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139.2 POUNDS!!!–WOO HOO!!

Okay…CLOSE…

BUT NO CIGAR (as they used to say a million years ago)

Okay.  Here’s the deal.  I am fully confident that I will reach my goal of 139# before my Christmas Day deadline…I have ALWAYS had an abundance of confidence…perhaps occasionally TOO much abundance…if that is possible?…  Trust me on this…it is.

But that is a tale for another day…

SO…if I reach my 139# goal…say on December 12th or…December 15th and then it stays for a couple of days…then what?

(I consider weight staying gone for 2-3 days to be the litmus test for success…because…

AS WE ALL KNOW TOO WELL…weight can mysteriously re-appear out of the blue…the very next day…after you have celebrated your loss by doing a rather joyful dance around your living room…NOT NAKED!!!)

SO…back to me…

Do I change my goal to 138 pounds?  That seems harsh…right?   I could just set a new goal  after Christmas Day…right?  Or on  New Year’s Eve…right?

Yeah.  I like that.  I’m not changing my goal weight…but…I’m not going to eat more either or stop weighing myself…because then I would have to change the title of this blog and I’m definitely not going there…

Have a nice day…

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“WOO HOO!!!!”

140.06 pounds…two days in a row!!!

I wanted to tell everyone this fantastic news yesterday…but then I thought…some really deep thoughts…

“What if this is just some quirk in the universe?  A miss-alignment of the planets?  A black hole…whatever…?”

I personally blame the ‘black hole phenomenon’ for everything…good and bad…because…well…why not?”

So yesterday I decided to just stop eating…just to make sure the weight would stay off…

HAH!!  Just kidding.  I actually ate normally…and may I suggest the “thin” little chocolate cookies with the white stuff in the middle”?  Okay I will.  Just one.  Dipped into coffee…so it doesn’t break a crown?  So yummy!

However…back to the beginning…two nights ago I was SO DAMN TIRED!  

Even though I have gotten just a “slightly bit older” (I have such a way with words, don’t I?) I don’t always know when to stop doing things and just take a little nap…

So…two nights ago I got into bed and because I was so EXHAUSTED, I skipped the small bowl of potato chips I now have (instead of the wheat crackers I used to have).

Will you quit yelling at me and let me finish? 

Chips can be very good for you…mentally…and…and emotionally! I’m pretty sure about that…

And…WAIT!!!!  I almost forgot!!  This little bedtime snack actually stopped my acid reflux!!!

SO…ANYWAY…I read one page and my eyes started to close.  My head started to droop.

And before I could even put one chip into my mouth, I shut off the light and went to sleep.

Weight in the morning was 140.6!

I danced around  for about 10 seconds… make that 3… (you read the ‘slightly bit older’ part didn’t you?) and then wondered why my weight has gone down. 

Being the unrecognized genius that I am…I then remembered that…

I had skipped the chips!  

So…last night I did the same thing and this morning I ran…I am so funny…I dragged myself slowly to the kitchen, eyes still almost shut and weighed myself…

140.06 pounds!!!!!!

Don’t you just love science?

Have a nice day…

 

 

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ASTONISHING

COVID-19 BENEFIT…perhaps…

Here’s the deal.  Today I was taking my daily walk…okay…my almost daily walk.

I had just purchased some really cool looking face masks…HELLO!!!  COVID-19 (in case you were wondering)…..

So I decided on the black and white checked one.    I also had to put on my large black (super cool Ray-Ban) sun glasses because it was……….sunny!!

Since I was starting my walk in an area with no people I just had the mask pulled down below my chin…covering the…you know… “jowls” area.

For those youngsters who may not know (yet) what  jowls are…well good for you!!!..  But please allow me to enlighten you.

They are an area beneath your chin that you will almost assuredly get as you age and will also most assuredly not like hate.

But guess what?  No one could see them!!!   HAH!  (Important only to those who might care about that.)  (I do..on occasion.)

