Around the middle of June, Johnny got his Order to Report for Induction.  He had been drafted.

“What about your student deferment, Johnny?   What about that?” I cried.

Johnny sat at our kitchen table, shaking his head.

“You know, before you moved in, I remember taking this test…it was some kind of draft test…I don’t know…I didn’t pay that much attention.”

“I had been out the night before…didn’t get much sleep before taking it…I was a little hung-over…”

He looked up at me sheepishly.

“I should have had you there, Tinka, slipping me notes…”

I frantically paced around the small kitchen as Johnny sat holding the letter in his hands…looking at it in total disbelief.

“I never really thought it would happen.” He said quietly.

“I think I have about two weeks before I have to report.”  He looked again at the letter and let it fall to the floor.

I picked it up and tore it in half.  Then I tore it in half again.

“NO!!!!  You’re not going!!!  I won’t let you go!” I shouted.

“There must be something we can do!  We’ve got to do something!  Wait!!!  Why can’t we get married, Johnny?  They don’t take married men, right?” I said.

That deferment ended last August Riley.  Apparently, Johnson needs the wisdom of the married man.” He said sarcastically.

“Canada….we’ll move to Canada.  Lots of boys are doing it, Johnny.  We can do…”

Before I could finish, Johnny was holding up his hand and shaking his head…

“My dad would disown me, Riley…and forbid my mom and Alec from visiting me. ”

I knew how close Johnny and his mom were and Johnny loved his little brother so much.  Alec was just two years younger than Johnny…and he idolized him.

“You know how my dad feels about “duty and service to country”.  He said glumly.  Both Johnny’s dad and grandfather had served in the Army…and both during war time.

“If I went to Canada, I wouldn’t see my mom or Alec ever again, Riley.”

“Well if you die in some fucking rice field in Nam…you won’t see them ever again either…will you!!!!” I screamed at him.

 

At the airport…Johnny held me in his arms as tears poured down my face and my body shook with sobs.

“It took so long for us to find each other…” I cried.

“Please don’t leave me, Johnny!!  I will die without you!!  I will!  I will die!”  And my voice rose…causing others nearby to look away from the painfully sad couple…

Johnny pulled back…and took my face in his hands…as I had done to him so many times in high school…but this time he was forcing me to listen.

“I will never leave you again, Tinka…I promise!  When this year is over…I will come home to you and we will always be together.  I promise you.”

And then he kissed all the tears from my cheeks and held me so tight I could hardly breathe and then…before one more second passed…he quickly turned and walked away.

One year later…Johnny Taylor came home…as promised.

Fucking Amen.

MANY, MANY YEARS LATER…

So…there I sat…in the restaurant section of Larson’s grocery store…watching dead leaves swirl around on their charming but now “Closed for the Winter” patio…leaves whistling by…like the memories from so many years ago…

I finished my coffee and looked out the window and wondered how soon it would snow…

I had been gone from Minnesota for a long time and had only returned a few months ago to help Alec’s wife, Cara, deal with the crushing burden of his unexpected illness and impending death.

Alec had joined me in Canada rather than register for the draft in 1969, secured a college degree, met the enchanting Cara, got married and then returned to the United States in 1977 after President Carter issued amnesty to those men who had moved to Canada rather than go to Vietnam.

He and Cara had visited me several times each year…they had no children…so we became a “family”.

Dearest Cara…confined to a wheelchair after a car accident several years ago…had reluctantly asked me for help…and I had come down with no hesitation.

I was pretty confident that enough years had gone by for any of the ghosts from my past to rise up and cause me any problems…I was pretty sure of that by now…sure that they were all dead.

I got up, grabbed my purse, turned and started to walk toward the grocery area of the store…when suddenly there was a slight tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and looked at a white-haired man…about my own age…maybe a couple of years past seventy.

He tilted his head a bit but didn’t quite smile.  Then…in a low, gravelly voice…that is usually the result of years of smoking and drinking…or both..he said…

“Remember me?”

And…at first, I didn’t remember.

But then I looked a little harder…past the many years of living that can sometimes change a person completely.

I looked at his odd eyes.  He was wearing bright, blue contact lenses.

I thought…how strange for an older man to do so…

But then he smiled…and suddenly I knew exactly who he was…

“I thought you were dead, Tommy.”

 

After Johnny died, I registered for Fall classes at the University of Minnesota because I knew I should.

I moved back home…partly to save on expenses…but mostly to absorb the healing magic that only parents can give you when you’re hurting…I needed a lot of magic right now.

I had packed up all of Johnny’s clothes and had given them all to the Salvation Army because I knew Johnny would like that…except for one blue plaid flannel shirt that I think I wore more than he did…it was ‘our shirt’…it still smelled of Old Spice…Johnny’s favorite after-shave cologne.

I had called Johnny’s mom and asked her if she wanted any of Johnny’s clothes or if she thought Alec would want anything.

“No, Riley.  The Salvation Army is a good place for them.  Alec is having a really hard time dealing with John’s death…he blames his father.”

“He says when he has to register for the draft in two years, he’s going to Canada instead…”

I didn’t know what to say…I wasn’t sure if Johnny had told anyone of my idea for us to go to Canada.  But then she continued…

“John told Alec that he wanted to go to Canada with you…and would have…if it hadn’t been for their father being so against it.”

“I wish he had gone, Riley.  I wish the two of you had just packed up and gone to Canada.”

More tears than I thought possible were falling down my cheeks and stopped me from saying anything more than a choked good bye.