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“Okay… Here’s the deal…”

I am not dead!!  Woo Hoo!!!  Super!!!

That being said…what I have been doing is… writing/publishing my latest short story…“One guy…One girl…One motorcycle or…” which…

…is appearing…somewhere in this blog…

Do not even ask where…because I don’t know how to tell you how to just push a button and get there…because…because…I just don’t know…)

I (personally) think it’s just a miracle I managed to mentally, emotionally and spiritually figure out how to use the new BLOCK  EDITOR! *

*(Okay, I am not really using it…I just push that little ‘classic’ square and go from there…DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!!)

And now before I begin my next story…which is Christmas (holiday) themed/cookie related…I am making a checklist of all the boring  stuff I have to do before I can start writing again…and  one of the items on my list is: LOSE  10 pounds…5 pounds…1 more fucking pound…

If you recall (or care) I was stuck at 140 pounds FOREVER…AND…I had been and am still refusing to give up my daily chocolate bar…and a couple of potato chips…(Oh…stop shaking your head…)

BUT in spite of all my horrible addictions, I somehow magically have lost one pound and now weigh… 139 pounds.!  Yay Me!!

AND…this is not just some… “One day I forgot to eat!!!”  deal...which I have done and really should never.. ever do again…but that’s another tale for another day…

So…without my “not-eating all day diet”…I am consistently weighing in at 139 pounds.

NOW…the next thing on my ‘TO DO’ list is:

Oh…I even hate to put it in print because then it becomes SO FINAL.  Okay.  Here goes…

I HAVE TO CLEAN MY HOUSE…  There.  I said it.  Everyone happy now???  

Have a nice day…

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…I am in BIG trouble…140#!!!

Holy Moly!!!  I heard you gasp from all the way over there…wherever ‘there’ is…

I was doing so well…

I was almost to the 129# mark on a regular basis…125# by November was happening…

AND THEN… COVID-19  hit.

Oh, don’t get me wrong here…I was a full and compliant participant.

No one was forcing chocolate bars and potato chips down my throat while I was strapped to a chair and bravely refusing to share “very secret secrets” with them. …

(BY THE WAY…potato chips are my NEW addiction.  Go big or go home, right?  Wrong…)

“But weren’t you walking on a regular basis?  I seem to recall you saying…”  …

NO!!!! I STOPPED DOING THAT!  

It was… just…TOO HOT AND TOO HUMID!!!!! And…because…”insert whatever fucking  excuse you can think of.”

Basically…I just closed my eyes and flipped off the reality switch in my brain.  Sometimes reality is so…REAL.

So.

Now I have to go back to whatever sections in my little “I just ate less,,,” treatise that apply to me and start ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!   YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Incidentally.  A small factoid.   This is NOT an excuse for my total lack of self-control…but still…all roads lead to Rome…right?

I have dreams ALL the time that I have Covid-19.  It is the damnedest thing…and not surprising… very unsettling….

Have a nice day…

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“BASICALLY…*#@* THE WORLD…”

And…you ALL know what I mean…right?

Here’s the deal:   Exiting an automated (my first mistake) parking ramp yesterday afternoon after taking my husband in for an MRI.

1,  Doing so at ‘quitting’ time for all hospital employees…(second mistake).

2,  There are “2” exit lines…one for EMPLOYEE CONTRACT PARKING and the other for us regular people…using cash or a credit card.

3,   ONE of those lines is not working…but NO ONE KNOWS WHICH ONE until they are at the “pay” booth.

4.   Lines get longer…lots of waiting…people upset…etc. etc.

5…BUT people allow the CONTRACT PARKING PEOPLE into the regular line…takes time but people are kind and decent…now…

6.   THEN it’s my turn and this 8″ solid, metal bar is preventing me (and EVERYONE ELSE)  from driving through without paying…IMPORTANT!!!!  REMEMBER THIS!!!!

7.   I am having some difficulty putting in the receipt…and PEOPLE START TO HONK AT ME!!!!!!  Not just one honk.  Many honks.  Many, many honks

8.   Do these people with an apparent IQ of less than 12 actually believe that honking their horn at me will ACTUALLY help me to figure out what to do?  OR do they perhaps  believe the vibration of their NOW LOUD horns will magically make the “8” solid, metal bar rise…without me paying?

9.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????????

10.  Obviously I made it through and one would think that I would weight less today… because…well…because yesterday I had a crummy day.