THEN…a couple of people came strolling down the lane towards me…not wearing masks.  Just so you know, I consider people who do not wear masks to be terribly unaware.

So…anyway… I flipped mine up and continued walking.  I wasn’t sure if I knew them…it is a relatively small apartment complex where I live so…I might have.

However, when I walk I keep my head down when people are approaching…I’m not into the stop & chat bit..so we passed each other and no one said anything.

After they passed…it suddenly occurred to me that most of my face had been  covered…I was basically unrecognizable.  I could have been anyone…and…any age!!!

So where is all this taking me?  I can now appear to look as young as I feel with no plastic surgery!!!

So there.  Take that corona virus.  I win.

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Still rocking 134.4 and NO, I AMNOT GIVING UP THAT DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR!!! !!!!!!!!!:)

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I AM A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURE…

And I’m pretty sure it’s not my fault…

134.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s the deal.  How is it humanly possible for me to gain weight by just eating only one lousy candy bar…one…that unfortunately I am totally addicted to…every night after dinner?

I really don’t want to eat one every night after dinner!!!!

I love that damn candy bar…what is it…213 calories?

OH STOP!!!!!!!  I HEAR YOU…….

Getting back to “it’s not my fault”…I think that I should do an experiment. 

I believe if I got up and only drank black coffee and water ALL day long for a month…I would still gain weight…if I only ate “my precious”* candy bar for dinner.  I totally believe that!!  

I KNOW I would also probably die…so I won’t be doing that…in case you were wondering…

There are a lot of other things “I totally believe”…but those are tales for another time.

*Did you catch the ‘Lord of the Rings’ reference?  heh heh heh…

Have a nice day…

 

 

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“The doctor doesn’t want to see my husband until June 1…” 

and I said…

“WHAT THE FUCK!!!”

Okay, okay…relax.  I didn’t say that…exactly.  What I said to the very sweet nurse was…

“How about June 2 at 3:30?  Will that work?”… (see how polite and normal I can be?)

..and…of course it did work…BECAUSE THAT’S A VERY, VERY LONG TIME FROM NOW…..and I was the first person she called.

So, I’m thinking, if my husband’s kidney specialist…as in BIG TIME DOCTOR... doesn’t want to see patients until June 1…then that means HE’S  ‘social distancing’…for more than a month from now…right?  Am I right?  Yep…thought so also.

Jimminy Cricket Christ…I’m not sure I can hold out that long…before I GO COMPLETELY CRAZY… Please note I said “completely” crazy…I know who I am…

I WANT A BIG MAC!!!!  I WANT A QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE!!!!  TWO!!I WANT DOMINOS PIZZA…A LOT!!!! I WANT TAKE OUT FROM PERKINS, PANERA, BROADWAY PIZZA!!!!  I WANT TO VISIT THE WHITE CASTLE!!! I WANT IT ALL!!!!

OH!…but you say…you can do that right now!!!!

“THEY”  say it’s perfectly safe to eat food that absolutely complete strangers (but I’m sure wonderful people) cook/prepare and bag/box for you.  It’ll be just fine.  Don’t worry!”…(If you feel you must…you can wipe off the bag/box  with a Chlorox disinfectant wipe…)

Yeah??   Remember when… “THEY” also said we didn’t need to wear masks…cough, cough…

Have a nice day…

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“I had a dream…”

…and it was about BACON…and then…sadly… I woke up.

So…good morning!!!  I seldom write in the morning but this is a one-off because my dream was so vivid I had to share immediately…well, of course I had to have some coffee first…

My dream then segwayed into … why aren’t I eating bacon these days … and then my sleepy brain remembered…Ohhhhhhhh…… right….my stomach doesn’t always agree with my depraved desires…sigh…

However…I decided to throw caution to the wind, follow my dreams (lol) and move down that bacon path once again…and wondered (I am still in bed at this point…) if I could freeze bacon (more economical) since I had never done so in the past.  It was then I decided to get out of bed.  I had been given a mission and I had chosen to accept it.

