“What did I just say?”

This has nothing to do with weight loss...
or…diets…

HOWEVER…I believe this does have a lot to do with joy.

I just came up with a fantastic way to deal with crank calls…NOT…robocalls because they are done by robots who have no brains or souls.

No…you want a real person on the other end of a call that just made you forget how many damn teaspoons of oregano you should put in your homemade spaghetti sauce…which you would have remembered even though you had to walk from your computer which was in the bedroom to the kitchen where the saucepot was waiting…if you had not been side-tracked by a “crank” call from some idiot wanting to sell you car insurance…

(And YES…I do know that these tele-marketing people have to work too…and that sometimes their jobs do not pay very well and the workplace conditions can be wretched…but nonetheless.)

Here is my idea:  PHONE RINGS.  YOU ANSWER.  THEY SAY SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF “HOW ARE YOU TODAY, MRS. SMITH?”  because they are always very polite…which is nice.

And then…BOOM…you say all thoughtful-like… “Well actually, I just started writing my obituary for the local newspaper.”

Is that perfect or what?  What can they do but hang-up, right? (And by doing so, break every tele-marketing rule known to mankind.)

I mean…what are they going to say…”Do you have a couple of minutes? ”  or  ” I’ve noticed that the date has passed on your subscription to “TV Guide”.  Would you like to renew at a ridiculously low price?”  or   “We have some really good packages being offered now in our Book Now, Travel Later plans. ”

I think not…

I should be paid for having ideas like this…

Have a nice day…

 

(A true Minnesota story…)

This is what happens when 18 zillion inches of snow fall to earth in the autumnal days of October…and foolish you go outside even though your wife tells you “Don’t do it…”

So yesterday I was sitting here writing and looking outside my patio doors and the birds were flying past like it was a damn freeway during rush hour.

I was busy…writing…so I didn’t get up to investigate. I would have failed miserably as an investigative reporter…

THIS morning I walked over to see if any of the 18 zillion inches of snow had melted (some had) and I happened to look down…and saw a broken sprinkler head…except it wasn’t a broken sprinkler head…

It was a robin. Deader than a door nail. It’s little feet pointed straight up. Wings slightly fluffed. Red breast looking almost alive… I couldn’t see his head…under the snow…I hope.

So now I know why all the birds were flying by my door yesterday…it was a “fly by funeral”.

Today…like just now…I saw one robin walk stoically by my window heading for the dead robin…which was out of my current range of sight. It was a female robin. Perhaps this was “the wife”.

I know just what she said as she looked down at his little dead body… maybe even pecking his cold, frozen corpse for emphasis…

She said, “I told you not to go outside…but noooooo....you had to get one last worm before we left for Texas.”

Is there a moral to this story? Yes. She’s always right…

P.S. I was going to attach a photo of Mr. Dead Robin (not that I could actually do this with any semblance of professionalism) but chose not to…since after looking again at Mr. Dead Robin…I don’t think there actually IS a head. You’re welcome…

Have a a nice day…