“Then and Now…”

A single girl’s journey from Pizzazz to Fizzle…

THEN

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I was remembering the other day, how it was when I was young, legal and single and still living at home with my parents.

They were my best friends, so I saw absolutely no reason to give my hard-earned money to complete strangers for the privilege of living in some crappy apartment…where I would obviously have to clean, cook and do my own laundry.  I wasn’t an idiot.

Anyway…I remember many, weekend nights I would come home from some trendy bar…after drinking, dancing and smoking cigarettes for hours with my girlfriends.  Don’t judge me…it was the early 60’s–even my doctor smoked…and that was during my yearly check-up!!

As the night would wear on, I always hoped the cute lead singer of the band was smiling at me…I don’t believe that he ever was…but still…

Soon I would be just a little tipsy….okay, okay let’s just say I was intoxicated.  (Drunk is such a harsh word.)  The bar was closing and it was time to leave.

Since it was the weekend, I didn’t have to get up and go to work the next day.  Blessing.

One of my friends (the one who didn’t drink…or drank much less than the rest of us) would drop me off at my home.

I would ever so quietly unlock the door, open it, slip off my shoes and softly meander into my bedroom where I would fall carelessly onto my twin bed.  “Good Night Moon”

Many…most times:  No removal of clothing. No pajamas.  No face washing or teeth brushing.  No pillow fluffing.  Just a silent prayer that the  bed hadn’t been moved during the day, since by now my eyes were closing.

Bedtime ritual for slightly inebriated single girl of the sixties…accomplished!!

Ta Da!!!!  (No drum roll, please.)

NOW

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Age:  No longer young.

Weekend nights, I actually start thinking about ‘going to bed’ a couple of hours before I actually ‘go to bed’.

I can’t believe I just wrote that.  That is so embarrassing.

You know…I had a long (really long) list of nightly chores that I now do every night before I go to bed and then go to sleep.  I was going to share that list with you…so that you too could join me on this fun trip down memory lane…but it was so boring that I decided to scrap that idea.

Suffice it to say…Old age sucks.

THEN was better…MUCH better…

Have a nice day…

 

Happy Birthday to me…

 

Interesting little observation of mine this morning.

I turned 76 today…thank you, thank you.  Good wishes received and appreciated.

HOWEVER,  as I flipped to the Isaak Asimov’s Super  Quiz in the morning newspaper…my eyes flicked over to the obituary page where I saw a photo of this lovely looking woman…who was unfortunately now dead.

She was 72.  My cup of coffee paused on its way to my mouth.

Then I glanced around…just very casually…nothing too deep here…and I discovered that  there were about 3 or 4 other people…now dead…who were at least 4 or 5 years younger than me.

Jesus H. Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

Have a nice day…

P.S.  I wonder what the “H” stands for in this time honored swear phrase.  Henry?  Horace? Holy?  See?  This is what happens when you age and approach death.

“I just ate a little less…”

NEW WEIGHT:  130.4…don’t holler at me!!!!!

 

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…see above.

I think…when I notified my brain that I had another year to lose the 5 pounds I was not able to lose this past year and thereby reach my goal…my body slowed down.

My brain was probably thinking something like…”Hey, cool! What’s the hurry?…no worries, I have ALL YEAR.”

I also pondered this:  “If I continue eating and doing everything the same as I am doing right now…will I eventually weigh 100 pounds!!! …before I die, that is…?”

Pondering is always a bad idea…I think my body went into ‘survival’ mode…thinking…“Yeah, whatever floats your boat, honey.  Now I’m hanging on to whatever you’ve got…”

Have a nice day…

 

“I just ate less…”

…BULLETIN…

…Because I KNOW that my weight is the the MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life…right?

Right?????

Okay, maybe not.  I can see that.  I’ll be brief.  After one solid week of not weighing myself in honor of HALLOWEEN*, today I ran…well not really ran…at my age running is not  something I will ever do again.  So I more or less sauntered sleepily out to the scale area (kitchen) and…weighed myself.

TA DA!!!!!129.4…No CHANGE!!!!!

  • which in my world meant I could eat one tiny candy bar every other day for 7 days…which I did!!!  I also made sure I walked those days and had one less popsicle half after dinner…but hey…CHOCOLATE!!!!

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

“I see you…”

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“I’m not blind, you know.”

“Don’t think for one moment that I don’t see you…sitting there…all propped up and cute-like in your little silver and brown wrapper…tempting me…enticing me…

“You may not be aware…but there is a little dust on you…just a little…but it’s there.

“And I know what you’re thinking…’Just reach over and rip off my wrapper…break off one little piece of me at a time, let it melt ever so slowly on your tongue…'”

“NO!!!!!!!!” SAY I…

“I am not weak!!!!!  I am strong!!!!!    I am kind of strong…I am kind of a little strong…”

And I get up, turn out the desk light…turn the desk light back on… because the room was completely dark and I couldn’t see shit…walk over to another lamp and turn that one on and  then return to turn off the desk light again even though it was highlighting all your goodness and glory and wonderfulness…OH FOR FUCK’S  SAKE!!!

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

 

 

“A really, really, bad pick-up line…”

By

Tina Nelson

It was a chilly and bleak November day in Minnesota.  Normally, I love bleak days but on this particular day I wasn’t especially happy with my life.

Too many people who should be nice to me…weren’t.

Too many people who should appreciate me…weren’t.

Too many people who should love me a lot…or even ‘just a little more’…don’t.

And the worst part about this was that I couldn’t understand why.

If I actually thought that the problem was with me, I would have done something…anything to change the situation.  But it wasn’t me.

I had spent many hours soul searching and many hours asking questions…trying to know what it was that I was doing wrong…or not doing right.  But no answers…so no solutions.

So I got into my car and took a little drive down to River’s Edge Falls, a wonderful little park in the heart of Minneapolis, to watch the icy, cold water race fiercely over the rocks and then crash down to the bottom.

It was always a soothing place for me to visit but unfortunately, I found I was coming here more often…needing more and more comfort.

Sigh.

The park was beautifully deserted.  Good.  Mondays are like that.

I could just lean against the ancient stone wall and watch the water crash down…over and over…the rhythm so relaxing and the deafening noise somehow comforting and calming.

I knew I would get my focus back…re-charge…decide the correct path and take it.  I’d figure it out…I always did.  I wasn’t born yesterday.   I had some life skills.

“Hey there little lady, how would you like to come with me to those bushes over there and warm me up on this chilly day.”

The man’s voice was mean and angry.  His words slurred.  Could I feel a tiny prick of a knife in my back…?  No matter.

As I slowly turned, I reached into my inside jacket pocket and pulled out my loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special revolver that I always carried…because…why not?

And then I shot him through the heart.  Twice.

No one heard the shots as I watched him fall to the ground…left hand still clutching a very sharp-looking steak knife.

“Fuck …you…” he croaked as the blood flowed quickly out of his heart and in seconds he was dead.

“Apparently not…” I said and I walked back to my car.

The End

 

“I just ate…”

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News Release

Did I forget to tell you that in honor of Halloween I am not weighing myself for 7 days?

Oh.

Have a nice day…