YES YOU CAN!! And you can freeze bacon either raw or cooked and even though I have not moved into proper clothing I am soon going to do so…and then go to the store to buy,..

BACON!!!!

Don’t anyone wonder if I have a life…I do…mostly.

Have a nice day…

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130.6…

AND…I may add…for a solid week…

GOOD BEGINNING TO THE NEW YEAR…RIGHT?

IF…that is what I want to achieve for the upcoming year…

I DON’T…                                                   

I’ll get back to you…

Have a nice day…

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Merry Christmas!!!

Plus…other appropriate greetings to ALL those to whom Merry Christmas does not apply!!

Well…now that I have all that covered…I can share what’s going on with me…with my weight loss goal of losing 5 pounds before next November 1…that is…November 2010.

Since I was 5 pounds short THIS November 1…I gave myself a new goal.

I have gained one whole pound…NOT LOST…gained.  It must have been the “food poisoning/bad deli food/bad…something that caused my body to NOT lose…even though I was not eating a whole lot for about 3 weeks.

Okay.  I did consume:  Sprite, jello (which we all know is pure sugar in a jiggly form), pretzels, crackers…did I mention Sprite?  I believe I am addicted to Sprite now.  Oh, sigh.

Anyway…I hope everyone who is trying to lose weight this year (and next) will not be too hard on themselves during the holidays…whatever your holiday may be.

One is okay.  Ten is pushing it.  Enjoy life for Pete’s sake.

I tripped over a picture frame last week (such a long, boring story) and as I was trying to “catch myself” as one does…I was thinking…really…well this is  going to hurt like hell.

It did.  But the fear of not being able to get up…moved me to immediately get up.  A little blood on the kneecap and SORE body for a few days…was the aftermath of the fall.

So see?  Life happens and if…unlike me…you hit your head and die…you are going to be SO SORRY that you didn’t have that one piece of homemade fudge.  Really.

Have a nice day…

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I have no clue…

Well…I’m still at 130.4…even though I had a stomach bug and didn’t eat for a day and a half…there was NO loss.

IKR!!!!!!

And…like any normal person…when I could eat I ate a lot.  Sorry.  Sad Truth.

NOT crap.  Good food…mostly…

Also… just in casual passing…I have a teensy, weensy secret to share.

Yes…there are 2.  And yes…it does appear that they are kind of hidden in my bureau drawer…because…they are.

I don’t know what came over me!!!!

It was like I was possessed!!  It’s really the fault of the woman who was ahead of me in line at the grocery store.  She was moving forward and then she stopped to reach back and grab a Hershey bar.

Well.  What could I do?

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Don’t tell.

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NEW WEIGHT:  130.4…don’t holler at me!!!!!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…visualize the statue of “The Thinker”.

I think…when I notified my brain that I had another year to lose the 5 pounds I was not able to lose this past year and thereby reach my goal…my body slowed down.

My brain was probably thinking something like…”Hey, cool! What’s the hurry?…no worries, I have ALL YEAR.”

I also pondered this:  “If I continue eating and doing everything the same as I am doing right now…will I eventually weigh 100 pounds!!! …before I die, that is…?”

Pondering is always a bad idea…I think my body went into ‘survival’ mode…thinking…”Yeah, whatever floats your boat, honey.  Now I’m hanging on to whatever you’ve got…”

Have a nice day…

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…BULLETIN…

…Because I KNOW that my weight is the the MOST IMPORTANT thing in your life…right?

Right?????

Okay, maybe not.  I can see that.  I’ll be brief.  After one solid week of not weighing myself in honor of HALLOWEEN*, today I ran…well not really ran…at my age running is not  something I will ever do again.  So I more or less sauntered sleepily out to the scale area (kitchen) and…weighed myself.