11.  But there is no justice on the “weight loss court” scale.  I had not lost once fucking ounce.  But at least I didn’t gain anything…in spite of the fact that I had McDonald’s for dinner last night…so HAH all you stupid horn-honking people.  I win.

P.S.  The ‘bunny avatar’ is completely unaware of how life works…but who cares…she has lots of chocolate.

Have a nice day…

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   CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES….

Hear me out…please…

I am so, so serious about this…I’m not even showing a cute photo…

Even though I PROMISED NOT TO SHARE RECIPES…I am breaking that promise tonight.

And I am doing so because this is the BEST chocolate chip cookie I have ever made…and I AM REALLY, REALLY OLD.

…and the reason they are the best (for me) is that they are soft and buttery and so flavorful…like Sweet Martha’s. (Minnesota State Fair reference which might not be applicable to all people…)  Only Better.

So.  Go to:  Very Best Baking by NESTLE  Then:  Go to ORIGINAL NESTLE TOLL HOUSE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Do not waiver from the recipe.  DO IT EXACTLY AS THEY SAY.  Actually when they said “beat” I used my electric hand mixer and continued right up until the end when it got too hard…but I have a really old mixer…I should get a stand mixer.

I used a really small (golf ball size) cookie scoop–no bigger.  Then I put them in the Cuisinart (non-convection) Toaster Oven (370 degrees) because I don’t use my regular oven…(THAT IS A HUGE STORY…but for a later date).  I only baked them for 4 minutes.

I removed them immediately from the sheet and transferred to a cooling rack so they would stop baking quicker.

Now…if you want a crispy cookie…I have just wasted your time and I am truly sorry.

Have a nice day…

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I have no clue…

Well…I’m still at 130.4…even though I had a stomach bug and didn’t eat for a day and a half…there was NO loss.

IKR!!!!!!

And…like any normal person…when I could eat I ate a lot.  Sorry.  Sad Truth.

NOT crap.  Good food…mostly…

Also… just in casual passing…I have a teensy, weensy secret to share.

Yes…there are 2.  And yes…it does appear that they are kind of hidden in my bureau drawer…because…they are.

I don’t know what came over me!!!!

It was like I was possessed!!  It’s really the fault of the woman who was ahead of me in line at the grocery store.  She was moving forward and then she stopped to reach back and grab a Hershey bar.

Well.  What could I do?

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Don’t tell.

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…BULLETIN…

…Because I KNOW that my weight is the the MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life…right?

Right?????

Okay, maybe not.  I can see that.  I’ll be brief.  After one solid week of not weighing myself in honor of HALLOWEEN*, today I ran…well not really ran…at my age running is not  something I will ever do again.  So I more or less sauntered sleepily out to the scale area (kitchen) and…weighed myself.

TA DA!!!!!129.4…No CHANGE!!!!!

  • which in my world meant I could eat one tiny candy bar every other day for 7 days…which I did!!!  I also made sure I walked those days and had one less popsicle half after dinner…but hey…CHOCOLATE!!!!

Have a nice day…

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“I see you…”

“I’m not blind, you know.”

“Don’t think for one moment that I don’t see you…sitting there…all propped up and cute-like in your little silver and brown wrapper…tempting me…enticing me…

“You may not be aware…but there is a little dust on you…just a little…but it’s there.

“And I know what you’re thinking…’Just reach over and rip off my wrapper…break off one little piece of me at a time, let it melt ever so slowly on your tongue…'”

“NO!!!!!!!!” SAY I…

“I am not weak!!!!!  I am strong!!!!!    I am kind of strong…I am kind of a little strong…”

And I get up, turn out the desk light…turn the desk light back on… because the room was completely dark and I couldn’t see shit…walk over to another lamp and turn that one on and  then return to turn off the desk light again even though it was highlighting all your goodness and glory and wonderfulness…OH FOR FUCK’S  SAKE!!!

Have a nice day…

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Still a boring 129.4...

As the weekend stretches out before me and I contemplate which day I should visit Dairy Queen (and I am visiting Dairy Queen because…well…it’s there…) to enjoy a small, chocolate sundae…this random thought raced through my brain…

How many of us…who are trying to lose a few unwanted pounds (BTW…are there any ‘wanted‘ pounds?)…have sat in a doctor’s office for our annual exam, filling out those stupid forms…and have come to this question…

“Have you had any unexplained weight loss in the past 6 months?”

And you thought…with perhaps a small smirk on your face…or maybe even said out loud…very quietly to no one in particular…”I wish.”

Have a nice day…