“I just ate less…among other things…”

137.0

There are no excuses…only a new plan…

This was me…a million years ago…on a 92 degree summer day…shoveling 5 yards of black dirt.  The dew point was in the upper 60’s.

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It was a hot one, my friends…

I  worked all day…smoked way too many cigarettes…but I got the job done…

Just like I will get the job done now…

NEW GOAL…….132.0 by August 10, 2020…..

Have a nice day…

P.S.  I know you’re wondering…I will do this without giving up my chocolate bar…hey…it was bad enough I had to give up cigarettes 14 years ago…give me a break…

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

So…….

Could someone please tell me…*

How I can spend over an hour of my precious time writing, editing, writing, changing, writing…….and more…..to get one perfect sentence…

And then have absolutely NO willpower when it comes to blithely (as in having not a care in the world) getting up and walking four steps to the cookie jar and grabbing two (NOT ONE…but TWO)  chocolate chip cookies and then eating them in like less than 3 minutes?

*Don’t really tell me…I don’t want to know…ignorance can be blissful..the cookies were homemade…by me:)

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

ASTONISHING

COVID-19 BENEFIT…perhaps…

Here’s the deal.  Today I was taking my daily walk…okay…my almost daily walk.

I had just purchased some really cool looking face masks…HELLO!!!  COVID-19 (in case you were wondering)…..

So I decided on the black and white checked one.    I also had to put on my large black (super cool Ray-Ban) sun glasses because it was……….sunny!!

Since I was starting my walk in an area with no people I just had the mask pulled down below my chin…covering the…you know… “jowls” area.

For those youngsters who may not know (yet) what  jowls are…well good for you!!!..  But please allow me to enlighten you.

They are an area beneath your chin that you will almost assuredly get as you age and will also most assuredly not like hate.

But guess what?  No one could see them!!!   HAH!  (Important only to those who might care about that.)  (I do..on occasion.)

THEN…a couple of people came strolling down the lane towards me…not wearing masks.  Just so you know, I consider people who do not wear masks to be terribly unaware.

So…anyway… I flipped mine up and continued walking.  I wasn’t sure if I knew them…it is a relatively small apartment complex where I live so…I might have.

However, when I walk I keep my head down when people are approaching…I’m not into the stop & chat bit..so we passed each other and no one said anything.

After they passed…it suddenly occurred to me that most of my face had been  covered…I was basically unrecognizable.  I could have been anyone…and…any age!!!

So where is all this taking me?  I can now appear to look as young as I feel with no plastic surgery!!!

So there.  Take that corona virus.  I win.

Have a nice day…

P.S.  Still rocking 134.4 and NO, I AM NOT GIVING UP THAT DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR!!! !!!!!!!!!:)

 

 

 

“I Just Ate Less…among other things…”

I am a complete and total failure…

and I’m pretty sure it’s not my fault…

134.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s the deal.  How is it humanly possible for me to gain weight by just eating only one lousy candy bar…one…that unfortunately I am totally addicted to…every night after dinner?

I really don’t want to eat one every night after dinner!!!!

I love that damn candy bar…what is it…213 calories?

OH STOP!!!!!!!  I HEAR YOU…….

Getting back to “it’s not my fault”…I think that I should do an experiment. 

I believe if I got up and only drank black coffee and water ALL day long for a month…I would still gain weight…if I only ate “my precious”* candy bar for dinner.  I totally believe that!!  

I KNOW I would also probably die…so I won’t be doing that…in case you were wondering…

There are a lot of other things “I totally believe”…but those are tales for another time.

*Did you catch the ‘Lord of the Rings’ reference?  heh heh heh…

Have a nice day…

 

“I Just Ate Less…Among Other Things…”

Holding at 133.8…

and…damn happy to be doing so…considering…

Can you believe this mess we’re all in?  Sometimes I stop and think…this cannot be real!!

But..it is.

I called my daughter the other day and asked her, “Do you mind not shopping?”…and she said…”NOT AT ALL…I could happily become agoraphobic in a heart beat…”…

AND I…being the completely self-centered person that I am :)…thought…HOLY MACKEREL where did I go wrong?  Did I raise her incorrectly?  Who doesn’t miss shopping?  Is that even normal?  Is that even healthy?  

And then I answered myself..and said, “Of course, it is.  My daughter is absolutely brilliant (I DID raise her right) and is doing exactly what she should be doing…

…considering the situation…which is pretty frightening and horrible…and unknown.

DO YOU want to be that dumb girl who always goes down the basement when she hears a strange noise…even though she knows the power could go out at any moment because it’s storming and it’s  thundering and it’s lightning…AND…the light from her flashlight is really dim because the batteries are old (she tested it)…AND…she just heard on the television that there is a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a nearby prison…and is on the loose…in HER … neighborhood..?

WELL…DO YOU???????

I didn’t think so.  Me neither.

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I Just Ate Less…Among Other Things…”

Holding at 133.8…

and…damn happy to be doing so…considering…

Can you believe this mess we’re all in?  Sometimes I stop and think…this cannot be real!!

But..it is.

I called my daughter the other day and asked her, “Do you mind not shopping?”…and she said…”NOT AT ALL…I could happily become agoraphobic in a heart beat…”…

AND I…being the completely self-centered person that I am :)…thought…HOLY MACKEREL where did I go wrong?  Did I raise her incorrectly?  Who doesn’t miss shopping?  Is that even normal?  Is that even healthy?  

And then I answered myself..and said, “Of course, it is.  My daughter is absolutely brilliant (I DID raise her right) and is doing exactly what she should be doing…

…considering the situation…which is pretty frightening and horrible…and unknown.