TA DA!!!!!129.4…No CHANGE!!!!!

  • which in my world meant I could eat one tiny candy bar every other day for 7 days…which I did!!!  I also made sure I walked those days and had one less popsicle half after dinner…but hey…CHOCOLATE!!!!

Have a nice day…

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“I see you…”

“I’m not blind, you know.”

“Don’t think for one moment that I don’t see you…sitting there…all propped up and cute-like in your little silver and brown wrapper…tempting me…enticing me…

“You may not be aware…but there is a little dust on you…just a little…but it’s there.

“And I know what you’re thinking…’Just reach over and rip off my wrapper…break off one little piece of me at a time, let it melt ever so slowly on your tongue…'”

“NO!!!!!!!!” SAY I…

“I am not weak!!!!!  I am strong!!!!!    I am kind of strong…I am kind of a little strong…”

And I get up, turn out the desk light…turn the desk light back on… because the room was completely dark and I couldn’t see shit…walk over to another lamp and turn that one on and  then return to turn off the desk light again even though it was highlighting all your goodness and glory and wonderfulness…OH FOR FUCK’S  SAKE!!!

Have a nice day…

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OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...

NOVEMBER 1 IS ALMOST HERE…

AND…I have not yet reached my goal weight of 125 pounds….which I set last October.  I HAVE lost 18 pounds, 4 ounces…which is great!!!!!…but still…

Let’s just round numbers off and say I currently weigh 129  and thus (:)) need to lose 4 more pounds to be successful…

Well.  I do not anticipate that happening…although miracles do happen.  HAH!!

So.  Here is my new plan.  Today is October 20, 2019 and my new goal (in life) is to lose 4 pounds by November 2020.

Good plan, huh?  I thought so too.

I don’t know what it is…sometimes these fantastic  ideas just come to me like a lightning bolt shot out of the sky.  Oh.  My.

Have a nice day…

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24 DAYS…

but who’s counting.

Me.  I have less than a month to go and my goal of 125 by Nov. 1 looms.  I like that word.  LOOMS.  Current weight:  129.4 and apparently holding forever…

Let’s go back 56 years…yes…I am 20 years old…sigh.  That was a splendid year…if only I could tell more people.   You know….there are things and events you can just never share…sweet memories and such…

But I digress.  Summer 1963.  I was 20 and I weighed 99 pounds.

And because of my extraordinary skills (okay, no one else would do it), I was the catcher for a fast pitch softball team.  Read 70 mph…yup.

It was a hot July night in old Bloomington, Minnesota and we were playing a really tough, championship team from the mean streets of Minneapolis.

I was taking a few warm-ups from my pitcher who…incidentally…had a smoking  fast ball that would drop a little just before the plate.  Have I set the picture?

Let continue…I flipped up my catcher’s mask (I thought I was so cool) to quickly take a drag off my ‘lit’ Marlboro cigarette…which was conveniently nestled in the sand right next to me…hey…this was 55 years ago.  Don’t judge me.

I looked down to pick up the Marlboro and just as I looked up to take a drag…my obviously non-aware pitcher threw a sizzling, fast ball, hitting my unprotected face, sending me backwards about a foot…no really…a whole 12 inches.

Not only did the lit cigarette cause a burn on my cheek, I couldn’t chew real food for about 3 weeks.  I wasn’t wired shut…it was just too painful to do anything but drink fluids or very mushy foods.

There is no moral to this telling…just background to the fact that…I lost 5 pounds in less than a month.

Anyone looking for a 75 year old catcher?

Have a nice day…

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STILL…130.4

I honestly feel like Dorian…spinning in place…IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!!!!!  And the stupid scale does not change one little bit…very depressing.

So….to lift my spirits…I decided to ‘again’ use the tried and true cure for simple depression that my mother taught me decades ago when she said…

“Let’s color your hair platinum, Tina!!”

And I did.

Have a nice day…      🙂