving myself into a semi-unconscious zone until lunch time…or longer…if the fates allowed.  Very bad…I know…but I wasn’t actually hungry so…oh forget all that…it’s not the new me.

THIS IS THE NEW ME!!!!!:  2 green grapes, 1/2 banana, 1 slice white bread, 1 1/2 Tablespoons butter (unsalted), 1/2 ounce smoky (I love anything smoky.) cheddar cheese, 3 Tablespoons of sugar with my coffee and one chocolate chip cookie (homemade).

And THEN…I am going down to the swimming pool and swim 25 laps…

HAH!!!…That’s never happening:)   I even hate to take showers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I think at some point in my life I may have come close to “dying by water”…or as some people say…drowning…but that implies a lack of parental control which would cast aspersions on my beloved now dead mother and that simply would not be the case.

I was a strangely yet lovingly micro-managed child.

Have a nice day…

“What did you do?”

Remember when you were a kid and you went to the front door to pay the pizza delivery guy and then there was this horrible crash that sounded like a plane had hit the house but was instead the pizza delivery guy’s car barreling into our closed  garage door  because he had forgotten to secure the parking brake on his car correctly…yet you mother comes running out of the kitchen and shouts at you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when you were fifteen and you somehow got a date with the drop-dead, good-looking captain of the football team who (erroneously) was led to believe that you would be “a lot of fun” on the first date…and then when he never called you again because you were not…your best friend asked you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when the 200-year-old water heater sprung a leak and your husband (who is a complete idiot anyway) came up the stairs, looked at you cooking yet again another  fabulous dinner because he NEVER likes to eat out…told you about it and then said…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Andfinally…when you watched the Super Bowl and your beloved team and  quarterback were getting crushed from almost the very first snap…instead of pushing excessive amounts of comfort food into your mouth (which is what you wanted to do) you just pulled up a cozy, fleece blanket and went to sleep for about a half hour…only to discover upon waking… that things had gotten infinitely worse instead of better…but being a true fan you sat and watched it to the bitter end…ever hopeful for the miracle…that never came.

So…you just got up and walked forlornly out into the kitchen and fixed dinner and did NOT EAT extra food or more than one piece of white cake with chocolate/fudge frosting that you had made “special for the game” yesterday…

Yet…when I weighed myself this next morning… the scale showed #140!!!

And…of course… the very first thought that came into my little pea-sized brain was…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?????”

Nothing.  I did nothing wrong.  Sometimes life just sucks.

(At least I didn’t bet $125 on the over…)

Have a nice day…