“What did you do?”

Remember when you were a kid and you went to the front door to pay the pizza delivery guy and then there was this horrible crash that sounded like a plane had hit the house but was instead the pizza delivery guy’s car barreling into our closed  garage door  because he had forgotten to secure the parking brake on his car correctly…yet you mother comes running out of the kitchen and shouts at you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when you were fifteen and you somehow got a date with the drop-dead, good-looking captain of the football team who (erroneously) was led to believe that you would be “a lot of fun” on the first date…and then when he never called you again because you were not…your best friend asked you…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Or…when the 200-year-old water heater sprung a leak and your husband (who is a complete idiot anyway) came up the stairs, looked at you cooking yet again another  fabulous dinner because he NEVER likes to eat out…told you about it and then said…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Andfinally…when you watched the Super Bowl and your beloved team and  quarterback were getting crushed from almost the very first snap…instead of pushing excessive amounts of comfort food into your mouth (which is what you wanted to do) you just pulled up a cozy, fleece blanket and went to sleep for about a half hour…only to discover upon waking… that things had gotten infinitely worse instead of better…but being a true fan you sat and watched it to the bitter end…ever hopeful for the miracle…that never came.

So…you just got up and walked forlornly out into the kitchen and fixed dinner and did NOT EAT extra food or more than one piece of white cake with chocolate/fudge frosting that you had made “special for the game” yesterday…

Yet…when I weighed myself this next morning… the scale showed #140!!!

And…of course… the very first thought that came into my little pea-sized brain was…

“WHAT DID YOU DO?????”

Nothing.  I did nothing wrong.  Sometimes life just sucks.

(At least I didn’t bet $125 on the over…)

Have a nice day…

SUPER BOWL, BABY…

HOWEVER…MORE IMPORTANTLY…

I have weighed #139 for 6 days in a row!!!!!!!

AND…here’s how I accomplished this milestone of leaving #140 behind…

To be honest…I’m not sure.

EXCEPT…I have been putting “less” food on my plate. Not a lot less…just a little less.   I kid you not!!!

Seriously.  That’s it!  No denial of chocolate bars.  No reduction of barbecue potato chips (my latest addiction).  No marathon running…BOOM!!!!  The sound you just  heard was me falling off my chair laughing hysterically….hey, I can barely spell marathon…

So…just like the title of this blog…”I (basically) just ate less…”   I guess it pays to listen to myself…once in a while.

AND NOW I BETTER NOT FUCK THIS UP…

Because…the Super Bow is in 3 days and I LOVE Patrick Mahomes and I LOVE Andy Reid and…don’t even get me started on Travis Kelce… I LOVE…oh it doesn’t matter.  I fucking love the whole team and I want them to win so badly…

(I also want to trade our quarterback  Kirk Cousins to Houston so we can get Deshaun Watson and then Houston can trade Kirk Cousins to New England for Cam Newton…Cam would love Houston… )

Hey…this is my world…however nuts it may seem to you…PLUS I NOW WEIGH #139!!

HOWEVER…we all know what happened the last time I ate my way thru a crucial football game…I gained like 2 pounds!!!  NOT this time…no way…

…however…don’t bet the house on me…

Have a nice day…

Flirtations…Temptations

DECISIONS…COMPLICATIONS…

Welcome to my world,,,such as it is…

The Lay’s Potato Chip slogan in the sixties… “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One…” was pure genius.

Okay…here’s what happened to me last week.   I weighed myself and the scale “flirted” with #139 and then settled at #140…again…sigh

It’s been at #140 for a few weeks…as you all know…because I’ve told you this so many times…but…this morning…the “flirtation”. 

I was pretty damn excited…I don’t mind telling you.

I was thinking…maybe I’m turning the corner.  Maybe this is it…the downward spiral.  I am finally going to get to #139…stay there and then…the sky’s the limit!

I actually was eating less…and was completely done with the whole Christmas cookie thing…and I was walking a little…  Okay, walking sometimes.  Oh…I am so pathetic.

But here’s the deal…  You knew this was coming, right?

I am such a loser…but moving forward in this tale…

I have now become addicted to Lay’s BBQ potato chips.  IKR?

And it wasn’t even my fault.  REALLY!!!!  What the hell happened…you might ask?  Well, I will tell you…

A regular sized bag of Lay’s BBQ potato chips mysteriously appeared in my grocery bag a few days ago…maybe the delivery packer/person thought I needed more  spice in my life…I don’t know…  I wasn’t even charged for them!

So there this bag sat on my counter…next to some bananas and tomatoes.   I do eat some good stuff, you know…

I knew these chips have been around forever…decades probably…and I had never tried them.  I love barbecued ribs and chicken.   So I thought…”Oh, what the hell…”

I’ll just have one…

And then I had ten.

And now…when I go to bed at night… I bring the whole bag with me…not a bowl…the whole bag…

I know this sounds perfectly horrible but I only eat one or two (maybe three) chips…

This amount is loads less than if I were to take a regular sized bowl out of the cupboard, put it on the counter and then add… you know…some chips.  NO ONE would put 3 chips in a bowl…

Let’s face it…two or three chips would look crazy…unless I used a teeny-tiny bowl…which I do not even have…so…

It made perfect sense to me!   Honestly, sometimes I think I should just run this whole world…

So there you go.  Life…my life…

Have a nice day…