DO YOU want to be that dumb girl who always goes down the basement when she hears a strange noise…even though she knows the power could go out at any moment because it’s storming and it’s  thundering and it’s lightning…AND…the light from her flashlight is really dim because the batteries are old (she tested it)…AND…she just heard on the television that there is a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a nearby prison…and is on the loose…in HER … neighborhood..?

WELL…DO YOU???????

I didn’t think so.  Me neither.

Have a nice day…

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“IS MY NIGHTLY CHOCOLATE BAR…

A GATEWAY DRUG TO…TO…

I don’t know….I have no idea what the future holds for me….

I have been thinking about hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn lately…

There was a time in my past when I had no control and started to have one regular size  Hershey bar AND a bowl of hot, buttered and lightly salted (regular not sea) popcorn EVERY SINGLE NIGHT…but my beloved cat Lulu had just died…

I didn’t plan on her dying…I planned on her getting well from “something” that was causing a brief lull in her eating habits…she was not eating nearly enough…and chubby, little Lulu LOVED to eat more than anything.

So I was bringing her to the University of Minnesota Veterinarian School for testing at the highest level…

…unfortunately they found after hours of waiting and testing that she had a tumor the size of a softball on her lung that was pressing on her little throat and “we could put a feeding tube down her throat and she would last a couple more weeks…if that’s an option for you…”  They said…

I said.   “I love you Lulu.  You are my best friend and sometimes I think you are my only friend and because I love you so very much I will not be bringing you home with me today…but I will remember…as per our discussion on the way over here …to take the Hoyt Avenue shortcut on the way home.”

That night (and every night for almost a year) I had a  large bowl of hot, buttered lightly salted  (regular not sea) popcorn and a Hershey bar.  I gained almost 20 pounds…which is what Lulu weighed when she died…

Life is crummy right now and can be unbearably sad and fraught with anxiety…but then…I remember my little black cat named Lulu who was…very probably…my best friend…who loved to eat until one day when she couldn’t…

Have a nice day…

 

 

 

“I just ate less…among other things…”

133.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT…I’m on this.

I realize now that I had forgotten to allow for the “X” Factor” when I was doing my  recent “Hershey” candy bar research…you know…the research that almost left me blind???  (What kind of scientist am I for heaven’s sake?) …

(Well, Tina…you are the “I Am Not a Scientist” kind).

I don’t know exactly what the hell the “X” Factor” is…I may have been partially blind at that point during my research…however…

It is possible that I am the “X Factor”…which would make sense since I have now discovered (I WORK SO HARD FOR THIS DAMN BLOG!!) that the definition of “X Factor” is:

“Telling yourself what you want to hear (or finding facts…however outrageous on Google…((I LOVE YOU, GOOGLE))!!!!) so you can feel really good right now…but will later come to realize that perhaps those ‘facts’ were wrong and that you are a completely idiotic person and you better now stop doing whatever you are doing to get yourself to this point (where you do not want to be)…like…

…RIGHT NOW.”*

*This definition might be slightly flawed…or maybe a little incorrect…or possibly skewered a tad…and…’bat-shit crazy’ will also work here.

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

“I’m still here…”

You know…I saw this damn virus thing coming around the second week of January…

There was this ever so tiny, two inch article…buried deep on page 5 or 6…in my local newspaper that caught my eye…something along the lines of … and I’m PARAPHRASING here…

MYSTERIOUS VIRUS IN CHINA WILL JUST ABOUT KILL ALL OF US!!!!!

And then I remembered noted University of Minnesota doctor of diseases…Michael Osterholm saying on PBS about a dozen years ago that “SOME HUGE PANDEMIC IS COMING AND DON’T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I AM WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT!!!!”

I also remember looking over at my husband and saying…”Wow…who is this dope?”

So I was wrong…shoot me.

Anyway…back to ‘I saw this damn virus thing coming’...

There was something in those few words that led me to Google…Wuhan, China.   (God I love Google…so beats the “Guide to Periodical Literature” for fact finding)…

And there I saw an interesting map with red, not so red, and pink circles, showing how many cases of ‘this new virus’ there were today…and…MORE IMPORTANTLY…how many there were.. yesterday…OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN…I Googled…:)…Japan…(Don’t know why..) and saw empty shelves on which toilet paper used to be sitting…and that scared the crap (no pun intended) out of me.

So…long story short…I started buying some “extra” toilet paper and enough food to last…for enough time.

BUT…I have not been able to “BE WHO I AM” and so…I have not lost any more  weight…AND IN FACT…have gained A POUND!!!!!!!!!!

But…here’s the deal.  You know how when you go to prison for doing some really horrible stuff?

And then they’re going to “gas you or electrocute you or inject you (not with disinfectant…I might add…lol) with poison? …you know…to kill you?

Well, they ALSO  let you have your favorite meal the night before…right?

RIGHT???  You bet they do…

Have a nice day…

“I just ate less…among other things…”

***BULLETIN***

  FULL DISCLOSURE…no real bulletin…

STILL 132.2…

However…I feel that in these wretchedly crap times…I must confess to anybody or everybody…that if I wake up one morning in the future….walk out to my kitchen…pull out the scale and weigh myself …which I do RELIGIOUSLY EVERY DAY…

…and discover that I have cracked the 130.0 mark on my scale…I will do one of two things:

ONE…

I will step off the scale, quietly walk over and open the curtains, pour myself  a cup of coffee, step back on the scale and weigh myself again because I will absolutely not believe that the scale  is telling me the truth…OR

TWO…

Ever so carefully put the scale back in the corner and THEN do a silent although wildly effusive HAPPY DANCE all the way down the hall to my bedroom where I will retrieve and subsequently eat one whole Hershey bar for breakfast.

Gee…I wonder what I will do…

Have a nice day…